I,m Sam and I ive on my own with my two children. One 12 and one 18.
We have had had a lot of probems with the teenager with getting into trouble, court, dropping out of school etc.
The 12 year od girl has problems with checking doors are locked before bed, not wanting to sleep in her own room so often sleeps with me and just recently wants the TV on when she goes to sleep.
I am worried she is deveoping a form of OCD and wonder if anyone had any advice
Hi again sam1jennings. I'm sure you've probably researched OCD, but here's something you could look through. here
Hello sam1jennings
Welcome! hazeleyes has given you some great information and a helpful link. I agree that the GP is probably the first port of call. It may be that your 12 year old is very anxious, and that the trouble with your older child has affected her.
What is going on with your eldest now? At 18, they are out of the "child" bracket now and I was wondering whether you had any support services in place now, such as your local Youth Offending Team?
Is there any contact with the other parent and what support do you have for yourself?
Hi Sam
I am sorry you're having a difficult time with things.
Hi Sam,
I was going to suggest same as Lousie - Your daughter's behaviour all seems to stem around security issues. Not necessarily OCD from what I know of it.
Your eldest is causing a lot of distress, which won't be helping any of you.
I've just noticed you haven't been back on this thread for a week. I hope you are still about and haven't forgotten onespace! :)
I can't imagine anything harder than having two teenagers as a single parent. (sh*t that's me in 12 years or so)
I think if I were you, I would be contacting my parent support worker. They ran a Positive Parenting course which I attended which is almost like having supernanny come and give you some tailored advice whilst also meeting others going through a hard time. My biggest critisicm of that course was that it was run during the day. There doesn't seem to be any good help available to those that have a full time job. It really infuriates me. My mum worked full time and brought me up alone. I've seen how much of a benefit that kind of thing would be to somebody struggling to do their best.
The GP is a good place to start but I've found it's difficult to get them to not just say it's normal and it'll pass unless you actually break down or know what to ask for in the beginning which almost defeats the whole point of going to them.
Do you have a good routine at home? All I can think is that to make your youngest feel secure is to provide things in an expected way. Promise things you can do and keep to them. Also maybe providing responsibility - cooking one meal a week, turns in putting the bins out etc. I've just had another thought - have you considered bullying maybe a problem?
I wouldn't worry too much about the tv thing... In my teen years I drove my mother near crazy listening to it till I got to sleep - again I couldn't without music on. it was really low but she could still hear it.
But in hindsight I wish I'd done more extra-curricular stuff. Been made to keep my room tidy and help with chores. Earned my pocket money instead of it being given to me. A self-defence class in evenings to physically tire myself out so much that when my head hit the pillow, that's exactly what it did. Swimming more, I looked into swimming lessons, and they're not just about teaching you how to swim, but how to swim better. Going for a walk a bike ride ...
And all this was unthinkable when my mum got home sometimes past 7pm and was so tired she'd fall asleep by 10. She's recently been diagnosed with narcolepsy.
Anyway. I know there is some great advice I've written, but I know I probly won't be following it, time, money, energy constraints.
Your son's over 18...one last thought... in my daydream world where I'm Ms Perfect, I'd be expecting them to get a saturday job and pay 1/3rd earnings to me for rent and keep etc.
Hope to hear from you soon!
Hi there sam1jennings, welcome to One Space
It sounds as though you are going through a tough time at the moment. May I recommend you visit Young Minds, it is the UK's leading charity commited to improving the emotional wellbeing and mental health of children and young people and empowering their parents and carers.
The YoungMinds Parents Helpline can help you with a variety of concerns about young people up to the age of 25 yrs - 0808 802 5544 - free from landlines.
How are you coping yourself at the moment?
hi r their any mums here from st albans ? x
Hi Joanne, welcome along to One Space. I see you've been putting the same message on most of the threads. Have you tried netmums for your area?
Hi sam1jennings. Welcome along to One Space. It does sound like a form of OCD doesn't it? A few younger members in my family had it when they were children, fortunately they no longer do. Two of the boys used to wash their hands continuously, one of them used to check doors too, like your daughter. Another one, before stepping through a doorway, would do some sort of hand movement as if measuring it?. The latter one had councelling, and was put on medication, which seemed to help a great deal.
Have you spoken to your GP about your daughter? Maybe councelling would also help her. It's always best not to keep commenting on what she does too. As for the sleeping with you, I'm not sure on this one. I guess if you've recently split with her Dad, then it could be a comfort thing.
How are you dealing with the 18 year old?