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It's wonderful that the two of you can give each other some support on here. Sorry to be a 
but just had to edit some posts, whilst as far as I am concerned you use what words you like, I know that One Space asks us to think of these boards having a PG certificate (say if we were at the cinema) Anyway, end of 
Samantha jayne I know you have already been in touch with our Legal expert and you are right in what you say in your last post, Stanleys_mummy, here is the link if you want to contact them
I think it is great that both of you are thinking ahead.
I highly doubt my ex would take me to court. i hate the fact that i cant tell whether his moms feelings are real or whether shes just being selfish as she doesnt care about me - she let her son cause the situation and didnt try and stop it. with any luck ur ex will leave u alone :)
im so grateful that ive got support off others and that there are people that understand how i feel and that ive got sumwhere to write how i feel when i feel low. thankyou :)
i contacted helen for legal advice when i emailed u louise :)
ok that's great
Hi samanthajayne and stanleys_mommy
This is a rather difficult time for you right now and understandably upset with the fathers of your babies. I would like to think that in future you may change your mind about the children having contact with their grandparents.
It is a major part of development for children to know their family and where they come from, good or bad. I do understand your concerns for their safety etc. Maybe you could consider contact centres etc, you have a while before you have to think about any of that anyway.
Another reason i say this is because i see how upset my mum is because she does not get to see my brothers children, after his wife had an affair and left him for another guy.
I have also worked with many families who have been in similair situations, where parents and other family members are sorting out their emotional hurts, the children often have been used as pawns and eventually be the ones that suffer.
I feel that as parents we need as much support as we can get, being a single parent more so. I would think carefully before i made any decisions and about cutting family members out of my childrens lives, they are a part of who they are!
On another note i would not advocate that, if you or your children were in danger, i would say to go through the official channels to protect yourselves and them.
I hope that this make senses as i have whipped this off quickly before i go to a meeting!
My posts have obviously been read wrong from the "advice" you have given. I had an abusive father, my mother was told by the courts not to let him have access, she let him have access and my sister and I, both got emotionally screwed up. I also suffered more, my mum thought it would be wrong to keep him out of our lives, when infact it would have been the best decison for all concerned. As for my exes mum being upset about not seeing this child, that is not the case. All i have recieved is cold, threatening messages off her and my child is going no where near that family. I understand your situation is different. If I wanted my baby to be brought up in that type of family, i would've stayed and accepted the abuse i was recieving. I do not believe it would be good to let my child be round a druggie and alcoholic. How dare you suggest my child is being used as a pawn! My ex and his so called family did not want the baby. My ex is only threatening solicitors and court now as a way to get to me. How do you know that I haven't thought carefully about my decision? You know nothing of what I have been through. My child will have 9 aunties and uncles and 8 cousins as well as one set of grandparents. He will be brought up in a loving, safe environment. As for legal action, it is all in hand. Thanks for your advice but I must say it has offened me greatly.
*offended
I am sorry to hear that you feel offended by Sally's post, samantha jayne. I am sure you will make the best decision for your son. Sally did not suggest you were using your child as a pawn, she said that she had seen some people do this. On this board we need to give balanced thought to all the different possibilities and all she was saying was "think carefully". What you do is of course up to you.
i had no true grandparents, my dads parents passed away a long time before i was born and my mother never spoke to her mom or stepdad and im glad i never had anything to do with them they are nothing to do with me theyre not my family. people make assumptions everybody does its normal, my emotions arent clouding my judgement and what i decide will be best for my baby.
i had no true grandparents, my dads parents passed away a long time before i was born and my mother never spoke to her mom or stepdad and im glad i never had anything to do with them they are nothing to do with me theyre not my family. people make assumptions everybody does its normal, my emotions arent clouding my judgement and what i decide will be best for my baby.
Yes i know people make assumptions, in some cases it is in the child's best interests not to see some people. It is not in a child's best interests to see dangerous people so that they know where they come from! I understand all situations are different but that advice she has given was uncalled for in my case and i felt it was a personal attack although it was examples of other people e.t.c
If the whole thread was read properly and somebody thinks that i dont think they understand. anybody would think we are taking our babies away from everybody and doing everything completely alone which we arent. we know whats best not anybody else :)
Exactly, everyones situation is different. We are talking about our situations. I would not have taken my unborn son away if it was not in his best interests. I am not a horrible person, just simply keeping myself and my unborn baby boy safe.
Hi samanthajayne, I don't think we have spoken yet, I am busy doing behind the scenes stuff at the mo and don't get to visit the boards as often as I would like.
Reading your posts, I can really relate to your situation. You made a courageous decision and managed to leave your abusive ex. It sounds that he has continued to be abusive but you have lots of family and friends around you to support you, whcih will help.
I too, was with someone that I shouldn't have been and it was only once I was pregnant found the strength to leave, I realised that although I had put up with a lot of stuff from him on my own, it was no situation for a baby to grow and thrive in. After much guilt and angst I stopped contact and although it was one of the most difficult decisions I have made, it had to be done.
Sally is right, it is in the childs best interests to see their grandparents, however if it is going to cause ongoing stress and disruption for yourself and your little one, then we have to think long and hard about that one, which you have. My daughters grandmother sends a birthday and Xmas card still 10 years on, I still feel guilty, but it was the right thing to do for us.
Hi stanleysmommy, welcome from me!
Have I got this right, your ex's mum is trying hard to be involved, his dad's not bothered and I am not sure where your ex stands with this, he is saying that he loves you and wants to make it work. Is that right?
It is good for a child to know all of his/her extended family if possible. When your child gets to 18, I think you will completely understand where your ex's mum is coming from. We can't expect to like our childrens choice in girlfriends/boyfriends, but if they then to go on to have children, of course they want to be a part of it. You may not see eye to eye right now as you are hurt, but she might become a great ally in the future. What do your parents say? Do they like her?
You also mentioned that your ex hurt your tummy, can you explain this some more?
I know I am doing the thing for myself and my baby. It has been very hard leaving and getting through each day. My family have supported me massively and I know that they will continue to do so. I feel guilty everyday for leaving but I know he wouldn't have changed once the baby is born because he was getting progressivly worse. His mum isn't interested in the baby, she never has been.
Hi samanthajayne and stanleys_mommy
I am sorry if you were offended by my post, my intention was only to give another point of view not advice, and as i put in my post i would never suggest that anyone put themselves and their children in a dangerous situation.
You are right it is your choice, and i am sure that you have done what is right for you and your family, no one should stay in an abusive relationship.
Have either of you had a look at the Freedom Programme? here is a link to the online course that looks at Domestic Abuse.
Hi there I just wanted to pop back on and say hi again, before I go home for the weekend.
samanthajayne it was great to read that you have done our Freedom Programme course and will look to find a local one in the future. I think its brilliant and worked really hard to get it online. Thank you for recommending it to stanleys_mommy too, I hope she gets to take a look.
stanleys_mommy, is this the name you are going to give your baby??
Oops 
Hi Sally W. I haven't been on other threads recently, now with the job and everything. Trying to catch up with reading some of these now. Hope you're okay, and your children. Are they all getting excited now with Christmas looming (too quickly for my liking). That's really sad to hear that your mum doesn't get to see your brother's children, and sad also for them, missing out on what your own children have with her. Take care. xx
Hi hazeleyes
Sally is away from the boards for a few days.
Families are all different and people take decisions for a variety of reasons.
Hope you are both ok, samantha jayne and stanleys_mummy
They may not be granted it, if he is not on the birth certificate then he does not have any paternal rights and has to fight through the court to get them. Then he has to go for vistation, which can be on your request supervised. It sounds like you have done the best thing in getting away from him. I'm hoping my ex threatening solicitors will not come to anything, that hes bing vindictive.