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Trying to be a good mum

anon (not verified)

 

 

Posted on: March 17, 2012 - 1:41am
Louise
Parenting specialist DoppleMe

Hello Lilliful

Welcome to One Space

How distressing for you! It's really unusual for such a small child to be doing this, especially when he has had no contact with his dad for so long. Time to get inside his head! What is his concept of "daddy"? Is his dad mentioned in his hearing at all (by you or others) Does he hear you chatting on the phone about his dad? What about daddies in general, does he have a favourite story book or TV programme where he is particuarly keen on the daddy? Here are a few things you can do:

1. Make sure that no-one discusses his daddy in his hearing

2. If he asks about his daddy in the daytime, just say something vague like daddy is busy at work and DISTRACT him (have a think about, say, three things that you know would distract him so that you have these in your mind and are not trying to invent them on the spot)

3. If he has tantrums or wakes in the night, just soothe and reassure him. When he says, in this state "I want daddy" just say I know, I know, and cuddle and kiss him and tell him you love him

4. Introduce concepts of other sorts of families, or who lives in what house, for example on your street there could be people who live on their own, older couples, children with just a mum, incliude the pets when you talk about the household.

5. I can recommend this simple and colourful book to reinforce the notion that families come in all shapes and sizes

What do you think?

 

Posted on: March 17, 2012 - 9:04am

Lilliful (not verified)

Jx

Posted on: March 31, 2012 - 3:58pm

Jacqfly

Lilliful

Been there with a bright boy. we got thru that time. I used book and tv in a positive way to celebrity Dads and Mums. I created a picture album just for him and we spoke about his dad and what he is like. " Dad can't be with us for now" followed by distraction worked repeatedly at that age.

As he gets older he may like other adults and children to talk with as well as yourself.

Each stage there is a different challenge and you simply do your best at the time. My son first had contact with his father at 7 and it was a positive experience for him.

Weldone you. I feel for your uncertainty but hugs and kisses with reassurance of your love with give your son the resilience to take him thru life.

Regards

Posted on: March 17, 2012 - 10:38am

Lilliful (not verified)

G

Posted on: March 31, 2012 - 3:59pm

littleredhen
DoppleMe

you can't be responsible for the other parent's behaviour - be open and talk - you are a good mum so don't tell yourself otherwise - a lot of the time when your little one is older you may have to answer with "i don't know" - hang on in there

Posted on: March 17, 2012 - 12:12pm

Lilliful (not verified)

Tkg

Posted on: March 31, 2012 - 3:59pm

littleredhen
DoppleMe

if I am honest with you I doubt you will ever understand unless he sits you down and explains everything - all you know is that you would/could never do it - therein lies the problem.  Try really hard not to think about the why's and wherefores but be honest with your son and try and be as kind as you can.  I am not in your situation and I don't want to go into detail but I have a different albeit quite similar background (sorry to sound mysterious but I don't want to post about it because of maybe being identified)  In my experience what I say are the facts and occasionally things like "I expect it was difficult but I don't know for sure" and try and keep all of the emotion out of my voice.  That way I am not getting angry on their behalf and I am leaving them to make up their own minds about how they feel.  It is a very difficult thing to do but that way your son can make up his own mind how he feels without your baggage (sorry if that sounds rude) its worth it in the end - sorry i can't say more but I do know how hard it is not to be angry on their behalf

Posted on: March 17, 2012 - 1:17pm

Louise
Parenting specialist DoppleMe

Hi Lilliful

Lots of people on here have had the experience of the other parent not being interested in their child and it is heartbreaking. Have a look at this article, on the topic.

Posted on: March 17, 2012 - 1:25pm

Lilliful (not verified)

Uvhj

Posted on: March 31, 2012 - 4:00pm

Louise
Parenting specialist DoppleMe

Aww Lilliful, a rolley-poley smiley

Happy Mother's Day to you!! Did you enjoy your night out?

Posted on: March 18, 2012 - 9:11am

sparklinglime
DoppleMe

smiley

Posted on: March 18, 2012 - 3:28pm