Hi!
I haven't spoken to anyone about this before so I hope I can get some support and advice from this forum.
I have two small children: one 7 month and one 3 year. I've been together with my partner for over a decade and things have gradually got worse over time. I work full time and do everything I can for my kids, including getting up 5am every morning so I can pick them up from nursery, do all the night-watch duties, try to keep the house in order etc. My partner used to complain that she didn't have any kids and now she is complaining that she has kids. She is always complaining and very aggressive. Everything is my fault and she goes totally ballistic for the slightest little matter. I've taken all the verbal abuse over the years by biting my lip, swallowing the blood and just shut up. Now I don't think I can take it anymore.
My partner complains that she cannot cope with the kids, even though I've arranged a good nursery for my daughter, a cleaner that comes to the house twice per week, baby sitter on holiday etc. As soon as I get home from work I drop everything I have and just focus on the kids until everyone has gone to bed.
I am getting to the point where this is becoming unbearable. I love my kids more than anything else and it doesn't bother me if I don't get any sleep due to taking care of them. As she clearly cannot cope even though she is not working and has all the help that most parents could only dream of. One plausible alternative for me is that I take care of the kids and ask my partner to take off. It will be the biggest challenge of my life to take care of the kids alone, but my love to them is so strong that I would make it work no matter how hard it is.
Am I crazy? Should I just continue as things are suffering in silence?
Hi :)
[Just wondering, is there any chance your wife could have post natal depression or are these issues longer standing?] Aside from this for now.... To answer your questions.. no, I don't think you're crazy and no, I don't think you should suffer in silence, either. If I were you I would start looking into any and all possibilities re further childcare, babysitters within family and friends etc and also the govt. websites to see what financial help you're enetitled to as a lone parent in your cirumstances [with work etc] and possibly even changing your job to more suitable hours. I'd make a plan thereafter [if it is all 'doable' and you believe you can cope/juggle] and then sit your wife down and have a very honest conversation about her, her behaviour, what she could do/is willing to do about it and/or you could both do about it. I'd explain exactly how it's all made you feel and still is making you feel and even go as far as telling her what you may have to end up doing about it all if nothing is going to change << but be weary with that last part until perhaps she has finished explaining herself and/or agreeing [or not] to make the necessary changes.
Thing is - and I know this only adds pressure to you in some ways - but the cold hard fact is that one of you has to be strong, caring, nurturing and able/wanting to cope, for the sake of your children [I know this really goes without saying] and if that has to be you because your wife can't manage/doesn't want to, then you'll have no choice - and you know 'having no choice' oddly ends up as a positive, because where your children are concerned especially, you just have to get on, chin up, bear it with all your strength and smile, no matter what. It is often easier to not have a choice sometimes as the strength we find within ourselves when we're faced with times like that is amazing ;) I could go on, but I'm rushing.. hope this helped a little Xx
[we posted same time, Anna Xx]
Great post Morrigan
Hi saddaddy61 and welcome to One Space
Thank you for sharing some of what is going on for you. It sounds as though you have spent a long time covering things up and getting on with stuff, but you are reaching the end of your tether, so I am glad you are looking at solutions and alternatives as this can't be having a great effect on your mental health and wellbeing. So in answer to your question...No you should not continue to suffer in silence.
How do you the think your children are affected by you and your partners relationship? Do you still love your partner?
I am wondering if your partner is suffering from post natal depression? Although her behaviour was the same before the children, she may well be struggling now.
Whatever is going on for her it sounds as though she is really very unhappy and although it sounds as if you are bending over backwards, it is time for her to seek some professional help. Has she or would she consider going to her GP and talking about her feelings?
You might consider contacting Mankind on 01823 334244 (I am unsure of their opening hours) for further information and some emotional support. It is important that you keep looking after yourself through this, the children need you.