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i am a single mum to a 8.5month old boy and really need some help/advice, am finding it really hard to cope.. when i put myy son to bed (he's never been able to put himself to sleep, so once hes asleep) ikll put him in his cot and for the past 4/5weeks soon as i put him down he will wake up or 20mins later, i go upstairs put his dummy in if he wants it, soft voiced if speak go back out, and he just cries and this repeats itself upto 5times before he settles. then he will always wake up at least once during the night, he never settles back in his cot so i've been (i knoww this is wrong and i shouldnt) putting him in my bed with me and hes more settled, but lately hes been waking extremely early (3-5am) and justs cries if i dont get up with him and bring him downstairs.. he has slept through night since 3weeks old, this problems occurs every so often and i really dont know what to do anymore, please help!!
AND! I'm sure you are coping better than you think : )
With co sleeping... my step mum who is Zambian, well her and my dad and my little brothers and sisters all slept in the same bed till eight or nine/ten, all five of them. Sometimes I would fine them scattered around the bed room half in half out the bed and on the floor.
The worry or concerns about co sleeping are very much a western thing.
Here is an interesting link... Cosleeping!
thank you, but i dont really have a problem etc with my son in my bed its just why is he waking up everytime i put him down, waking durin night and the mornings like him cryin n waking so early.. nothing in our routine has changed, dont understand why, its just a everydaay thing now and am struggling as it is just me day in day out... thank u again
Sorry, miss understood your initial post : )
It's a shame they cant tell you what's wrong when they are that age.
:)
Hi singlemum!
I can tell you what I did - but you might not like that approach at all....
None of my four slept with me ever (unless they were really ill), and the most I had them in my room was a week. I find that if I don't get my sleep I get very grouchy and that doesn't help anyone.
To get them to sleep through the night, I would wake them up late, just before I went to bed (mind, I'm a night owl, so we're talking midnight-ish), give them a drink and change and then they went in their cot. Against all common advice I found they slept very well on their front (sorry all experts!!!) and also as they were in a room by themselves they weren't bothered by me moving about and I wasn't bothered by them moving about. As soon as they started only waking up at 6 or 7, I started bringing the 'wake-them-up-to-go-to-sleep-time- forward by half hour at a time.
This worked very well for me, all my children slept! I had a problem with No3 son when he was about 6 months, but that was due to the change in feeding, from milk to solids.
Really I think every parent has a number one priority that is vital to them, and mine was sleeping and therefore I made that work. I have a friend whose children didn't sleep through the night till they were 5 or so, but they all eat everything (mine were quite fussy), and she wasn't bothered about the sleep thing. 
Stick around, soon someone will be here to give you some official advice (and will tell me off for letting my babies sleep on their fronts, too....) xx
Teehee, do you think I am going to tell you off, Hopeful? On the whole I would say each parent does what feels right to THEM. Official advice is to sleep on their back (said to reduce incidence of cot death) but I know of lots of parents who put their children down on their backs and they roll over during the night anyway.
As for the sleeping in your bed thing, that is up to you, all I would say is make sure you haven't been drinking or on medication that makes you sleep more heavily. As my sister said, when I asked how she felt about her two (then seven and five) sleeping with her, "they won't be doing it when they are 18"
So, singlemum89, let's get to grips with what is going on for you. I think the clue to the solution lies in the fact that "he has never been able to put himself to sleep". When he was tiny he did not have enough perception to realise this, yet now he is big enough to realise, he has not got the "OK" experience of being awake on his own so that if he wakes in the night, this frightens him/unsettles him.
How do you get him to sleep at night? Rocking, singing etc? There's nothing wrong with that but I feel sure the key to sorting this out is to get him used to being awake in his cot and it being a safe and nice experience. Think about your bedtime routine, needs to be calm and predictable, I know that you know that already. Once you are sure that he is fed and watered, is comfy, is not too hot or cold then put him in his cot and leave him there.Leave the room. After one minute of crying (look at your watch or phone as one minute can be a long time!) go in and pat him, say some soothing things in your quiet voice and leave again, do not pick him up. The second time you leave, you wait for two minutes, go in again, pat him, speak to him quietly etc, then leave...and the next time you wait for for three minutes etc. Now this will be totally HORRENDOUS for the first couple of nights, he will only eventually fall asleep when totally exhausted. Don't feel guilty. You are doing this not just so you can get some peace but also to allow him to see that he is Ok in his cot. You use the same method for night waking too.The only provison I would make is that it would be worth having a bottle of boiled cooled water ready as he might get into such a state crying that he needs a small drink (not juice or milk though)
The early mornings....hmm well you could set a time limit which is the earliest you can bear, perhaps 5am to start with, and only get him up if the clock hands have gone past the magic time. As you can tell by reading this, it is a tough few days when you do it, so I would recommend if at all possible that you persuade someone to have him for one night or day before you start this so you can grab some sleep to fortify yourself. Also although you will feel you qualify for Cruel Mother of the Year Award while you are doing it, I have never known it to take longer than a week for this to revolutionise an older baby's sleep pattern so there is a limit as to how long you give this a go. After a week, I think you would have to give up and think Ok so back to the drawing board....but I have never known it not to work if it is followed properly and you don't keep picking him up.
Good luck!
thanks for all the advice! he sleeps on his front as i found when he started sleeping thru the night he slept a million times better like this and found he dint like his moses basket, think he felt closed in as he doesnt like being enclosed in a small space... i noticed that when he was waking etc more when i showed i was stressed he was, so when he does wake up, i go in soft and calm voice, dont say much too him, soothe him back to sleep (either in my arms rocking him or if all else fails i end up layin on my bed with him on me which usually sends him to sleep) on occasions where ive repeated these about 4/5 times when he ends up screaming i leave the room, come downstairs then go back up after a while and few times have had to just leave him and eventually he has gone to sleep after wearing himself out. if we're in a car or he's in pushchair he has no prob going to sleep himselff its the bedtime sleep, hes always let himself get tired too the point where hes upset and angry but lately he falls asleep at end of his bottle (has 2 8oz bottles a day)... maybe hes just having a rough patch as hes alwways been quite good sleeping through the night and after the 3weeks of not sleeoing through night he hasnt fed at night nor wanted to. hes dropped his bedtime himself as he used to go sleep 9-10ish now we are at 6-645 usually... i am hoping to put him in his own room asap when i can get rest of money for a carpet... xx thank you
Hi there
This is a really great website with heaps of tips and tricks for improving baby's sleep - I don't know what I would have done without it in the early days! Being on your own in the small hours, so tired and with no choice but to deal with an over-tired baby is increadibly difficult and i sympathise so much - but hang in there. It does get better I promise, and just a few nights of summoning up all the patience you have will make things easier in the long run.
Here's an article which might help on sleep training.
Take care
x
Hi suzyg101
Thanks for that. The sleep training article explains in a different way the technique I was suggesting above and you're right, a few more terrible nights are a price worth paying if it makes things improve
Hello.
I don't think there is anything wrong with putting him in bed with you, but that is a personal choise, there are pros and cons either way. But if it helps, mine mostly slept with me and still do most the time and they are seven and eight, they are only just now starting to sleep in their own beds. My son more than my daughter, I usualy find my daughter in my bed when I wake up in the morning.
Sorry I don't have any more advice, my two were pretty good sleepers.
Don't get stressed about it, or try not to at least : ) as your son will sence this and become restless I suspect.
Not all children sleep peacefully from dusk till dawn, they are all different.
I'm sure some of the nice people in here will be along shortly with better advice...
: )