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Hi, i'm new here, this is my first post so i hope i'm posting in the right place!
I was wondering if anyone could give me some advice or relate to what i'm going through...
I'm a single parent to one daughter. We have recently moved to a new house. One reason we moved from our old house was because of a man and his threatening behaviour towards myself because I was not interested in dating him. His behaviour was becoming very strange and I felt threatened so decided to just move away. Ever since I have had real trouble sleeping, worrying that someone will break into my home. I find i am incredibly tired but forcing myself to stay awake out of fear that someone might break in whilst i'm asleep. I know i am being very paranoid, and I know I cannot go on staying up until 3am every night, so has anyone else ever felt this way? I find it intimidating walking past men or having any man know I am a single mother living alone. I always used to jump at the odd noise at night, but i'm finding myself creating ridiculous situations in my head, and, well, i'm exhausted running on only 4 or 5 hours of sleep a night! My friends think i am crazy and I am starting to think so too, lol , and i tell myself everyday "tonight its bed at 10pm, don't be ridiculous" but the fear of someone breaking in and harming myself or my daughter takes over and i end up staying awake until the early hours of the morning! How do you get over this fear? I lived alone for almost 2 years before I started to do this!
Hello Pheobe
Glad you posted this, it is something that many people will have experience of. Bubblegum has given you a lot of useful information and knowing someone else has been through it can be helpful anyway.
Ok so you say that you have lived alone before, it is the experience with this man that has unsettled you so much.
A few practical measures will help. A phone in the bedroom, extra security precautions downstairs (the local Crime Prevention Officer will be happy to come round give you free advice about this). What are your neighbours like? It would be good to make friends with them so they would notice anything different and you could call on them if you had any concerns.
However, the other aspect of this is your feelings. You need your sleep to be able to function properly and be the best parent you can. See your GP and asked to be referred for some short term counselling. In the meantime think about any opportunity to nap and catch up, just to get through the next few weeks.
During my own periods of insomnia, I really found music a massive help. Find a radio station that is on all night (Radio 2 is suitably boring) and have it on at very low volume in the bedroom, this blocks out a lot of the "sudden noises" and can soothe you anyway. Relaxation techniques will also help, perhaps meditation or yoga, you can get cheap CDs and DVDs about this. Don't forget the wonderful Samaritans, they are at the end of the phone 24 hours a day and on nights when you just need the reassurance of a human voice, then don't hesitate to phone them. Their number is 08457 909090
We are all here for you, Pheobe so keep posting
There is more radio here than you could listen to in a lifetime : ) I used to go to sleep with my computer playing something myself.
I never thought of local crime prevention, is there a neighbourhood watch?
My sister gets a lot from yoga, she does it everyday and is for ever showing me some new muscle she has developed, Here is some free on-line stuff.
Hope your feeling better today.
Talk to people : )
Thank you Bubblegum and Louise!
It was nice to read both of those replies, it definately makes me think that I need to figure out some way to change my thinking. It's funny because I used to be very independent and strong. The man I mentioned has definately had an affect on me, and thanks for the advice. It's just his words and behaviour it's so fresh in my mind I thinkk. He just had very strange words like "don't be on your own at night now ... just you and your daughter..." which of course it creepy and unsettling.He got very upset when I finally put my foot down and said i wasen't interested. Before I was just being polite and friendly (will be so much more careful now), but the last time I saw him is when I said I just wanted to be friends, he got in his car and drove off away cross. It is probably a good thing as he probably just had his pride knocked and won't think twice of me again. I've heard from old neighbours he has also moved, and he longer knows where I live, so hopefully I won't ever see him again, but your mind still plays tricks on you at night when you're by yourself!
I have my my neighbours here, although still don't know them well enough to go further than "hello!" at the moment as I have only been here a few weeks.
Sorry to hear you had trouble sleeping last night too Bubblegum! I have been up since 830 so am feeling very zombie like today! Tonight I am going to try putting the radio on. You are right about "if it's going to happen its going to happen so why stress". We all only live once and in reality it is so silly to waste time worrying about what might happen. I also think that the more tired you are, the more your mind plays tricks on you, which is probably why it's a difficult cycle to break once you start worrying.
I would love to start yoga classes! But I don't have anyone in my area to watch my daughter for me. It's a shame the classes always start so late, if they were day time hours I could bring her with me! The person who starts teaching exercise classes during the day... that you can also have your small children join in with... will make millions, lol .
Thank you both for replying! : )
Hi Pheobe. Welcome along to One Space. I think getting used to a new place is always a bit 'eerie'. Getting to know all the creaks etc. I moved nearly 5 years ago, and still get a bit jumpy. I double check windows, doors etc. I do have trouble sleeping, and always fall asleep with the tv on, low volumme. Some nights, I even take sleeping tablets (prescribed by gp). I was worried about taking them, as I was concerned that I wouldn't hear a thing, but for me, that isn't the case. If my son calls me, I'm still very much alert.
You're not on your own with the way you are feeling. As others have said, extra security, get to know your neighbours, even taking a stick or something. Maybe leave a downstairs light, or landing light on. I always take my phone with me too.
It might be that the reason you feel like this is also connected to the man, that you moved to escape from. Eventually, things will settle for you, but you really aren't alone in feeling the way you do.
Take care
Alison
x
Thank you Alison. It is nice, in a way, to know i'm not completly crazy or alone in this.
Maybe people just don't talk about it because we all want to appear as being the best parents possible, but the other mum's at toddler groups and at my daughter's nursery always seem so alert, organized, strong, and it makes you wonder if you are the only one who sits up at night fretting.
It sounds like such a childish topic, not being able to sleep because of being frightened, but I guess it is more common than people think. When I posted this last night I was dreading reading the replies thinking people would say I was either a) overly paranoid/crazy or b) being very childish. So thank you!
: )
It is not childish at all, it is understandable. I am one of the most confident people you can imagine and yet for a year or so following my divorce I only slept for four hours a night, which meant I then fell to sleep in some weird places in the daytime.
You are not alone, Pheobe!
Hi Phoebe, really feel for you lack of sleep is awful. After my shed was broken into I had an alarm fitted in my house, only a cheap one and a friend fitted it but it made an absolutely massive difference to how I slept. Before when I dropped off (even before the shed) the slightest noise woke me up and I couldnt get back to sleep as my imagination went into overdrive (mad axe murderers in the kitchen etc). Now i just think the alarm would go off if anyone was there and go back to sleep. Listening to radio, tv or pc didnt work for me because then I was worried I wouldnt hear if there was a noise (weird eh)! As Alisoncam says always take your phone up too. But the alarm really works for me. Good luck hope you get some sleep soon.
Hi Phoebe. I hope you manage to get a good night tonight. Just a thought, but have you looked on freecycle? You never know, someone might be giving a house alarm away for free. You could always try Netmums too, and maybe put a request for one on both of these sites.
You aren't alone with any of this. Like you say, not many people actually say that they are wary at night time, but it is great that you brought the subject up. Now we can all share our fears, and know that we're not alone (with our madness maybe, hehehe)
x
Thank you everyone. I have considered an alarm. A member of my family has tried to warn me off getting one though. She said she used to have an alarm and it would go off randomly, leaving her shaking and terrified a number of times in the middle of the night! She then bought a new one, and found it did the same thing. Maybe it was where she placed it (the sensors could've picked up a door handle or something?) but it has made me a bit wary of getting one. I think it would not only terrify me, but obviously my daughter. If I was promised a fault free one, I would of course have it fitted right away! It's something to consider though, if my nights don't seem to get better. Hopefully tonight will be better, although Saturday nights are the worst for local noise so we will see!! Hope you are all enjoying your weekends!
: )
To be honest, I have an alarm. I bought it before I moved into the flat. I've never put it up, and people also warned me about the sensors being triggered off!
Do you live in a noisy area then Phoebe? My road is pretty quiet, except when the neighbour kicks off with his sons, (he is a single Dad, with teenage boys), and at the end of the road, this particular Mum goes out, and sometimes all hell lets loose in hers!!!! Oohhhh, it's lovely living here for entertainment, lol.
I haven't had much experience of this area yet as I haven't lived here long, but it seems to be a bit noisy on the weekends! Quiet during the week. It's quite a mixed area, 2 bed flats on the same road as large families in 5 bed houses. I won't say exactly where I am, but just outside of London. There is a party going on at the moment somewhere on my road, not too close to my house so it's ok! : )
Perhaps you could gatecrash, and introduce yourself 
Your road seems similar to mine. Are you in a flat?
Haha, not sure they would appriciate a three year old gatecrashing aswell though! I'm sure she could make more noise than them! : )
No, I'm in a small house! Which region are you from Alison?
Am not far from London either, on the train, about half hour I guess. Not that I visit London much to be honest!!
Same and same! It's nice being close to London.. but not actually "in" London!
Did you move far from your previous house? Really what I'm saying is, are your friends still close enough to visit, and vice versa?
Yes, i'm still within a 15 minute drive of the old one! Although as much as I love my friends, I have some truely amazing ones, they have their own lives, partners and jobs, so I don't see them too often anymore. Hopefully I will meet some more friends when my daughter starts school! How old are you children? (If school age) did you find that you met new friends when your children started school/nursery?
Have a son, 8 last week. I started meeting more once he started Nursery. I have (met) some wonderful people on here too. I know it isn't quite the same, but we all seem to understand each other because of situations that we are in. I used to think I was the only one sitting at home, alone, but of course this isn't the case.
No I understand what you mean! I only found this site last night, but have already been on it a lot! It's comforting in a way knowing i am not the only single parent feeling a bit lonely! And i'm finding it really interesting reading the old discussions too... it's nice to talk to real people too (well... sort of!) going through the same things, rather than reading a text book about it, or going through it alone. I already feel a lot better tonight - in reference to this discussion I started, even though I am still awake, I'm not jumping up every few minutes or sitting with my finger ready to dial "999"! My friends are fabulous when I see them, but it's not too often recently through no ones fault. That is why i'm glad I stumbled upon One Space! : )
Good morning Pheobe. Did you manage a better night? Have you any plans for the day? The sun is shining here (at moment). I have no plans other than ironing, as long as C's uniform is done, then I'm not bothered about the other bits!! I have never liked Sundays, even in the holidays.
Hope you and your daughter have a lovely day whatever you're doing.
Take care
Alison
x
I like it here too : )
me too 
I like the emoticons too 
Sunny here. Feel shattered, yet I need to call in to work as someone is unable to find a price, so I need to go and get the file of the shelve and look.
Oooh thanks for that, it has made me smile as I sit here waiting for Working Tax Credit to answer the phone 
. They have stopped their payments as youngest is 16 and I need to tell them about his college course.
Good luck with that Louise
Working Tax Credits telephone waiting is the "black hole". None ever return.
I got through!!!! They must have seen me wearing my imginary glasses as I dialled.
Pheobe, how are you doing today?
Do you owe them something? ^^
Phoned EMA the other day to say oldest was at college. Some rude person at the other end insisting on speaking to eldest. Passed phone to eldest, who suffered the rudeness too.
Its not really going to encourage the young people of today to be polite on the phone with people in authority, is it.
Rude person did say it was sorted, so I hope it was!
I have to send orginal birth cert in for daughter's EMA.
Hi alisoncam,
Doing ok today! What was supposed to be a day out with our friend ending up being a day at home doing housework as she cancelled last minute, so was a bit disappointing! Managed to get through the huge pile of washing and ironing though (fun!) And did manage the park for half an hour. How was your day?
Hi Pheobe. Sorry that your day with friend was cancelled. Last minute is especially upsetting, but I guess can't be helped. Pleased you managed the park though, not so sure should be saying pleased you got washing and ironing done, hehe. Although it's great when the chores are out of the way eh.
I also did the ironing, then nothing much else really, apart from dinner of course. I sat playing with my son on playstation. A neighbour popped over in morning, just for few mins. She had some biscuits given to her, and didn't like them, so she thought C might eat them. (of course).
How did you sleep last night?
x
I don't have an iron : )
Alisoncam, you get up even earlier than me.
My daughter told me last night that she no longer wants to marry Bob the builder and I asked her who was it now and she told me Darth Vader : ) I have shown her how to google images and she has googled a picture of Darth Vader and set it to her desktop background on her computer.
: )
I didn't fall asleep until about 2am, although alarm did not go off this morning and my daughter and I both slept in until about 915! So i'm not feeling too tired today! Although am very behind in everything I have to do today now! (She says on the computer - tea break! ; ) lol) And yes, it is a great feeling (very sad!) when you finally catch up on the housework! Do you have any interesting plans for the week ahead?
Bubblegum that is so cute! How old is your daughter? My daughter keeps asking me when I'm going to marry Michael Buble! It makes me laugh every time because she is completley serious! I keep explaining that he is very famous, lives very far away and is married already (I think?) But I love the fact she still thinks it could happen! Bless her! My daughter also tells me when she grows up she wants to be a tiger : )
Hi Bubblegum. Normally alarm goes off at 6.45, but was awake at 6!!!! Your little girl is growing up fast, now on to Darth Vader eh, hehe. C was mad about Bob the Builder, drove me nuts. He still has the collection which I've put in the loft, along with Noddy! Figure these will still be going when he has children.
Hi Phoebe. So you're marrying Michael Buble and your daughter wants to be a tiger, hahaha. I love kids imaginations. Shame for you though about Michael Hold onto the dream though, wouldn't hold onto your daughters though 
Hi Pheobe
Well at least you got seven hours sleep? That sounds a bit better for you, even if you are behind on your acitivities. I am sorry to tell you that you cannot marry Michael because my friend goes to all his concerts and her nickname is Mrs Buble, unless he could have a harem? 
Bubblegum: with Darth Vader for a son-in-law, your future is assured
I have to say that the only reason I'm not Mrs David Coulthard is because he's not met me yet
Same with Tom Selleck. Just Monaco, where David lives is that much closer should he need to commute.
I'll go now....
We can dream girls! Ha! : ) I will settle for Dermot OLeary aswell, if the Gods are reading, lol...
I am the same Louise! (With my Michael B obsession, lol.) Although haven't ever been to his concerts sadly! And thanks! I was very grateful for the "lie-in" today! Although ended up having a truely awful day, forgot my umbrella and ended up walking around with peep toe shoes on for a good hour in the rain doing odd jobs, whilst argueing with benefits people on the phone, etc. No fun at all! Heres hoping for a good weekend! Only 4 more days... sigh.. lol.
Who is David Coulthard Sparklinglime?
And yes alisoncam lol! Shes also said she wants to be a princess, a snail or a teacher! But mostly wants to be a tiger! Love her imagination! : )
Who's David Coulthard??
He was a formula one racing driver but is now one of the commentators It's so good now as I can see him without the helmet.
However, he is now a dad... And not sure if he's married. 
And the chances of him meeting me is remote, so he doesn't need to worry about me sweeping him off his feet!
Ohhh...I would happily be Mrs Lewis Hamilton, although we would have to have a serious chat about speeding and child safety in the car!
HelenT
Utterly nutty all of you.
Lol alisoncam! Definately! : ) Hope you are enjoying the rest of your birthday! Did you enjoy the strawberry pudding? (Couldnt remember how to spell 'gateu'..) I thought it was so so cute that your son got you the hot water bottle! Sounds as if you've had a great day! : )
I had never heard of David Coulthard lol! Oh maybe you could get tickets to see him commentating one day, get lost on the way to the loos and "bump" into him! : ) You never know!
And I have to agree about Lewis Hammilton HelenT!!
I'm sure there are plenty of lovely men out there somewhere for all of us oneday anyway! Celebrity or not lol!
Aww cute photos bubblegum!
Night! : )
I had the same thing when I was first on my own, not being able to sleep, double checking all the doors, drawing the curtains, I used to hide all the knives just in case she managed to get in while I was asleep and picked them up on the way through the kitchen. I too used to go through wild elaborate fantasies that when I stopped and thought were quite ridiculous.
For me it just got less over time, like the more time and nothing happened it got less and then got worse when ever we had to deal with her in some way or other, in court and such or when she writes particularly nasty emails, even today nearly six years on if I catch a glimpse of a slender woman of mixed race through the corner of my eye a jolt goes through my body.
Just keep all your doors and windows secure and sleep with a large heavy stick, that's what I did : ) seems a bit drastic now but it's all about making you feel reassured and safe which at the end of the day is mostly a state of mind.
I always try to remember... worrying about something is a waste of time as if it's going to happen its going to happen so why stress. Probably not what you want to hear mind : )
But if you are worried about a specific person then just call the police from my experience they are very helpful and take that sort of thing seriously, they came round and talked to me, I eventually got a non molestation order on her.
Or if you are worried just in general then do the same anyway, it can't hurt, I'm sure there must be some sort of system of helping and reassuring people, some of the other people on here will probably have some advice or places to go to get some reassurance or help.
Either way, don't worry just think about happy things :) and if you can't sleep don't fight it, watch a film or read a book maybe, have a glass of wine : )
Night times are always the worst for your mind to wander off and get you all worked up, everything looks better in the morning.
If it's any consolation I too have been up all night as my X appeared on my door a few weeks ago and it's unsettled me, I don't think it has but it must have or why would I be here at this time on my PC : )
Later.