kiera

my 2 sons bicker all time, today they av bin bad, they cant even b in the same room, im on my own and its hard, i av screamin toddler plus 2 sons at each others throatsm  15 and 11 half, im worn down by it all only just ad a minute, avnt stopped alday, i try run house, i tidy all time, clean up, doin washin, ive mowed all garden, inbetween seperatein 2 my sons, plus my little girl avin paddys, i cried so much again today, recently all ive dun is cry, everythin seems b getin on top of me, plus my uncle as died this week of bowlel cancer he was 58,so upsettin, i feel down actually

Posted on: April 28, 2013 - 2:44pm
hazeleyes
DoppleMe

Hi kiera. I'm so sorry about your Uncle. A dreadful disease, and such a young age to be taken. My Dad was also young, at 59 from this disease too. My thoughts are with you and your family.

As for the teenage boys, I don't have anything solution I'm afraid. What I would like to say though is, your cleaning etc can wait. Can you not clean one room a day, and then maybe the garden kept for a weekend? Do the boys help out in anyway? They are old enough to be doing chores around the house perhaps. Do they get pocket money? Someone told me the other day, instead of giving a set amount a week, give something for each chore. For instance, if they tidy their room, give a £1 (or what you can afford) help you tidy up, another sum of money maybe. I have found this method actually works for me, and they also learn from it.

I know you're busy with the little one, but do you spend time individually with the kids? Your daughter would get most of your time when they are at school, so you can do activities with her then, ie, painting, playdoh, colouring in etc. Can you think of anything to do with the boys? What are their interests?

Take time out for yourself. My motto is now, the cleaning can wait, as long as it looks tidy (ish) and the bathroom and kitchen are clean(ish) then everything else can wait, apart from the washing of courseCool

Posted on: April 28, 2013 - 3:15pm

She Ra
Online

You ok honey?

Yep I have given some jobs to them today ;) my son hovered my daughter peeled the potatoes and set the table.

Did u get out with the dog today x

Posted on: April 28, 2013 - 3:39pm

Louise
Parenting specialist DoppleMe

Oh kiera, you have a lot on your plate right now and of course you are still recovering from all that has happened. I am so sorry to hear about your uncle.

Teenage boys. yes, it is good to separate them but unless they are actually hurting each other sometimes it is best to stay out of it. Do they do any activities? I know one of your boys has some health problems but maybe the other boy doing things or them going to grandma's one at a time, even for an hour, will help. Leave as much in the house as you can for when they are at school so you don't get too stressed.....I know you have your little daughter then but she is just getting to the age when she will like copying you, has she got her own little sweeper or something?  I feel sure what is making this hard for you is that your daughter is hard work at the moment and if you can calm things down in that respect then you will feel more able to cope. The others have given you some really good ideas too, what do you think?

Sending you a big HUG today.

Posted on: April 28, 2013 - 4:34pm

Anna
Parenting specialist DoppleMe

How are you doing today kiera? You have been through so much the last couple of years and I am thinking that actually now external issues have kind of calmed down (ie your ex) now family issues are rising.

I am so sorry to hear about your uncle, was it your mum or your dads brother?

Posted on: April 29, 2013 - 10:32am

sparklinglime
DoppleMe

Loads of hugs Kiera.  I'm so sorry.

Posted on: April 29, 2013 - 4:06pm

Anna
Parenting specialist DoppleMe

Hi kiera, I just saw this www.channel4.com/calling-mums-and-dads and thought of you, what do you think?

You have sorted one area of your life out, how about some personalised support with home life??

Posted on: April 30, 2013 - 2:44pm

mihiima

Hi Kiera,I am sorry about your uncle, us amother of tenage boys I can understand you, i think its thae time they bhelp in the house. what it work for me is i took out thier play station

Posted on: June 4, 2013 - 11:08am

Anna
Parenting specialist DoppleMe

Hi mihiima, when did you start removing your boys play station? Do you use this strategy every time they fight, does it work? Do you find that you just need to threaten to remove it and they stop?

Posted on: June 4, 2013 - 5:00pm