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Hi everyone
I posted on here last year regarding my volatile DIL and you were very helpful. I have tried to find the post from Feb/March last year but have not had any luck. You also told me that you were not able to support me as I am not in the single parent category so I hope you don't mind me posting on here.
My son has now found himself as a single dad, I have been trying to encourage him to join this forum, hopefully he will very soon. Since last year and after much violence, (DIL being the perpetrator), police being called, social services being involved etc. the list goes on, my son has now left his wife. I was, last year banned from seeing my 2 little grandsons due to a misunderstanding, thankfully I do manage to see them regularly now as my son brings them to visit me regularly. ALso, my son and my daughter did not speak to each other for 3 years due to DIL, I am happy to say that they have rekindled their relationship and my daughter is a great support to my son. So that is 2 positive things.
My main reason for this post is that my son has now found himself as a single dad. He has been living with me on and off for nearly a year now but is moving into his own flat on the 1st March, he is 36 years old and needs his space. He cannot afford to divorce DIL as will not get legal aid. He has been paying her well over the odds in maintenance for months but has now contacted the CSA as he will not be able to afford so much now he is moving into a flat. CSA have given him a reduced figure to what he has been paying, he just cannot afford anymore. This has sent DIL into a rage (she has a vile temper), she says she cannot afford to send the little boys to nursery full time now and threatened that she will bring them into my son's work for him to look after!! (She receives help from the government for the nursery fees). We didn't think she would carry out this threat but she did, on Tuesday morning, taking them into my son's office early in the morning and leaving them there and to top it all refused to leave the child car seats. The poor little boys were upset and did not know what was going on, they were crying their eyes out thinking that they were going to spend the day with their daddy. the fees have been paid until the end of the month anyway so there was no need. it was just spite that drove her to do this, luckily a colleague of my sons had children's car seats to lend him so he was able to take them to nursery.
Social Services were heavily involved last year due to the violence of the DIL. My son contacted them on Tuesday after the incident but they do not want to know even though they have a long record of DIL's antics. I am also angry that nothing can be done, I want to contact SS myself but my son won't let me, should I go behind his back? My poor son has tried his best to keep things ticking over but he cannot afford to pay her anymore. DIL is not interested in the 2 little boys, she never plays with them or takes them anywhere. The children are already on the protection register. The whole scenario is a tangled mess and I want to help but just do not know what to do anymore. My son cannot even afford to pay me any money to live with me so I am struggling to keep him and myself on a small pension, I put all this down to the wicked and evil DIL. Sorry but I am so angry and want to move on from all this but it is impossible. I do hope that I can persuade my son to join this forum as I think it will help him to know there are other dads out there who are in a similar situation.
Thank you for taking the time to read this.
Thank you Louise
My son does have a meeting at the end of this month with SS and he wants the boys to be kept on the child protection register. I am so tempted to contact SS myself about what happened, I am just worried it will come back on me, he was annoyed when I threatened to do it myself, but I feel for those 2 innocent little boys and cannot bear to think of them being so upset.
Well, I guess only you can decide how your son would react to you speaking with Social Services but you seem to have two options here: to leave it to him or to choose to take action yourself. Maybe your daughter could have a word with her brother and get his permission?
Hello VeryUpset, I remember you. Yes we do give support to single parents and so it is you son's situation that we can concentrate on although you must be feeling so frustrated and not knowing what to do for the best.
You say that the children are on the protection register. In that case, there will be a Family Support worker involved. There will also be regular meetings to which your son will be invited. He needs to contact that Family Support Worker and if he will not, you could choose to do this yourself; after all he tried to report this so you are not doing anything he did not want to do. In any dealing with the worker, it is better to focus just on the children, ie saying about the trouble between the two of them will not be of interest whereas saying how upset the boys were by just being dumped, should be of interest. Keep your focus on "I am sorried about my grandsons", which you are.
He only needs to pay the prescribed amount. He can get support from one of the dads sites such as here (click) Your own finances will ease once you are not paying for him and I am glad you are seeing the little boys and that your daughter is involved again.