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hi just wondering if any one else finds it problem working during school holidays and finding child care i have 3 children eldest 2 teenagers youngest 1 ten asked ex if he would take some holidays to look after youngest while i worked and his reply was he wasnt prepared to waste any of his holidays ! so then asked for half of my loss of earnings as i only work 2 days a week during school holidays instead of usual 5 during term time his reply was that he would give me a extra £2.50 a week which i find a insult both to me and children . the agreement when we got divorced was that he would help during school holidays which he never has very tempted to contact csa as i recieve a sum of £100 per calender month maintence for the 3 children (what we both agreed on when divorced ) any advice appreciated
hi thanks for your advice yea was a big insult!just find it hard to think that what he values his children . we have been divorced for 3 year only the youngest that has contact with him which is 2 nights a week for a couple of hours eldest two cant be bothered with him anymore but when youngest goes to see him you cant call it quailty time spent with him last week when she went round he brought her home early because he was tired and then on friday night when she went round he was in bed asleep! that was at 6 oclock . he works full time so i know he could afford to pay more for the children also his wife works fulltime they have no children just feel children are getting a bad deal from him.
It sounds to me as if you could definitely receive more child support. However the really sad thing is the children have a distant relationship with him. Does this bother him? I imagine it is very hurtful to the children and it seems as if the eledst two feel rejected and so have switched off.
yea it is sad that they dont have a relationship with him i wish they did but i dont want to force them to go round and see him it took me 2 year for him to make arrangements for regular contact with them he would always say they were welcome round any time but everytime i contacted him hed say he was busy ,tired or ill it was only when i got csa involved last year that he would make a arrangement and that was that he would have them wed evening for couple of hours and fri night overnight if i got csa off his back ! first week all 3 children slept on fri night (he returned them 8.45 sat morning)after that eldest has never slept again and after couple of months other 2 stopped wanting to sleep and as time has gone on eldest 2 have had very little contact with him ,they have both got mobile phones so he could text or ring them but he never does it just feels as though he has no interest in them at all ,andthe feeling is mutural as at moment eldest is at summer school through supported progression he didnt want his dad to know as he says" hes not bothered." very sad as he is missing out on so much he has got 3 great kids that he should be proud of !
It is a shame jam11 when we can see our childrens other parent missing out. You have worked at helping him keep their relationship strong, but what more can you do?
It sounds as though the children have accepted things the way they are and maybe you now have to too. It is his responsibility to grow their relationship and in the long run when the children are adults you will have no control whatsoever with regards to when they see their father. So perhaps for now you just have to accept it. It is a shame for the children.
Child support and the amount of time the other parent sees the children are two separate things, so he could be paying child support and not seeing them at all, but at least this would help with childcare over the holidays, have you considered going back to the CSA?
very tempted to as the money would come in handy would be able to do more things with children days out cinema stuff like that would be nice but last year when got csa involved he went mad texted horrible messages that he wouldnt see youngest again unless i got them off his back and i would have to explain to her why he didnt want to see her and she wouldnt thank me for it so dont know what to do for best for all of them.
Hi jam11
He is using the children to bully you.
If your youngest grows up and doesn't see her dad, because of the reasons he stated above, how do you think your daughter would react to that information, I think it would make her think less of him, not worse of you, don't you think?
You can't control if he sees the children or not, or what kind of relationship they have with him, that is his domain, you see to their day to day care and well being. They will know who looked out for them and learn from that.
What you can control is contacting the CSA and ensuring that your children receive the money that they are entitled to.
Please remember he is legally responsible to pay for Child Support, did you contact the CSA expert?
Hi Jam11,
School holidays are very difficult for me too. My ex won't use his holiday to have the children either, I have 2 aged 12 and 10. My parents help out but they don't live near by so my girls go and stay for a whole week. My ex used to complain about this as it meant he couldn't see them, in reply I would ask him if he would like to take them for the week instead, he soon stopped moaning!
It is interesting your ex was so insistent for you to get the CSA 'off his back', maybe he knows he should be paying you a lot more money than he does! Don't give up, get some help and advice from the experts on here, they've helped me in the past. Once you have all the information you need you can decide what to do.
Good luck
Hi jam11 and welcome to One Space
School holidays are always a juggling act for parents who are working and raising their children on their own. Not only for the childcare reasons but financially too, especially teenagers, they eat so much!
I can't imagine how you felt when your ex said he wasn't 'prepared' to give up any of his holiday time for your youngest and then to add insult to injury, offer you and extra £2.50 a week.
Get in touch with our CSA expert and see if you can receive any more money for the children, it does depend on his wages but our expert really knows her stuff, so it is worth asking.
Also you may consider contacting our Legal expert (he is currently on holiday this week, but if you leave a message, he will respond on his return, if it is mentioned in the divorce papers that your ex will help out over the holidays then maybe there is a way of enforcing it?
Good luck, let us know. How long have you been separated? How are the children?