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Still here still fighting this battle, not sure i feel like She-Ra today though,living in refuge with my children and trying to stay strong for them and defend their farthers application for residency its so hard, I'm up and down but still so scared of him x name changed for this
Great to see you, She Ra, sending you a hug 
Hi all ;)
not sure how long we will be here at all really but I don't mind were safe and happy and I like the refuge staff being there when you need them.i love the distance from him too it's refreshing and calming.
i couldn't ask for more we have it all here feeling lucky x
Thanks for the hug Louise sand to you all for your ongoing support
he ant going to break me never x
NO way, She Ra
Hi, so glad to hear from you, you are so very brave to have taken all these steps, i am so glad you are safe and that you have good support for you and your children,
big hug as you have done something amazing! xxx
It must be very frightening for you to have to fight for full custody. Get as much support as possible and keep everyone updated like Social Services, so they will back you up in Court...
IrIrt was seconds hardest thing iv had to do, leaving him was first x thanks Skyflower xx
There are no words for what you had to go through you have amazing strength, do keep us informed how it goes in Court as we are all here for you and as you know the specialists on here can help you xx
Hey there She Ra, glad to hear that you are safe and back on here 
Hey She Ra, how are things coming along, any updates?
Hello it's that 'cosy' here as in support/ safety i will be scared to leave its hard at times like the freedom p today but I know its helping me get steps closer to being free, will be re housed and back on my own and not sure want that yet, staff don't know it all scared to say - but after calming down now from freedom today I want to reach out to them I think - sexual controller today and maybe I will get relief by talking feel a sense of calm now.
kids are doing amazing I'm so proud of them new schools new friends and my littlie is a star his development has amazed me hes a little solder x
Made a friend here to and all of us get on and watch out for each other help with kids we cook together have takeaways and went shopping together downside is I take on their 'situations' its hard to distance yourself from it stressful as hell at times.
we are a million miles away from when i wrote on here before I rally feel like iv climbed a mountain by being here already amazing really got goose bumps thinking where I was before I carnt describe it just as I was so trodden down I couldn't get up x
So glad your kids do so amazingly well and that you found a friend even though at times also a burden. It is scary to get back living by yourself again as it means being fully responsible for everything and not being able to lean on anybody but it also means getting your independence back and they obviously believe you are strong enough
wow you are amazing ! Xx
I know you were in an awful position and in just 8 weeks you've just done all this !
What do you mean by sexual controller today ? ooo, you did the part of the sexual controller on the freedom course, well done !
I agree with skyflower, your are amazing, what a journey! So glad the children are doing fab, i can understand how scary the thought of leaving is, but you will do great, just remember how scary the thought of leaving it all behind a few weeks back was and how well that has all worked out now.
I'm sure that if you tell the people there all what happened they will be very supportive, it is all part of the healing process, opening up to others, but if you cant, i would not worry about it, it took me a long time to be able to say anything, the words would literally stick in my throat.
The sexual controller is one of the persona's of the dominator in the Freedom Programme skyflower, i think that was the session She Ra was referring to.
Don't forget She Ra, we will always be here to support you every step of the way.
I think that if you can dig deep and open up to the people working with you, then they can give you useful tips and tools to support you through the next phase of your freedom. I wonder if in the past you have hidden things so well that people have thought that you and the children were doing fine, when actually weren't.
One of my favourite quotes that you could think of when you feel scared of talking to the staff about how you feel is:
Feel the fear and DO IT anyway!
Only goodness can come out of it She Ra.
Hi She-Ra
It is so fab to see you.
I know what you mean about it being hard to open up, some things feel too "big" to say, but hey this is the best opportunity you have ever, ever had to get it all said and dealt with and to start to make plans for moving forward, so do take this chance. It's great to hear how well the children are doing, you must feel so proud.
Pleased to read the above, I woke up today and put pen to paper wrote about things from the freedom session that I have struggled to talk about, last week I sat with staff strying to say it, I wanted to talk but it was stuck in my throat so I did get it out today I gave it to a member if staff this morning i asked her it if she wanted to read it she could but I wanted it 'out' she said shed read over it shes not said anything about it since and then I felt awkwaed after.
i so need their help and love it the staff are all really amazing and not sure how I'd get through without them they really do 'get it' I finally feel normal if that's possible and it S
trusting is hard iim still hiding his threats but theres little point reporting ends I have no faith at all cos there ant non its s**t they are trying to say the police here are different but I know there not its joke
That is such a big step forward, She Ra, you can be really so proud of yourself, you have gone through hell and look at you now....
you have written it honestly and truthfully, she might just need to think it over before responding to it, She Ra , you have done well. Xx
Thanks honey ;)
mi felt awkward cos I made myself vulnerable in putting it as it was / as it happend maybe it wasn't a good idea
I'm sure it is as skyflower has suggested She Ra the lady probably just needs to think over what she is going to say or could be looking for what support there is nearby.
I understand that it has made you feel vulnerable, but you have done the right thing in getting it out, i'm so proud of you for getting the courage together to do it.
You could approach her if you can't stand waiting for her to come to you? Just ask if she has had a chance to read your letter!
im waiting for her to come back from training so I'm sure we will talk I'm ready now and its strange as I'm opening up but could be out here soon, I feel not ready to leave - they are very short staffed, wish I had time to work through my s**t, next feeedom is king of the castle week 9, I need my own support worker ,staff are great and always there 9-5 just mixed up as different people.
Made a friend and she leaves tommoshe see have kept each other 'up' in here but will prolly 'live' at her's from now ;) x
wish I could go in office an actaly Blab it all out need to its stuck in my throat I tried but it was stuck its working its way up though I will be proud if I do manage to say it all.
Yes, it will be fantastic if you can finally speak it all out. I have a different view of why the lady has not spoken to you about what you wrote...the very fact that you wrote it rather than spoke it has showed her that you are finding it difficult to talk about so she is leaving it at your pace. How about saying to her "did you read what I wrote?" and "I would like some help to speak it out loud please"?
From what you wrote, it sounded as if you were still receiving threats from your ex, is that the case, or do you mean that the staff are encouraging you to report previous things that have happened, to their local police so that action can now be taken?
Lovely to hear that you have made a good friend!
Thanks for your view oN it I think your right im getting there I spoke to staff about things today not what I rote but last things and she said shes happy I been honest with her and I felt relieved, shes going to do some things Monday to help x
Great stuff, let us know how it goes. Opening up is a difficult process and you are doing so well.
So glad how things are going for you right now
Was the lady able to get anything done for you today She Ra?
yeah she was sally I'm gaing strength courage distance from him and Im surprised at myself that I'm worries scared of his reaction I'm a bit more angry at him iv not acted on this but I'm changing for better.
i don't care if I stay here forever right now yeah it's not perfect but its great I luv my safe hut here, iv f**ked up made mistakes still being so far from him iv founds a way to get back but I'm go its with staff as if I lie they carnt help me.
the lady my mate moved out today shes great has kept me so happy and we have laughed so much but nowa my time to focus on me and my kids 100%
That sounds great She Ra, sounds like your gaining in confidence and strength, i'm glad that you are trusting them to help you, that is such a big step!
Yes do spend this time focusing on you and your children
Hi She Ra, I have been away for a bit, but just reading your post put a smile on my face. Well done you for getting some of your feelings out in the open, that really takes courage.
You mention that you are still getting threats, I think it is really important that you share these with staff, even if little can be done about it, but it can still eat away at you. Abuse and violence thrives on silence. Shout about it, even if it is difficult, you shouldn't be receiving threats and its not fair, so please don't keep it hidden.
You are doing a great job, keep it up
Hello
its all coming together ;) we have left the refuge now and are just settling into our new home, children are so happy its great x
we are a long way from him so this should be the end of it with him being near me, I never moved far enough away before but wasn't strong enough too.
got court next month but he carnt keep applying to court forever.
So so so very great everything is well with you and that you have a new home where you will be safe, how wonderful is that !! Will keep my fingers crossed for you next month as that is such a difficult thing to do x
Thanks, its not going to great now I have to attend court next week as iv not done as the court order says and filed my statement by the date I was ment to, guess I'm ment to be supper women and care for my kids, move out of refuge, empty my old house, sort out benefits, shop for carpets, travell back to my solicitor, deal with my sons fits, travel 30 mins to hospital, fix my car, keep important friendships going, keep contact with my am sent kids, take them to contact, bla bla so now my days off from the kids has to be broken by travelling 150 miles away for a 45 min hearing.no ongoing support from refuge with and I really wanted that.
Hi She Ra, great to see you as always
Your first post sounded so positive, remember this is still reality too, but it sounds as though today has thrown you a curve ball.
I am really suprised that the refuge has not offered you a Resettlement Programme? Or have you already had it? You do have an awful lot on and you do need some ongoing support, so may I recommend you contact the support organisation that runs the refuge, bite the bullet and tell them you are finding it difficult to cope with the run up to court. They are there to help you and will want to help you She Ra, but you do have to keep asking. Please will you give them a call?
I asked for support after I leave but they don't offer it as its down to funding, its not run by wa its funded by someone else.they have set me up in new house but that's it.
just had a SW at door too issues with nursery then after she came back again grrrr not happy, why they all agenst me ;( cryed at nursery today they are blowing it all out of proportion cos its me.
feel frustrated now, I'm on my own and its too soon.
She Ra, please keep pushing for support, you have come so far and you really deserve and need further back up.
Contact the refuge people again, ask them what you should do or perhaps ring the Domestic Violence helpline on 0808 200 247 to see if they can signpost you to somewhere else local.
You and your children have been through extreme trauma and need ongoing advice, information and support.
What happened at the nursery?
How horrible She Ra, I will keep my fingers crossed for you and hope it will go alright for you in court....can't believe the pressure you are under at the moment, so sorry you have missed the deadline
Will SW be also in Court ?
I will do Anna
i was doing great in there with support and now I feel there's little point fighting I'm worn down, I have so much to do I don't know where to turn next feeling really tearfull, its contact today, the refuge manage argued my case at the Marrac that I shouldn't do contact runs although its changed I still have to.
hi Skyflower I'm not sure if the SW will be there or not but expect she will be, there all over me like a bad rash ;(
Yes, SheRa, if the refuge people can't offer ongoing support then you can find it elsewhere, whether from Women's Aid or a local Women's Centre.
Remember, if you were running a marathon then this would be the last three miles...you would have twenty three miles behind you now, and accomplished.
You have a lot on your plate. Make a list for each day, and concentrate on the most important things. It's easy to get distracted with the smaller things. One thing I say to my clients when they are feeling overwhelmed and anxious is rather than thinking "oh no, I have this, this, this and this to do", is to name the ONE next thing to do, out loud if it helps. So yours might be "Now I must phone for local support" and put your energy into that. However, as you have found out,anything to do with court MUST be adhered to.
We are here for you, SheRa and we are so proud of you.
Ok so I'm breaking it down day by day it is less overwhelming, I'm really happy to be here in this area and feel safer,
Good morning She Ra, brilliant to read that you are able to take on what Louise said that you are finding things less overwhelming by breaking things down day by day.
How did the contact visit go?
Contact went fine they are there for the week, I can get Some things done in the house while they are gone, got court in morning great....
I need some supporthey end though its tough on my own x
Hey She Ra, good to hear from you, i was glad to hear that quite a few positive things have been happening since you were last on but also sorry to find that everthing has been overwhelming coming all at once like that.
Glad the contact went well, still think it is ridiculous that they make you take them to contact after all that has gone on. What is the court meeting about that you have to attend tomorrow? won't the social worker be there?
Big Hug for tomorrow, we are all here supporting you to get through this.
So glad contact went fine I will keep fingers crossed for you and everyone on here will supprt you xx
Good afternoon She Ra, I have only just come onto the forums, I didn't realise Court was today. How did it go? Were there any outcomes? Was your ex there? If so where were the children.
I am glad that you have the week to yourself, I hope that you are able to relax a bit and put yourself first for a change. Do you feel anxious when they are away or are you able to take a breather from being a parent?
Don't forget you can ring DV Helpline 24 hours, if you need someone to talk to on 0808 2000 247.
Now today is over, what is your plan for the week?
Court was a directions hearing wasn't great, the children were with him he left hum with the witch if the west I guess.
im finding things hard I'm doing things day by day as Louise said it helps, I have to much to do each day, courts coming up SW just been round I don't feel like my life's my own or my kids don't belong to me know more their kids of the state I don't get why their still on protection plans had meeting last week SW said nothing's changed I don't get that ;(
they can turn up do what they want with my kids its stressfull
If I had the support behind me to report stuff nbut I just don't its all a mess
I am so sorry to hear that She Ra, you have been fighting so long and as they know how he is, they should not have put you in this position at all where you have to arrange visits....what kind of protection plans are they She Ra ? Can you explain it to me ? is there anything we can do for you ?
Have you contacted Womens Aid and the DV helpline ? Is it still possible to get support from the refuge centre if you can't manage ?
You do need to be on time with Court, I know that it is usual,even when deadlines are not met, to have to go every 6 weeks like. It is so very stressful and of course you see him there as well....what is happening that you cannot report ? Can you not report it to the police, SW or Womens Aid ? Write everything down that happens She Ra, have you got a solicitor still ? x
Hay honey their on a child protection plan, theirs a plan of steps I have follow.
I'm stuck as to get support as tthe area I'm in there's not much here I don't know really where to ask
My solicitors being fab dab Dozzie shes bum ATM carnt fault her
mill never go police again no way, hate them, they make him worse they nervier help me its all guns blazing then I'm left to deal with him after and I get it.
sw said I hope I can tell her er hm I'm not sure i trust her yet ;(
She Ra! Love your name :)
It can be a strange life living in a refuge, do you know how long it will be before you are housed?