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Here. I posted it as I can relate to the story from my own experience. Domestic violence against men is never taken seriously, rarely anyway. His last sentences sum up my own personal experience and in my case compounded by the fact that my X is younger than me.
Hmm, yes, and you don't think of it at the time. I only did something when my ex physically hit me. All the bullying and flying ashtrays and shouting... never thought of that as abuse till someone told me!
Yeah! all the emotional bullying, throwing things, smashing things... the constant awareness of what you do and say incase it "upsets" "them"
It's six years ago now but every now and then I remember things, go back there in my head and get a tense sick feeling in my stomach and a sort of tingling prickly feeling on the back of my neck and down along my arms to my fingers, my pulse raises, I become tense!... and that's the best way I can explain it.
And I still even now make excuses for her behaviour.
It was a horrible time on reflection and stories of violence make me sad.
Hi bubblegum, thanks for sharing that blog. I think it is always too easy to dismiss that men experience fear, 'the eggshell walk', uncertainity and unease, as society tells us regularly what 'men' should be like.
I am sorry to hear that you are getting flashbacks. Have you ever written them down? This can help as it gets it 'out there' rather than keeping it buried. When you get these memories, do you choose to follow it through, or does it come out of nowhere and you have no way of stopping it?
After you get one, it is good idea to wrap yourself in a cosy blanket or take a warm bath, just to reaffirm that you are here and it is right now, not the past.
You listened to all the excuses from your ex and you make them your own, because somehow it is easier to believe that than recognise, comprehend or believe the reality.
How much of this do your children remember? We often believe that our children aren't effected, they are too young, or they were in another room, however once we are free of the old life, we know that children feel vibes in the air and sense our emotions. Do you ever talk about it with them?
I've written it down from time to time.
I'm not really one for sitting quietly wrapped in a blanket, warm baths are nice though :)
I think about it from time to time just sometimes I get those feelings, usually when I read about other peoples experiences.
I dunno.
It doesn't bother me much, I think about it, it's in the past, it just is what it is and it's there, I don't really know, I'm used to it being part of my life. Don't mean that in any sort of dramatic way as it doesn't control me in anyway it's just a feeling and a memory.
Though I expect the whole experience has something to do with the fact I've not had a girlfriend since. :)
Don't really know how to explain.
I sometimes get angry with myself for letting it happen in the first place.
Blah!
Move on and concentrate on the now : )
Yes! The Power of Now!
I think even if you had had girlfriends, 5 more babies and moved half way across the world, these things never leave us. Its all about how we deal with it, it sounds as though you are in control of that though. 
You say you get angry with yourself for letting it happen in the first place. You didn't 'let ' it happen, what else could you have done? The only time, realistically, perhaps when we 'should' have left was at the first sign, however you chose to stick in there to help/support and love the woman.
AND you have two little delights to show for it!
People have said, do you wish you'd never met her, but that would be like wishing away my children... as you say, I have "two little delights" now : )
Thanx Anna : )
"Two little delights" , awww they sound like cupcakes!
I reckon when you're living it though, its not always easy to see it or to find a solution.
xxxxxxxxx
No, there are many reasons why it is so hard to leave an abusive relationship, and one of them is just not realising it is abusive in the first place....or blaming yourself if you do.
Or being told time and time again, that it isn't wrong or out of order, it's normal, everyone would behave that way!
I remember once cleaning the whole house, and when he came home he said 'you didn't even wash the windows'.... stuff like that....
My Aunt's first husband would come home from work, and each day would run his finger across tv, skirting board. Her house would be spotless, and her daughter has gone the complete opposite way.
Bubblegum, your stories make me feel so sad for you. I was abused physically, and I'm grateful that I didn't have children with him, as it took me long enough to leave him as it was, let alone with kids. I think you're amazing, your children are amazing, and you're all doing brilliantly.
thanx : )
Thanks, Bubblegum. I agree that male victims are often unacknowledged, although 10% of domestic violence victims are men...and that's 10% of reported cases, it could well be more in real terms.
So...the assumptions that are made are based on the relative size of the parties? That is ridiculous, and "assumes" that you, the man, will have sought to retaliate/control the situation using physical means. In other words, if a woman is violent then a man is, too. How ridiculous!
I would also like to mention that there are many forms of domestic abuse, not only physical violence and both sexes are equally capable of those, too.