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I'm moving back to the UK in a few weeks and trying to find somewhere to live (main difficulty). Have survived psychological abuse, been completely wiped out financially and have earnings that are so erratic I find it difficult to manage my money.
Tried to explain this to an estate agent this evening and found myself bursting into tears (again). They (and the landlord) need to know this, because when they do credit checks/ bank refs, they will find out anyway (and probably things I don't know about!!) I'd rather be upfront. I'm going to write an accompanying letter, to explain.
So, this is a request for help to reduce the risk of bursting into tears every time this question arises as it probably will for the next few months.
I can't believe I'm in this state financially and emotionally, but I am and would appreciate any advice on how to deal with it.
Thanks.
I start to cry when trying to explain some thing some times but time does heal the pain sort off. (not much use i know) I was crying every time i spoke to some one about the Ex and the children but now it is not so often
When i start i just walk out of the room and try and take deep breaths or just cry and cry and let it out in front of who ever is there at the time(i did this in court the other day)
Hi hun,
My heart goes out to you. I cry regularly and it's almost been 21 months since I left him. (have to have regualar contact with him as we have a daughter together so the situation is ongoing) I burst out crying when trying to explain to someone about my daughters behaviour that I think it's cus we've been through DV.
About your finances, you know you can do an online credit check on yourself. Try this link ... http://www.experian.co.uk/experianhome/?sc=410006 I know it would be stressful viewing it but better to be aware and be in control and able to start your new life off with knowledge. (knowledge is power) Take small steps to deal with your situation rather than being in the dark.
Before being in the abusive relationship I was in I was married to my sons dad, to cut a very long depressing story very short he wiped me clean out financially - I even had bankrupsy papers served on me. :( Through a solicitor I was able (when we were finally divorced) to have some kind of financial seperation on my credit report. I've tried to google it for you but can't seem to find much on it. Maybe a solicitor could offer you more advice.
As for crying I think what Littleredhen suggested is a really good idea xx Also give yourself a break hun, look how much you've been through. I know it's embarassing but it's ok to cry. {{{{{huge hugs}}}}}
Hi Jacs, sorry about your situation.
What tends to work for me is before I know I am going to talk about something that is likely to maken me cry (damn near everything at the moment) I sit in my bedroom and think about it till I cry and then I force out as many tears as I can muster to the point where all my tears dry up. Then i go talk to whoever I need to and the tears dont come but occassionally my bottom lip gets wobbly but I am just usually too exhausted to show any emotion.
Thank you for your replies, he's so ridiculous anyway I don't need to imagine him in fancy dress! Still kicking myself for not seeing the warning signs that were there so long ago!! Surviving Mommy - have you used the Experian service? I had a look and to sign up you need to register a credit card - I wonder how easy it is to stop any potential payments? I'm with you on the idea that knowledge is power! 
This evening, I didn't know I was going to end up having to explain why the credit refs could cause problems, maybe I just need to set some time each day to 'get it out of my system'.
Just realised that before I met *!!klkjhdfkju**!! I had the usual end of the month struggles, but still got a mortgage, so can't have been too bad - just all went downhill from there!
Hey ho! Better concentrate on the packing over the weekend!
all you do is register using Direct debit then cancel it a day or so later dead easy no need to worry over payments just cancel the order
also check out money saving expert .com
yes hun I registered and then cancelled it as soon as I was able to - before they took the money from my bank. xxx
Thanks both - I'll give it a go. Pash - already subscribe to MSE - intend to make a lot of use of it soon :-)
Got half way through registering (card details, ters n conditions) then couldn't go any further cos address isn't UK - will phone on Monday and see if I can sort it out!
Thanks again x
dont forget to use say no to 0870 .com to convert to 01 number or e mail them
Hello Jacs,
Loads of great ideas here and I will throw my two penn'orth in. Obviously things can continue to take us by surprise for quite a long time but when we know we are going to have to encounter a situation then we can prepare. What I do is to write down the information I want to get across and the first thing I write is "I feel too emotional to say all this, which is why I have written it down" Then of course be brief in the points you list.
I have used this at the bank, at the doctor's and other situations..all you do is hand the card to the other person 
Good luck with the moving, Jacs, keep in touch
Louise you are a star i wish i thought of that!
It is certainly something i will be using in the future.
Thanks
I have to say that even after 8 years I know I'd have to write things down. Stuff that went on last year, I still cry when someone asks about it - so I do have to write notes.
I hope things work out well for you Jacs and that you are soon settled.
Thanks again everyone, when I'mback in the UK, I'll use the 'writing things down' tactic.
Look forward to hearing from you Jacs, take care
Hi All - sorry really busy packing!! Got in touch with Experian and have to write to them giving details - cost £2 - not done it yet cos I've lost the piece of paper I wrote all the info on!! :-D Thanks!!
Agghh, how frustrating! I hope you find it Jacs!
Good luck with the packing
welcome Jacs - it is really hard and 8 months down the line I still find myself doing this occasionally
could you write out some brief facts and read them over a few times so you become less emotionally attached to the story - perhaps when you write your story you could pull it back so you have got the barest facts
could you imagine your ex dressed up in something really ridiculous like a stupid fancy dress costume as you are telling your story