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Hi all, sorry I am a first time poster..and this will be lengthy.
I have 11 year old twins and had a horrendous time with their dad - who was physically and emotionally abusive. We then went through a long court battle - with him wanting custody -although the outcome ended up being a no contact.
18 months ago, I got with a guy who I have known for years. I was worried how the twins would be as they have been on their own with me for such a long time...so they didnt have any involvement with him at first, but when they did meet him they loved him and accepted him into our family.
We dont live together but see each other a lot, and he has taken my kids on and treats them well. In fact, his own family have...I couldn't have asked for better people in the twins lives.
A couple of weeks ago...I had the shock of my life...when I found out I was pregnant. I have been on cerazette and not had proper periods for 2 years. I sometimes lose watery blood. My doctor told me this was normal. I went for a smear test and before, during some routine questioning, the nurse felt concerned about my lack of periods...prodded me around and said my uterus was enlarged. She made me do a pregnancy test, although I was adamant it would be negative - but it wasn't. It was positive. I didn't ask any questions and walked out in a real muddle. I rang my partner who said he would support my decision, whatever I did.
A week later I had to go to the early pregnancy unit for a scan. Beforehand, the nurse said she thought I wouldn't be that far along as I have had no symptoms of pregnancy and that I probably wouldn't see anything. I did lose some blood in January and February - so assumed the pregnancy would be really early.
I was completely wrong - I am actually 15 weeks pregnant. Again, this was more shock...I didn't even get a scan photo as I felt so distressed.
I spoke to my partner after (he hadn't come with me) and he said we had no room for a baby and it would be disastrous. I know where he is coming from...but I cannot get rid of such a well formed human being -,I think its worse because I have seen it. I told him that and then we spent several days pretending it wasn't happening and not discussing it.
Then last night, my partner had a meltdown and told me this has ruined his life...he doesn't want to work till he's 80 (he's 42 now) and that he doesn't wasn't to be in his 50s with a teenage kid.
I told him to go as I didn't know what to say and our relationship won't work out if he's that resentful.
He wouldn't go and then ended up talking to me like normal and not mentioning what had just happened.
I am really shocked at his behaviour as he has been so supportive of me during our relationship...my ex has left quite a lot of emotional damage and he has been really patient - plus great with my kids. He also has an 18 year old daughter who he is a great dad to.
I really can't see our relationship working now...and think I am going to end up being pregnant and alone.
This has been a massive shock to me and I haven't even really processed my own feelings...I could really do without this.
Thanks for listening.
Thanks for your reply - I think you are right.
I have told my best friend now, who basically thought the same as you.
Last night, he stayed with me but we didn't really talk about things. I am finding that difficult - we manage to talk about everything else, but not the pregnancy - and our relationship feels different. It's really made me feel less close to him. After my ex, I never thought I could trust a man, let alone get emotionally close to one. And this has created a huge dent for me. Perhaps I expect too much from him - but he hasn't actually asked me how I feel about this once.
In fact, he hasn't even asked me when the due date actually is - or what the scan was like.
I feel really low about it all, and dont know what to say or do for the best.
It sounds like he needs more time to get his head around this, i do understand though that you need reasurrance from him that all is going to be o.k.
You could message our Relationship expert she maybe able to suggest some ideas.
Thanks so much Sally, I will send her a message.
Hi Katie34
My very best wishes to you.
I can understand the shock you're feeling...
Have you experienced anything similar Sparklinglime ?
I am feeling so stupid at the moment...cannot understand how I could be pregnant for over 3 months and not know. It keeps running through my mind.
I'm still shocked at my partners reaction too. He's always so good and understanding that its been a real blow !
I've got that feeling where you dont feel like you know anyone or anything anymore :-(
Hi katie34, firstly congratulations, although you are in a difficult place right now, you are bringing a new member to your family and that must be celebrated rather than shrouded in anxiety and uncertainty.
Secondly remember your hormones will be doing all sorts of things at the moment, so you may feel confused and at a loss at times, although your partner is behaving oddly, everything else is the same.
Your partner says that a baby would ruin his life, what does he expect you to do with it?
How did your friend react? Was she happy for you? What about your family?
I was shocked and then delighted, but sadly for me it wasn't to be. My then partner was furious, shocked and really angry with me. Yet devastated when it wasn't to be...
I find that there is time to get over the shock and adjust to the situation. I can only imagine that those in your life will be supportive and be there for you while you recover from the shock.
I'm sorry that your partner has reacted so badly. And I hope he will get over this and apologise.
Sending loads of hugs your way.
Congratulations. :-)
Thanks Sparklinglime and sorry to hear that it wasn't to be. I've not told anyone close apart from two best friends now about the pregnancy - usually I could turn to my mum, but my Grandad has been unwell so I didn't want to cause more upset. Also, my mum would probably be quite excitable about it and I dont want to tell her my partners reaction until I know if its just shock that's made him like that or if that's his real feeling.
Thanks Anna - my friends (I've told another close one now too) have been really supportive. One was over the moon and has offered to come to any further scans and appointments if my boyfriend isn't around. The other one had a termination several years ago following a negative boyfriend reaction and said the strain of it all caused them to split anyway - so it was quite insightful to hear her views.
I've had a minor breakthrough in regards to my partner - after 2 weeks of being cold and unaffectionate towards me, he was actually more loving last night and things felt a little more normal.
We still haven't talked - and I think when we do - on a more sensible level - ie on how to move forward, rather than the negative side - then things will improve. If he really can't handle it, then its best if we split so I am not being all rose tinted about it and don't expect miracles.
I will keep you all posted on how this progresses.
Thanks for the support x
Hi katie34, thanks for the update.
I am really glad to hear that you have a good couple of supportive friends.
It is also good to hear that you are going into this with your eyes open, remember you, the girls and the baby come first and it is important that you feel good when the baby arrives.
Have you told the twins? I bet they will be dead excited.
Look forward to hearing from you with a progression report!
Take care 
Hi Katie34 and welcome to One Space
It sounds like you have had a diffcult couple of weeks with the shock of finding yourself pregnant, it still is early day's and your partner could come round when he has had time to adjust to this new situation.
You have said that you haven't fully come to terms with it all yet yourself, so you both probably need sometime to come to terms with your pregnancy, it probably was not great on his part to have vocalised his initail reaction, he probably just panicked, which was not geat for you as it has now left you questioning your relationship.
Are you able to talk to a friend or family member that is supportive?