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Oh god, don't know why I've done this, well in a way I do. I've just called C's father. I think I needed to know if he was in England or Spain!! Anyhow, out of earshot, I rang, and he said he was walking somewhere in Spain, phew! I told him I wanted to speak to him, could he call me on home number, (which I gave him again), explained it was about C's birthday card, to which he replied, ' I told you I would always send something'. I then told him the last birthday card was age 6, he is now 9, and he said, 'fair point', b******. Said he would call tomorrow, as he is busy!!!! Then said could he speak to C. NO. He said he would call tomorrow to speak to me properly, then C. I really don't want this, as I've said, wanted to know where he was. Rang Sparkling for advice 
(she knew I'd knew that). Good advice but kept telling her is my situation different from hers. Her children knew their Dad, C never has. I haven't told C about my conversation with the pig, should I forewarn him or let the pig phone out of the blue??? I so want to tell C that I have made contact, as I don't want him to think the pig has called out of the 'goodness of his heart.
am laughing hysterically 
That's allright then.
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this is serious sparkling, bog off, hehe. I hope I'm making you laugh, today of all days. xxxx
By the way the Thai food was awful, ended up giving C new pots and salad. I'm munching through the pork (whatever the marinade was, gross)
At least you know not to try it again...
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Am sitting here mulling it over, and I REALLY REALLY don't want him to speak to C. How dare he, especially when it was me that initiated it in the first place. If i hadn't have called him, then he certainly wouldn't have bothered. The more I think about it, the more I think, C has never known him, then again, should I be the one to initiate it? That pig has done absolutely nothing through his whole nine years, what right has he now? NOTHING, i feel. Or is it me feeling that after everything I've done, will C suddenly turn his affections to this stranger, and this is what the pig is, a stranger. He doesn't have any rights does he? Not on birth certificate, no PR, he can't take him from me can he? I think I'm scared of how C will be, I don't want him being hurt over non phone calls etc. This is hard. I so want to warn C about the call (if there is one)
He can never take C from you. I truly don't think that C will be interested.
I really will be surprised if he phones...
He has no rights.
C however...
God hope you're right, how can we as parents actually know. C however does have the right I know, and yet, i don't want him to at such a yound age. I'm totally torn here, not knowing which is the right thing to do. I want to take it out of his hands, yet I know it's just a phone call, and deep down, I know it'll lead to nothing cos he wouldn't see him but......
T is a git. H won't phone...
And you can not answer the phone. You have to do what works for you.
I can more than understand your anger though.
Taken the bull by the horns. Couldn't spring it on C. Told him I'd spoken to T and why. Said he might ring tomorrow to speak to me first, and then c. Asked how he'd feel. Asked lots of questions, why? did he have too?. I said it was quite exciting (not), he said not exciting, and why after all these years? I just said forget the past and start again ( i so wanted to say, you're so right). Am dying inside, as C has taken himself to bedroom, so I'm not pressing him on it, shall let him talk to me if and when he wants. He knows now, so he can mull it over and shall leave it at that.
He just walked out and started a game of catchphrase. Maybe his way of pushing it aside, i shall see
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Wow hazeleyes you had a traumatic Saturday evening. I suppose the first thing that came into my mind was why did you bother to phone T in the first place? Was it because you were still anxious about bumping into him? I do honestly think the best thing is to let sleeping dogs lie, in his case, there always seems to be upset and anxiety associated with things to do with him.
I would be surprised if T phones, and if he does it will only be a one off. Hope C is Ok and hope YOU are ok too 
You could always say to C (if he phones) that it was just a making contact and T is still not ready to be a dad. What do you think? Glad sparkling lime was able to cheer you up and hope you feel better this morning.
Not much sleep for me. It's been going round and round all night. I did the right thing in ringing, as at least my mind is settled as to his whereabouts. The phone calls might last a while, but I'm convinced he won't be able to continue the contact, and even if he does, he's not over here. I don't even think I shall speak to him, just pass the phone to C maybe.
I am not surprised you did not sleep well, I would have been the same. At least you know where he is and I agree with you that the contact won't last
Could be that you're all right, and I'm wrong. No call as yet. He's hardly pushed himself has he!! As soon as C is in bed, I shall take phone off hook.
Well I don't know him, hazeleyes. I was just thinking that if he did, it would be a one-off. Taking the phone off the hook once C goes to bed is a good plan, you know the classic non-parent thing of phoning at silly o'clock? When I was married, before the children,my husband and I both worked in London and had to get up extremely early. His parents would ALWAYS phone at 10pm on Sundays when we were just going to bed ahead of a busy week.
Unplug it so it doesn't do that wah wah noise?
My Aunty always phones around 9.45pm! I make sure I phone her before I go to bed on a Sunday!
Hope you're ok.
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Both fine thankyou Sparkling. He's now qualified as a Git hehe. C is absolutely great, and did say that he probably wouldn't ring, but he isn't upset or anything which is the most important thing. He's been making jokes about T, and I haven't stopped him 
I did say to him that even if he rang, he still wasn't ready to be a Father, and again C said he already knew that, without me having to say it!! I'm just relieved that I know where he is, and not lurking around any corners!! xx
You needed to know...
No call, so am C is off to bed, later than usual, but.... Shall now take the phone off, though I'm sure there's no need to bother.
Oh hazeleyes...They really get under our skin don't they?
I don't think he will change and suddenly start being father of the year...and the way C is acting,he knows he's not a father that he should be...It's so hard when you feel you have to do the right thing for your kids, even though it tears you apart inside.
It would have been more surprising had he phoned...
But you know you won't bump into him in Asda.
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Hey Hazeleyes,
You did the right thing in preparing C for the phone call from The Pig.
And preparing him for it not to happen.
I've had a long estrangement from my father. Who never called on birthdays. never sent cards or presents. Living in another country does make it harder. My father is still in South Africa.
I remember my mum telling me he was going to call or come over or something but not to trust it etc... I never really remember being that caring towards him. Either way. She told me straight he was a useless gambling drunk. And I guess he's never outstepped that boundary.
So yeah he's not managed to disappoint me is what I'm trying to say. I think I was about 9 or 10 or so when we went to South Africa and I got to meet him for first time in memory. (we left there just before I was 2). I still have the teddy he got me... I played backgammon with him... he lost a tooth... vague random memories of someone who would have liked more involvement in my life but possibly not for my own benefit.
Recently I missed a call from an international number. Since I've been over 20 he's kind of maintained more contact with me - actually calling around b'day's in the last half a decade or so... maybe it's got more to do with his own age;)
But he prefers me to call him. cos he has no money. My mum told me today he called her this morn at something like 7am. to tell her how he's spending every weekend with a different women and what a shame it is she didn't find a man to fulfill her (not married. still). and that she is to call him when I am around etc yadda.
Men huh?
C doesn't give two hoots, I guess what you've never had etc. I did say to C that T has no idea whatsoever on what he is missing out on, and that in itself is sad for T. No mention of it this morning, and I doubt if he'll mention him at all now.
What I would love is for the pig to ring me when C isn't around, and for me to give him an ear full. The good thing (I guess) is that C will remember this, and will know I have tried, but not any more.
That would be Iceland. No Asda nearby, unlike you
We have Iceland too so double
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Hi hazeleyes
Oh my, I was surprised to read that you had phoned T. I understand that you needed to know where he was, but hopefully you won't be repeating that again in the near future.
C is probably trying to digest it all in his own way. Of course he is going to be slightly hurt that his dad hasn't tried to ring him, but he's not going to show you that.
I hope that you have found some peace and can let it go and get on with the rest of your life. Perhaps C will recieve a card next year, or you may get a phone call in 6 months time, who knows. All you both need to know is that you have each other and as has already been said - T is not ready to be a father right now.
Hi Anna. I honestly don't think that C is even giving it a second thought. He hasn't spoken about it at all.
Hi hazeleyes, it sounds as though your boy has his head screwed on! 
I do hope so Anna
remember I'm perfect...
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