sorting out residency when one parent is hostile

Hi. Found this site by accident a few nights and it's already helped me so much!

I was just wondering what other people's experience of sorting out residency have been like, and if anyone has had similar experiences to me.

I left my husband of back in May, following years  of domestic abuse; he had been physically violent in the past when our two children (now aged nine and ten) where very young, but not recently. In the last few years it was more emotional, verbal, and financial abuse, and he is very very controlling and manipulative. Final straw was our youngest child, aged nine, telling me they were scared of their dad's temper and that he hit them when I was out at work.

Without going into too much detail; the children and I are living in a rented house in the same town as my husband.

We are trying to sort out residency. CAFCASS have not done a full report ie. have only briefly phoned myself and my husband and in their opinion the abuse  is historical and we should try to mediate a solution re residency. They  think both children are old enough to tell me or a teacher if they have further concerns.

I very reluctantly offered husband a draft residency agreement of one overnight mid week, plus on alternate weekends, the children would reside with him from after school on Friday to 4pm on Sunday.He turned that down. This is also what the children said they wanted. 

He is now asking for joint residency, eg. each parent has them alternate weeks, Monday to Monday, with the Wednesday night being spent with the other parent each week. He suggested this at the last court date, I said no, but the children have been with him (and his parents )all week and on the phone last night my eldest sounded very stressed and blurted out that they had had a 'new idea' about how things would work and that they had agreed with dad that they were going to take it week about in each parents house.

I know that works for some people; if anyone here is doing that, I'd be really keen to hear what makes it work. i am worried that it maybe only works when parents have good communication and we really don't; my husband is still clearly v angry, and although he does not show this in any obvious ways, eg never emails or speaks to me, he is showing this subtly; telling other people I'm an unfit mother, suggesting I left for another man, being hostile when collecting /dropping off children etc.   I am worried that he is trying his best to subtley manipulate the children and telling them the above too. He is also very involved in organising a local voluntary sports team, the children are also involved, he coaches them at this, and  I am anticipating that  he will expect me to bring the children across town to this on the week they are supposed to be with me (their training night is the night i offered him an overnight, and I'd also stated I'd bring them to any extra fixtures). He is also in leadership in a local church; again, i am anticipating he will put pressure on me to bring them there every Sunday. 

Sorry this is soo long, I'm just so tired with everything, I thought the hardest decision was going to be leaving him, and sometimes I just feeling like giving in and doing what he says just to make it all stop... I have emailed the legal expert here, hoping they can help.