First of all i'd like to say hi to everyone and introduce myself. My name is E and 7 weeks ago i gave birth to my baby girl named C. I am 19 years old and C wasn't planned.
I got pregnant when I was in the middle of my first year at University and My ex boyfriend (22 years old) was also in his first year at university. We got together October 2011 and i found out i was pregnant in January (I was 8 weeks then.) We were both very much in love and decided that even though this was a big thing to go through especially just meeting someone that we would have this baby.
We both lived in the same halls and we spent nearly all our time together. I stayed in halls until April 2012 (when i moved back home with my parents being 5 months pregnant.) Whilst I was staying in halls i suffered depression as i felt completely alone. I felt this way as all the other people in halls including all my friends were going out drinking every night and obviously i couldn't and wouldn't. Another thing that didn't help was that due to my ex being in uni also, he spent most days in uni (from 9 am) and would come back down to see my at about 10 pm at night.
i spent most days by myself. When i was in halls i did end up pushing my ex away (if he went to hold my hand i would move it away etc.) i blame most of this to feeling depressed and alone and i felt that because he made me feel this way i wanted to distance myself so that he couldn't hurt me any longer.
I obviously took this too far and ended up finishing with him. (this only lasted a couple of days and we got back together ( which i said was mainly for the baby and that i'd have to just be with him even if i didn't truly love him.) Up until friday i believed we were very much in love again (i felt this started when i moved back home in april) and that we were the same people who fell in love last year again. this wasn't true.
Although my ex has been telling me he loved me lots and that he was so happy and we were planning on living together he said friday night that he didn't really mean it and hasn't felt the same way about me since i pushed him away. I feel now that our whole relationship has been a lie as he said he loved me and now says that he hardly every actually meant it after i pushed him away and was mainly staying with me because he thought he should. I (not knowing how he really felt and thinking that we were a family and were going to live together etc) Loved (still do ) him so much that if he asked me to marry him i wouldn't second guess. I want to spend the rest of my life with him and he makes me feel complete and whole.
I am devastated to say the least. It doesn't help that i am currently suffering post natal depression. I feel like i will never move on and i will never find someone to love more than i love him. I devoted my life to him and wanted to prove all the people who said bad things wrong and that young couples with a baby can work. everything has be turned upside down and the worst thing is that it was so sudden. (literally 5 mins before he told me he didn't want to be with me as he didn't love me and he wasn't happy, he told me he loved me and was happy!) Im confused and hurt etc. I need someone to talk to. I feel it will never get better... Will it?
I don't have many friends as they are all away at uni. I just need someone to listen. I know it is all my fault for being so mean to him and pushing him away and making him feel like crap ( i honestly didn't realise that it affected him like it says it did as he didn't show it at the time and i really didn't mean to be so mean. he says he just doesn't think he can ever love me like he did before all that.) How do you cope being a newly single new mum?
Hi, Thankyou.
Yeah im living at home with my parents, and my mum looks after her every wednesday for me so i can get some sleep! My ex was up this weekend (thats when he finished with me) and he loves our daughter with al his heart. i have said i will never ever stop him seeing her. He wants to see her every week which i think is brilliant. Yes i know i need to respect his decision. he wanted it to be over and he has good reasons why. although i wish i could change things i cant. whats done is done and i just want him to be happy and if thats not with me then i'd rather him be with someone else (as much as it kills me inside :( ) i had to drop out (i was studying music production and audio engineering.) but i want to study cell biology. I just need to move into my own place, find child minders etc first. but i will definitly carry on studying. its just hard right now to get my head around it all as its so recently happened.
Hiya EmmaandCharlotte,
Both are lovely names. Welcome to Onespace. There are pple on here a lot more professional than me and these will contribute in time.
However, I just wanted to sympathise with you. Its a shame you have to learn at such a young age how bloody tough life can be. I would take issue with you saying 'it was your fault for being mean to him'. Of course its not your fault. You were coping with a lot at a young age - most pple would struggle. So did you - you are human. Humans make mistakes. It doesnt make it your fault. But I guess I echo Sparkinglimes that you have to accept what your ex boyfriend has said and respect him for telling you. From previous experience I think it is better to know what u are working with now than for him to lead you on and break things further down the line. That said from what u have said he also seems confused possibly and he may change his mind? I think the best way forward would be to focus on the two of you and then see what happens in the future. You cant change the past, you cant predict the future but you can live in the present and enjoy your lovely baby girl. Yeah your life style will change and I can understand your depression at seeing your friends out letting their hair down but there comes a time when theirs becomes a hollow existance. I wonder how many of your friends will envy you? Some may not be able to conceive? The way i see it, is your little girl will be the best thing that ever happened to you and will be the making of you. Your explanation above was very coherent and well written showing she has a good mum with a lot of potential, just what any little child needs. She will be proud of you being her mum. I am sure you will be equally proud of her. Cherish one another and good luck :-)
Hiya. Welcome along to the site. Congratulations on your baby daughter. Sorry to hear that things haven't worked out with the father, but for now, focus on you and the baby. Have you considered writing to him, explain everything in a letter, so he gets a clearer picture of what it was like for you at the beginning? If that doesn't work, then I'm afraid, you do have to accept things, as hard as they are at the moment. It's great that you have your parents for support. Take all the help you need in these early days, and in time you'll feel stronger in yourself. Are you on medication for the depression?
It's great that the father is having contact with his daughter. As well as for you, this is all very new and sudden for him. Is he supporting the baby?
No matter how young or old, being a single mum is hard work, especially the older they get! We all do it though, because we love our kids to pieces. You'll be a great mum I'm sure. x
Hi EmmandCharlotte and welcome to One Space from me! 
allcharlie wrote something really good to remember at this point in your life
"You cant change the past, you cant predict the future but you can live in the present and enjoy your lovely baby girl."
You have been through a very difficult time, how do you get on with your health visitor? I am wondering if you have considered getting some counselling to talk through how you are feeling now and where the feelings whilst pregnant came from?
I had just turned 22 when I had my daughter and I used to be so envious of my friends going out, travelling, meeting lots of guys etc, however as time went on, I learnt that they were envious of me!
Now I have just turned 40 (omg!) and my daughter is about to be 18. I am now older and wiser, more financially stable, yet young enough to enjoy whatever life I choose to pursue.
These last few months have been quite a rollercoaster for you, you will settle into being mummy and if you want to go back and study cell biology - you can!
Be kind to yourself, do not beat yourself up over mistakes that you think you have made. You are a bright young woman and have a bright future ahead of you.
You might be interested in reading our article on How to recover from a broken heart, to give you some ideas to help pick yourself back up.
It is brilliant to read that you have the support from your mum, do you go to any mum and baby groups?
Hi its me again, I was just thinking that you might be interested in reading this too:
Help for students with children and as you are under 20 Financial help for young parents.
Hi, yeah the father does support her financially wich is good as i cant afford it all by myself. i dont go to any mother and baby groups, im not too fond of leaving the house at the moment but there is one near by. my health visitor is meant to ring me tomorrow to see when she will next see me, ive managed to hide the PND from everyone until friday when i told my ex (he broke up with me later that day! :( ) and the doctor. I am going to speak to the Health visitor about it as i think i need help to feel better; i cant by myself. i think its all so sudded and fresh that it just feels like it will never get better :( thanks for the other articles to read Anna.
Hi EmmaAndCharlotte and welcome from me too.
Congratulations on the birth of your little girl, i alway's go gaga over babies, but am so sorry to hear about your break up, the others have all given you some great advice.
Do speak with your Dr about how your feeling right now, i am a mother of four and had PND with my third child, my Dr was a great support, at the time i was really isolated and alone. You say that you don't feel like being around others or even like going out, i felt like this too and funnily what worked best was getting out and talking with others, that bit was not easy.
I was wondering if your HV would be able to attend a mums and toddlers group with you for a bit of moral support?
Hi
Congratulations on the birth of your baby.
You will cope as you have a child who needs you to cope...
Are you now living at home with your parents? Are you having some help with the baby in the early days?
Has your ex been to visit the baby? While, how ever sad it is that your relationship is over, he does need to build up a relationship with his daughter.
I can't second guess his feelings for you, or how things have gone over the months you were together. But you do need to respect his decision, however hard it is.
I'm sorry if this sounds harsh, but somehow its something that is difficult to put in to words.
Are you able to continue with your studies?