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So I've been going into work to, in theory, finish earlier and be home by 2.30pm. Hasn't happened of course. Even finished at 6pm last Wednesday.
Children as so happy, doing what they want, and don't mind living in a tip at all.
I do.
I'm fed up of not having curtains up in my room and having no one to ask. Fed up of not having anyone to ask to put up brackets in the living room so we can open the blinds and then put the curtains up - not that I have anyone to put the curtains up anyway.
Wonderful listening to my Mother-in-Law telling me what fun the children had with their Dad and that it really was a great evening.
Can't actually remember the last time I can say I had a great evening, being out with friends doing something different.
But then friends are something I really do lack - or friends who have time to do something anyway. I do know some lovely people.
I'd love to come home to a tidy house. I do the best I can, and by a Sunday evening, it is usually quite reasonable. Last weekend though I was giving up my time for 7 Scouts. Abandoning all here... One son having a sleepover, and then of course wonderful evening out with their Dad (which apparantly is only right as per MiL - when I'm the one who does actually point this out)
Today I see no point to me. I actually set a challenge to anyone to justify why there is a point to me.
I used to play sport, decorate my house - whether it be wallpapering or painting. My carpets would be clean as I'd be on my knees with 1001 at he hint of a mark. I loved gardening. Plants grown from seed, watered from a watering can, lawn with stripes.
Now I can only watch sport. Look at manky walls and wish I could decorate - or at least have a half decent house and bank balance to get someone in to decorate...
And the garden... Two foot high grass blowing in the wind, with nothing but brambles an dandelions for plants.
Today I really don't see the point in being me. I just don't see the point in being...
.
Hugs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Wish I were closer, I'd take you out for a fun evenign!
After two long days in placement I came home to huge chaos at home. I am not a tidy person, but there are limits even to my tolerance levels! So I've escaped and gone to the library.
Sending you lots of really positive thoughts! xxx
Aww sparklinglime, it is a bad day or bad week perhaps. Your ex husband is in town and it is rocking your world again.
Louise has said what 'the point to being you' is very precisely, we adore you on here and there are lots of people that value your very being.
Take a step and contact a friend.
How long is your ex in town? Or have your children had their one visit and thats it until the next time?
With regards to the house, yesterday after a very busy and hot day at work, I left then had to pop into my brothers briefly, then went passed mine picked up my daughter and drove her to sleepover outside of town - it was an hours round trip. Anyway I then had another hour of work to do at home before the evening was mine. I got in my house, happy to be home, stroked my cat and went into the kitchen -- it looked like a bomb had hit it! My daughters stuff from being away was all over the place, dirty clothes, books, bit of paper and sweet wrappers and then to top it off LOADS of washing up! I was furious, she has been home for 2 days and already the house is a tip.
I haven't seen her since, but left a sharp text message and expect her to have cleaned up by the time I get home tonight.
Basically what I am saying is that I can empathise with you, when you are busy doing lots for other people and no-one seems to make that effort for you, it can feel terribly lonely and pointless. You have 4 children making a mess so I can imagine the mess that can be made!!
On that note - you have 4 teenagers, what about a rota? What about witholding stuff? you are all going to live under the same roof over the summer and chores should be shared - especially if you are out at work.
Eek long post, just want you to know that we are here for you 
I came home from work today and my daughter broke down in tears.
Been an awful morning here, involving the eldest.
He'd disappeared, of course.
Three phone calls and two and a half hours later he came home with a friend in tow. Friend sent to wait in the car while the five of us thrashed things out in the living room. He cried, daughter cried, youngest cried... Sixteen year old just picked a scab on his arm 
I don't know.
The Git's not been mentioned, and to be fair, didn't really have much to do with yesterday until MiL phoned up gushing about him - which is when I posted on here.
So I'm now off - except for going for a meal on Friday and going in on Monday to help do the VAT!!
Watching the younger three in the garden now. Daughter got the grass cut this morning and it does look lovely. Wish I knew how to reward her - although I have left a message with a driving instructor today, which has made her smile.
.
Gosh. Hadn't thought of that.
I'm tired. Another early night I think.
night
Agree with LRH re your daughter, sparkling. Another do with your eldest, eh? It's a difficult one, and if anything like my eldest, they can swing from "I am an adult, don't patronise me" to wanting to be babied again.....However, YOUR house, YOUR rules, remember?
I do like to think I praise my children. Quite a lot really. I'm very careful to say please and thank you too.
My daughter needed the cry and needed the hug, and we - as in her and the two younger lads and me really enjoyed looking around at their hard work and appreciating how good it looks now the grass is cut.
Yes, I think praise is something you do a lot, sparkling
I hope my suggestion didn't come across as a criticism of you sparklinglime - it certainly wasn't meant that way
I think it was a good comment lrh. I am guilty of asking a million times for something to be done and then when it happens, I feel greatful!! Ha ha, which is bizarre because as you said - It was what I had asked for in the first place!
The annoying thing is that you just don't notice it at the time. Also you feel your teens becoming more independent, they give a good argument and they are like a brick wall when you want them to do something that they don't want to, if they give anything, it can feel as though you are privileged!! Of course not all the time, but when you have that feeling that life is getting on top of you!
sparklinglime - I am so pleased that it all came out. I did chuckle when you mentioned your 16 yr olds involvement!!
I hope seeing you so pleased with their work in the garden will give them incentive to keep it up! Wonders will never cease!!
Hi, I think lrh's comment was spot on, I shall bear that in mind too.
Sparkling, I hope you are feeling better today, I know how it feels when your world seems to revolve around everyone one else. Try to factor in something just for you everyday, it doesn't have to be much, but a bit of you time sounds lacking at the moment.
Do you find it hard to ask for help? I know I do as it makes me feel like I can't cope. The suggestion about putting an ad for some help sounds like a good one, louise suggested doing a swap to me on another thread, so maybe there is somthing you can do in exchange for them putting up your brackets/curtains.
Sending you happy and contented vibes x
Sparkling, you praise your children all the time, so well done for you. Your daughter was doing exactly what you wanted, but she is just a girl, and I feel it shouldn't be expected at her age, and yet you still praised her, so a pat on the back for you. It sounds like you've had as much as a shite week as me, and unlike me, (cos I couldn't see my settee) so couldn't find the pc, you've ranted on here (which is what we are here for)
I for one realise you have it harder than others on here. You have four children, are disabled, work, and still come home and do scout and other stuff. You are a brilliant mum, that deals with all problems, big and small, and you still come out smiling. You are amazing Sparkling, always there to support others on here, have been for nearly 4 years?
Really feel the need to comment on something here. if Sparkling could do things for herself, then she would. Things that hack her off, she is unable to do without a hell of a lot of effort on her part.
Sparkling, I do hope you're okay, am thinking of you. xxxx
Hugs and kisses to you of course
I meant my post kindly and not as a criticism so I am sorry that I have made things worse instead of better - I will delete my advice as it was not needed
lrh, your post was meant kindly of course, but those that have known Sparkling for all these years on here, know she always praises her kids, no matter what. You haven't made things worse, not saying that, but also with Sparklings disability, she cannot do things, others take for granted I suppose, and because I've 'known' her for years on here, I just felt, on reading her rant, and replies, that I would defend her, as she hasn't been on line for a few days. This is my first day back also, and I've seen how stressed she felt.
Defend wasn't the right word to use there in the previous post.
Oh dear it seems there has been a bit of upset here.
LRH all you were saying was that sometimes we feel we have to pay back when something has been done for us but it is nice to just be able to receive the good deed and say thanks and give a compliment. I agree with that...and there is a lesson for us all, to be able to ask for and accept help when needed.
One of the aspects of our roles as Moderators is to encourage members and be positive, that does not mean we do not empathise with what people post....indeed often they are things we have experienced ourselves. However with all this positivity, maybe hazeleyes felt that a proper acknowledgement for sparkling's siutation was not given so I also understand her point of view. But that is nothing against you, LRH...if you look at my own post and at Anna's, we both are taking the same positive line.
I hope everyone feels OK...and that definitely includes sparkling! It is a kind and supportive place here and we all pull together.
Totally agree Louise with what you've said. I didn't feel that Sparkling's situation was acknowledged really, and I do think we've all come to know Sparkling so well, and her disability etc, which does restrict what she can and cannot do. Of course it's great to be positive, but when you actually cannot do much stuff, and it all piles on top of you, then it is extremely difficult to think positive, let alone do anything positive.
I hope everyone is okay too, I didn't mean to cause any upset (if I have) lrh, I know you didn't mean your post as a critisim. Hope you're having a good weekend.
Hi Hazeleyes, I am glad that I have understood what you were feeling.
All of us were coming from the same standpoint: myself, Anna, lrh and pq.
No-one in this situation is "right" or "wrong" and it is important that we all respect each others' points of view
Back to what is the most important thing: How are you, sparkling lime?
Hope you're feeling better today sparkling
Today it's my turn not to see the point.
Woke up feeling really down. Got rid of that. Had oncologist secretary ring saying they had a cancellation with another consultant do I want to come in at one. Said ok. No3 son got up - hadn't done anything I asked him (bring my laptop down and the plates from his room). After telling him 5 times I had the laptop.
He's been complaining that there's no food. But he wastes so much (eg making three cheese on toast and leaving half. Eating only half of last night's dinner, etc.). He doesn't like my cooked dinners apparently. He is never home for meals. I said I am not stocking up the fridge with snack food, that's too expensive. He said shut up it isn't. I said don't talk to me like that. He said can he have money, I said I've not got any, especially not for you to buy junk food. He started kicking stuff, I shouted stop it. He said he can't ever do anything because everything costs money. I said I do things without spending money all the time. He said he wasn't like me. I said well, what do you want to do. (he didn't answer that). He went outside to the shed. Came back said Pleeeasse can I have some money, I haven't asked for money for four days (!!!!). Just to make him go away I gave him the last two Pounds I had.
I went into his room. There were 4 plates all half full of food. The mess in there is unbelievable. A couple of months ago I bought a new blind for his window and it's trashed on the floor.
I just want to give up. What IS the point???? Really missing my husband. :(
Gosh I am not surprised, Hopeful, I would feel furious, and I totally agree with you about the snack food. I hope you left his room exactly as it was.
Not sure whether to suggest that you could buy the worst thing possible (Tesco Value Weetabix are pretty spectacular in that respect) and say whoops that's all I could buy, you have wasted all the food....or could you label food in the fridge (I have done that in the past)...or give him a very small portion at mealtimes and say well you never eat it anyway (I did that thing when I gave youngest one chip, one pea and one carrot and made a joke of it) GRRRRRR though 
Perhaps he could spring clean his room the next time he wants a couple of quid, or he could wash the neighbour's car or walk someone's dog. If we give them money to shut them up (and yes I have done it too) then I guess what we teach them is if they make enough fuss they get money (bit like toddlers in that respect)
Anyway APPOINTMENT, good luck for that, take your calm head with you and it might be worth taking either pen+paper or a voice recorder as you can get a lot of info thrown at you in a big slice.
HUGS and let us know how you go on
I know throwing money at him is wrong, but I just couldn't stand it anymore and I just wanted him to go away. I do normally get him to do jobs for money though. Went shopping and bought a mix of stuff. Oh, and apart from taking the plates out I touched nothing.
Your idea of only giving him one chip and a pea made me laugh. It reminded me when No1 son asked for an omelette, but without any eggs and my husband put an empty plate in front of him! He was most upset!
Feeling better atm. Will go to get daughter from my mum when placement is finished. No1 son will come to stay and will hopefully get him to tidy up. Biiiiig sigh. x
Had a good chuckle over that empty plate trick your hubby pulled on no1 son hopeful, hope your appointment went well?
Yes, Sally, very well, on other post! :-)
I have every sympathy with you, Hopeful, dealing with teenagers is just the pits. Well done for touching nothing. Nerves of steel, that's what we need!
Teenagers seem to me to be like another species...i'm so not looking forward to that phase with my girls.
Hope you're ok hopeful
Hope you're okay Hopeful. Not looking forward to the teenage years either. It's bad enough now!!
Yes, I'm ok. Thank you for letting me vent my frustration! :-)
Hi Hopeful, please vent all you wish!
Do you set aside an amount of money for son No3 a month, ie: pocket money?
I'm kinda having a month of not seeing the point too, so I get where you are coming from!
I've just been switched onto JSA, and no one tells you that there's a gap between IS stopping and getting JSA money in, so I wasn't prepared for it, so having to go about 3 weeks with nothing but TC, (woman at the JC was like, you need to make the money you got yesterday last, umm, yeah, it was gone already, by the time I'd paid the bills and done the grocery shopping, went in in the morning, was gone by the lunchtime!!) in the school hols too, so no day trips or anything for us, as I don't drive, and buses are stupidly expensive, and there's nothing cheap enough/free in walking distance, so feeling like a rubbish Mum right now, knowing my son is having the most boring hols ever!!
My best friend of 15 years dumped me a couple of weeks ago, cos "you've grown up, but I haven't, so I don't think we should be friends anymore" (this said in an email, after he'd deleted and blocked me from facebook!) and considering he was not only my best friend, but pretty much my only real friend (I have lots of friends online from a forum I've been using for years, but they all live miles away, so don't get to see them very often, even less lately, cos I can't afford to go on any of the meets that get arranged!!) so feeling completely alone now, not even having him to talk to!
My bed collapsed underneath me last week, no money for a new one, although fortunately my son has bunks, so I am bunking in with him for the time being! My sister borrowed my kindle, and broke it, sounds silly to be upset, but reading is my thing, I love it, and I adored my kindle, it was literally my favourite thing! If my house was burning, I would save my son, my cat and my kindle, that's what it meant to me, so to lose it is heartbreaking for me, my Mum offered to claim for it on her insurance, but then realised the excess is more than the kindle costs to buy, so no point!
I've been on slimming world, and done so well, although still a long way to go to get to target, but these last few weeks I've not been on plan at all, totally comfort eating cos of all that's going on, and so putting on instead of losing, which then makes me feel even worse about myself, and feel kinda ill from not eating healthily, could kick myself for sabotaging myself, but can't seem to snap out of it!!
I have a great family support, esp my Mum and younger sister, but I never like to whinge about my problems cos I know there are people so much worse off than me, and really individually all my problems are mostly silly and trivial, it's just there's soo many of them, it's really overwhelming!
Sorry, I've hijacked your post with my pity party for one there, but it helps a little to get it all off my chest a little!
I'm normally a really positive person too, but being positive all the time when it feels like everything around you is falling apart is soo exhausting!!
Nat
Hi Natsplatt,
Totally get where you're coming from. Having a down time myself at the moment.
Glad you've got your family, I'm sure they'd be happy to listen to your worries and share your problems, but this site is great for that too.
Hello Natsplatt. Wow, not surprised you're feeling like you do. Lots of things seeming to go wrong at the moment. The Income Support and JSA money, I don't remember there being a gap at all. It's a straight changeover. I shall check what I posted about that (if I can find it). They cannot expect you not to have money for three weeks!!
Hi Natsplatt
I, too, think that is not on for there to be such a gap between money. I would give them hassle if I were you (warning, am sometimes known on here as Victor Meldrew as I am a serial complainer)
Re the bed, have you thought about a Budgeting Loan?
Slimming world, well if you can't stick to the plan at the moment, just try to concentrate on plenty of fruit and veg and getting out and about every day. Have a look at our thread about Family Fun for things to do in the holidays. Your imagination is your best friend. Treasure hunt? Indoor picnic? I used to have my rug as a magic carpet and me and the boys would travel to a place of our choice. What is your son's favourite tv/book character? He could be them for the day. How about learning some new action rhymes and songs together?
I am sad to hear about your friend, and yes! here is another article about Friends.
Phew I bet you are exhausted after that lot!
I have had a budgetting loan before, and have considered it again, but they wanted the money back in a really short time, and so it took quite a big chunk out of my money each fortnight, which just made general living really hard and stressful! I had £500 as needed new washing machine and oven (they both blew up within a week of each other!!) and had to pay it back in less than a year, it was taking £30 out of my benefits, which considering it was only just over £130 was quite a proportion, and I think I'd rather struggle with no bed, but know that day to day living was a little easier than go through that again!!
Re: the songs, we do love a good sing song, we both love sticking the radio on and having a good sing!! We both love Glee too, and enjoy watching/singing along to that!!
We've got a fun day out planned tomorrow too, that won't be expensive, so have something to look forward to for a change! We're off to the balloon fiesta with my sister, we've booked parking in advance, so it's only £6, very grateful to my sister for coming along, cos if I'd gone with just Z, public transport would have cost way more than that, bus fares are extortionate!!! Z knows not to ask for lots in the way of rides, I'll let him go on 1, and that's it, and we'll take a picnic lunch, rather than buy from the stands, so should be a good and cheap day out!!
Nat
NOTE FROM MODERATOR: Son's name has been initialised to protect anonymity.
Hi Natsplatt
I was wondering if you could move the mattress from your sons bed and move it into your room? Then save for a cheap mattress on the internet and then buying a bed base from Gumtree - slowly but surely?
We have been having fantastic weather, long may it last for the balloon fiesta, I have to buy a bridesmaids dress tomorrow, so I won't be going down.
Have you seen that there is going to be a Transformer down there! Will your son love that sort of thing?
LOL, the Transformer was why we were going!! Z has talked about little else for weeks!! We didn't stop for the balloons this year cos my sister (AKA the chauffeur, lol) had to babysit tonight (she's a nursery nurse and does babysitting for the children in her nursery quite a bit in the evenings too) but glad we didn't now, as spotted from friends comments on facebook that high winds meant they didn't go up anyway!
We've promised Z we will go for the glow next year though, he'll be 7.5 by then, so hopefully he'll manage the late night better than he would've this year! Also, hopefully I'll be working by then, and we can actually enjoy it fully, let him go on some rides etc, had to say no this year, cos too skint!
Nat
Hi Natsplatt
Please can you make sure that you do not use your son's full name, we tend to use initials here. We have edited all your posts so far to remove your son's name but obviously can't keep on doing this. Thanks
Glad you had a fab time, and your chauffeur got you home at a civilised hour and already looking forward to next year! I think it is a really positive thing to think of how your life might be changed within that 12 months...how would you like it to be?
Hello dear sparkling lime, so sorry to hear you are feeling like this. Your mobility problems mean that there is so much that you can't do that you used to do, and you survey the resulting picture around you.
I guess you know what I am going to say before I say it, whoops. I am saying two things: firstly there is no need for you to stay so late at work. I understand your involvement but you are not paid to be a full-timer. And secondly your children can be on a chores rota. But there is only YOU that can achieve this. Family meeting? Family contract? Don't want to nag you too much, but truly it is down to you to impose any order you want to achieve.
Ok so you have no-one to put up the brackets and the curtains. So find a local handyman, these days there are plenty of people who would do that for a small amount of money. Agreed, it would be better to have a friend to do it but if you don't have that sort of friend, seize control. You do know a lot of lovely people, but if you feel you don't have any that you can go and have fun with, then time to find some. First have a think about those who are your friends already. Any possiblities for a social life there? What about the lady you work with, you always have a laugh with her. Would you join a group? How about church?
And let's have a group GRRRR
that the children's dad can have a "wonderful evening" with them. I share your annoyance at that one...not that you begrudge your children's enjoyment but it is the "waltzing in" aspect, while you are stuck with the day to day rubbish.
As for there being a point well...you matter a great deal to everyone on here, you are the hub of the Scouting wheel over there, you are a kind neighbour, a great workmate and a good friend, and most of all you are adored by those four children. I know the eldest has his ups and downs but he loves you to bits.I do hope you are feeling a bit brighter today but lots of hugs anyway!