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Hello there, this thread is for anyone who used to be a regular has not been on the boards for a while and is not sure of where to jump in, just post here and give us your updates and we will be interested in your news since we chatted with you last 
Hello sarah and excellent to hear from you, I do hope you continue to be with us when you can Great that you have made the move and I am not surprised about the money side of things. Glad the job is going ok too, I know you had just started when you were last on. As you say, thank heavens for your parents. Are your children still having the same amount of time with their dad?
Hi Louise. funnily enough, (but not actually funny at all!) despite taking me to court for more contact a year ago, the Ex has now communicated that he wants LESS time with the girls as he now works full-time. No doubt his g/f got sick of supporting him financially and applied for jobs for him as I used to). He now has them just for every other weekend Fri 6pm til Monday to school, as opposed to school pick up on the Friday and a midweek visit. It's such a sad state of affairs. As stressful and painful as it's been over the last 3 years, I knew he'd end up seeing them less when reality kicked in and he finally understood that you can't live on fresh sir or the charity of others forever. Part of me wishes he'd realised a lot earlier on but part of me is also glad that I don't have that mouse around my neck anymore. Times are hard but there's always someone worse off. I'm still harbouring a lot of anger so have started seeing a counsellor. I'm now starting to see that I was emotionally abused and I am in a better place now, even if it doesn't feel like it much.
Thanks for getting back in touch. I will make sure I check in more often from now on.
Sarah
Fresh air and noose! Predictive text can be quite amusing!
...well it can be very graphic anyway, teehee! Yes I remember he was wanting more time with them. I have seen this a lot over the years, parents who demand more time just because they think they are being denied it but when they have it, they don't want it, seems to be a feature of human nature.
Yes do please stay in touch and we hope more old friends will check back with us soon
Hello ladies.
How could I resist such an invitation!
Not been around much as things got pretty overwhelming and I wasn't coping too well. There was the whole situation with the ex, J has gone through a really bad patch behaviour wise and work has been crazy. But I'm still here.
Ex has informed me that he will be filing for divorce before Christmas (yay!!!) and after Chistmas we will also be changing the contact he has with J, from every Saturday to every other weekend for a full weekend. That way we both get time to do things with him. As for the house, while I really want to stay here, if I can't then I can't. Things will be what they will be.
In the midst of all this I have also met a new 'friend'. Met him through work. Things are very tentative at the moment, mainly on my part! He has a four year old son who lives with his ex partner, so I have had some insight into the other side of the coin. Between children and work, meeting up takes military planning and precision. But he's made me smile and laugh again.
Hope everyone else is well
Great to hear from you, Looby, and lifeis moving on apace for you. As you say, the house thing is not yet set in stone but YOU WILL BE FINE, whatever happens. Glad you are dating again, it is such a boost to the confidence but I agree about the military planning heh heh. You say that J has been through a bad patch, has he settled down a bit?
Hi Louise.
Not sure if J has got better or I've just got used to it! He gets really angry and will argue that black is white with me. He will be openly defiant. But it's only with me. He is an angel at school and for his dad. He's started saying that he hates me. He always apologises when he calms down and says he only said it because he was really cross with me. Think I'm just the one he can let off steam with!
Aww Looby it's certainly true that they let out their "bad bits" in the place they feel safest. Are you wanting some techniques to tackle this? If he says he is cross WITH YOU, why is it you he is cross with...because you are asking him to do something he doesn't like? I wonder if it would be a good idea to get a book about feeling angry, really just to kick off more of a discussion about it all. Here is one that I think is good, the solutions are pretty basic but it is good to get them talking about their feelings. As a counsellor, I meet some highly educated and articulate adults who never developed this "emotional literacy" at J's age and it makes it hard for them to be in touch with their needs and at the same time appraciate others' feelings (empathy) so yet another task for we parents
Hello! Thank you for the email. I hope everyone's well. I can't remember the last time I logged in - clearly a while ago - but things are improved. The girls and I moved out of my parents in September after 10 months of living there and into the house my brother was in. Fortunately, my parents have money sense and a solid partnership (unlike I have, or used to have at least) and bought a 'home for the kids' about 12 years ago. At 40, my brother has graduated to 'moving in with serious partner' and the 'single parent/next child' jumping in! I didn't have deposits, tenancy fees or any additional costs to find. I know I am very lucky.
i'm working 3 days a week at a school and rely on my parents for childcare either side of the school day. Again, very lucky. What the hell I'd do without their help, I don't know. The Ex, unsurprisingly, still pays naff all, not even arrears. In 2013 I've received a 'massive' £450 - all arrears, not maintenance. Scumbag.
Anyway, that's it in a nutshell! X