Hi I'm N my daughter is divorced and her ex sees F who is 5 second weekend each month. He lives 2-3 hours drive away and agreed it was not good for F to travel that far during term time. He now has a flat with girlfriend and is insisting F visits hm.
What are her rights?
After we first split up ex was going to live with his first fiance across country. That would have been a three + hour drive away. The thing that concerned me was the fact that picking up the children and driving back would make him tired - compromising the safety of my children, in my books.
Although he never did move, we had agreed that we would meet half way to drop off and pick up. Not for his benefit, but for me to feel I was perhaps making things a bit better for the children.
None of this is easy though...
Hi Louise
Thank you for your reply
The gf is not an issue he had moved on before the marriage had ended and my daughter had excepted that. My daughter asked to meet her just so she could see who F was being looked after by but it hasn't happen!
He went camping in the summer and then a chalet somewhere local.
She has never objected to visits (she feels F should see father more often but he only wants it on his terms) and has no objections to holiday visits to the flat it is just term time. He asks to visit then changes his mind so F was getting upset don't tell him now until day before.
She cannot afford to go to court and the local mediation centre is Bromley as she works full time that is not going to help she cannot afford to take time off as she uses all her leave looking after F to give me a break. Also there is no way ex would come down for that.
Hello again L Garrard
So you are saying that your daughter would not be able to have time off for mediation (although some centres do evening sessions) although if your graddaughter's dad would not go then that is no good anyway.
So your daughter is left with the choice of: putting her foot down and hoping he co-operates or doing as he asks, or witholding contact? Could she try a letter to him explaining that it would be better for F to have contact locally during termtime? She could also offer for herself, youself or another family member to undertake part of the journey, as sparkling lime has suggested, on the holiday visits.
Hello L Garrard, welcome.
You ask "what are her rights?" The only person who has "rights" in this situation is your granddaughter....the courts would see her as having a "right" to a relationship with both parents as long as it is safe to do so.
So what you are saying is that your granddaughter has been seeing her dad once a month...and the new flat he has got is still 2-3-hours drive away? it does seem a long way for a little child to travel. I presume he rented a Travelodge near your daughter's home before?
The issue of the new girlfriend is a separate matter, and unless you are aware she is violent or has substance abuse issues, for example, there really is little you can do to stop her being included in any contact, and all you can do is to appeal to him and suggest that she should not be introduced to your granddaughter so suddenly and that it should only happen over a longer period of time.
He cannot "insist" that your granddaughter goes to his house, however, it is a matter to be agreed between the parents or in a court. If he is unapproachable about this, your daughter could go to Family Mediation. Her dad could also make an application through the courts, however, and this may well succeed. Maybe the two parents could agree to phase in visits to his flat, say during the holidays when she will be less tired, rather than it happening every month to start with?