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So I was talking to a friend the other day and we were talking about man troubles. The conversation isn't really relevant but it led to her saying something along the lines of me being able to work towards "rebuilding my family unit", meaning, "find a person to replace your husband and move in with you and your kids and have a little family".
She meant well; she hasn't got any kids and I guess she just assumed that when people have kids that's what they want... but it sort of made me realise that that just isn't what I want. I never have - when I had it with my husband I felt like a hollow shell of a woman, floating through life feeling like I was walking someone else's path.
Although being a single parent is very difficult sometimes, I love the independence and I LOVE being at the helm of our family. There is no part of me that wants to share that with another adult. I'd really like to have another relationship at some point in the future, and I can imagine that person being involved in our family life in some ways - day trips and such - but the traditional family unit is something I just don't covet at all.
I was just interested to hear other people's thoughts on this - I found it really fascinating that my friend and I had completely different assumptions when it comes to an "ideal" family dynamic. Is being in a single parent family something that you've come to terms with or something you genuinely love?
Exactly! It really gets on my nerves when the assumption is that a single parent family is only 'half' a family, that it's somehow lacking. It's not lacking at all. I feel like we are stronger and more bonded as a unit now than we ever have been.
I met someone a couple of years ago and was explaining that I worked with single parents, he said that he understood as he came from a 'broken home', I stomped all over him! I said that more often than not, when a relationship breaks down the 'home' can start fixing itself and become whole and complete again. He actually thanked me and said that he knew his childhood wasn't bad, but he had carried the social stigma all these years!!
Oh wow what a wonderful way of putting it - the home fixing itself again. That's so so so true. How lovely :)
My ex once said to me that he was surprised he "ended up" with me because he always said when he was younger that he would never marry a woman whose parents weren't together. He reckoned that parents splitting up meant that the children would never understand how to make a relationship work and the marriage would fail as a result.
...Kind of seemed a bit rich coming from someone like him, who can't deal with -any- aspect of life, not just relationships, despite his mum and dad still being together ;)
I love it!! And even though it is just the two of us (my daughter and myself) once I had come to terms that we were already 'a family unit' I realised that it would be very hard for someone else to come along and ingratiate themselves into our lives.
It would take a very special person and probably quite a few years of living apart first!