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Hi,
I'm 26 and have recently become a single parent, my son is 15 weeks old and his father made it clear from me telling him about the pregnancy that he did not want to be involved. After much pressure from him to have an abortion, I did not hear anything from him for months.
I recently sent him an email, giving him an update of how his son was doing. I was not sure he would even receive it as, I assumed he had blocked my email address. However he did respond and said he had no idea what I was talking about and if I was looking for a father for my son I should take an ad out in the paper!
Our relationship had been a short one, so I never got to know any of his family, nor do I think they knew about me.
In addition he is no longer in the country so there is little I can do to get hold of him
To get to my point (finally) I do have a telephone number for his sister, it pains me that the other side of my sons family know nothing about him. I want them to know and I'm prepared to accept they may not want anything to do with him,but I feel they should know.
However I am scared of their response I suppose, I've had such negativity from his dad, what if they're not very receptive?
Sorry its so lengthy!
Hi Louise,
Thanks, they do not live in the country either as he was studying in the uk for a few years. So really there wouldn't be much contact. I just want them to know about him, my ex already has a daughter who he adores and it hurts that simply because he did not want a child with me he rejects our son. He was having a difficult time with his ex wife at the time I guess he doesn't want them to know he started a new relationship.
I guess i feel so rejected, I don't want it be further compounded by their response. I do want to do what is best for my son though.
Hi Marie_21. Welcome along. I just wanted to tell you about my experience. The father to my son didn't want to know from the word go. He lived with his mother at the time (spitting distance from where I live). His mother actually said that it wasn't his, and that I'd been sleeping around (don't remember seeing her in my bedroom at any point, hehe). Anyhow, years later, when my son was four, I spoke to his 'paternal grandfather'. I was trying to track down my son's 'father'. He'd moved abroad! This man seemed delighted to know he had a Grandchild, and because of this I asked if he would like to meet up somewhere like a park etc. With that, he told me he didn't want to get involved, so I promptly put the phone down.
What I'd like to say is, if you feel you would like your baby's family to have contact, and have a chance to be in his life, then go ahead, but just be prepared for disappointment, should it happen. x
Hello Marie_21.....how horrible of the father but I guess you can't force him to care and he has made his feelings clear yet again so there's no point contacting him again as each time your just going to be disappointed and cause you hurt and anger....you might aswell contact the sister as you have nothing to lose. You never know they might be happy and want involvement in your sons life but remember this may not be the case and they could dismiss you and your son, if that happens there is always DNA testing or just leaving it all together and not contact again. As Louise said your son is so young and won't know any different- he can't miss what he never had! if all goes belly up it's only them missing out on your sons life
Hello Marie_21, welcome to One Space and congrats on your new baby!
I guess you have nothing to lose by contacting his family. Be prepared in case they are also negative though. I expect his parents would want to know they have a grandson. Do they live in this country? I suppose the one worry is that if he is denying his paternity then they might believe him. If you do all this while your son is still tiny then he won't know anything about it if they reject him, and at least then your conscience will be clear and you can move forward.
Just a word of caution: you don't know these people so I would be inclined to give them just a mobile number, and not your address and if they want to see the baby you can meet in a cafe etc while you are getting to know how you will both be received.
What do you think?