hello everyone, i have just found this site today and here i am.
my story , well lets see, i met my better half in 2006 and weeks later i found out i was pregnant only to go to A&E days after with severe pains and bleeding and to be told i miscarried. in December 06 i went to my GP with a cold but found out i didnt miscarry my baby and was over the moon. I already had a step-son so this would only make our little family whole. so as the years past by i thought everything was going to be perfect in my little dream family till last year when misfortune hit me badly.In march 2010 my grandma died , my future sister-in-law had a brain clot and 2 months later my future husband was diagnosed with terminal cancer. to fullfil his wish we got married (in hospital) and 5 days later he died. My son will be 4 in a week and a half and the memory of his dad is still strong but i wonder for how long?!my step-son lives with his mum and doesnt even want to speak to us (other reasons from his mum which i wont mention) so now its just me and my son. I am currently tryiing very hard to get back to work to improve our financial situation . I dont go out , cause i cant drive anyway , and only a few members of my now "adopted" family keep in touch. Because i live in a village life gets boring and somedays i try to clean stuff with a toothbrush just to keep myself busy. My little man is happy and chats aways without a care in the world and my main aim is to make sure his little world stays safe and worry free while i have strngth and health in my body. I dont know if i will ever date again, or if i will ever have the joy of giving birth but until then i am happy with what i have !
sorry for the long life story hope i didnt bore any1 :D
xxx
Hello mrs pj and welcome! Glad that you found us.
I really do not have the words to tell you how sorry I am that your husband died so young, I cannot imagine what you have been through and the strength it has taken to bring up your little son ever since. My heart goes out to you.
You say that you are trying to look at job options at the moment and I am thinking that opportunities may be quite limited if you live in a village without your own transport. Do you have your own family nearby at all?
As for cleaning things with a toothbrush, I could either a. bring round my ironing, heh heh, or b. encourage you to think about things that are more enjoyable! I think I will choose b. What are your interests? Any possiblility of making money at the cleaning where you live?
Your son will be going to school soon, is there are school in the village?
hi Lousie, thank you for the welcome, my last 10 months of not having my husband with us have been difficult and goodness knows whats kept me going , i am currently taking driving lessons and hopefully i`ll pass my driving test so this will give me a bit of independence because the public transport here is horrid. i have looked at some cleaning jobs but i`ve had an interview recently for a PA job in the local town and should hear back next week so i was told. i do love reading and so far i`ve red everyhting i could get my hands on (i had some old novels i bought long time ago from the charity shop) and also kept busy by knitting "stuff":D
yes my son will start in sept and the school is literally in front of our lounge window so thank goodness i dont have to walk to far :) , he`s enjoying pre-school at the moment which is close to our house as well and he is well excited about going to school , the only impediment so far is is speech, which is similar to a 1.5yr old we are doing speech n language and had psychologyst (spelt that wrong) to see him but they cant diagnose him till he is a bit older.
i could go on forever , but i am going to make myself a frsh cuppa and start on dinner :D
Hi mrspj
I'm so very sorry too.
I really wish you well with the driving, as it seems to open so many doors.
Good to see you here. 
Hallo mrspj, what a shocking series of events to have occurred in 2010. Have you recieved counselling or bereavement support as I imagine you have encountered a huge array of emotions?
When is your driving test? Will you be able to get a car? Fingers crossed for the PA job. Please let us know if you get it!
My daughter's secondary school is almost opposite our house, so that has been a godsend cos I am a terribly late riser. (luckily she isn't!)
Being so close to the school means that it will be close to invite parents over for a coffee in the morning (if you are not working) or after school. Will you be working full time or part time?
hello sparklinglime and Anna :D
yes we had a rough 2010 and no i havent had counselling, i try to write all my feelings down in my diary and that helps me a lot! i will have my practical on 1st of june , not too long now so fingers and toes crossed:)
i do try to have some human contact , and do go to the local church where we have met some really amazing people. however when it comes to coffeeing with other mums , i do but very very rarely and not because i dont want to but most of the mums here either live in the villages around or work mornings while their children are at school and pre-school.
i am really hoping my mum will move in with us soon and this will give me a bit more support and the help as getting childcare in this village is close to impossible and i dont want to mess up my sons routine anymore than it has been so far.
My son hasnt shown many signs of being depressed , just sometimes he asks for his dad :( , i just hope this wont affect him as he gets older. I grew up without a father and it was my fathers choice to leave my sister and i the kill himself , but it was not my husbands wish or choice to die and not see his boys growing up . This i stuggle with a bit because i dont understand why!
Anna in response to your question , the job is full time , as taking a part time job by the time i get there by bus half the day is gone and the pay is not great hence why i want a full time job. I have been busy getting my GCSE`s equivalent exams , and will hopefully start on a qualification soon, its all hands on with me , the busier i get the less time i have to think and be miserable because of what i had and what i lost and what our plans were for the future...having another baby , buying a house , getting married (that we did but not the way we wanted) , etc
Everytime i get some good news now i cant help feeling upset that something will go wrong elsewhere , i hate receivng the post and always open my letter whith my heart in my throat...and now i am ranting away lol , my apologies ladies:)
thank you everyone for making me feel welcome
xoxo
Yes I can so understand that it is hard to trust that good things will last. It is like regaining your trust in life, a big challenge. Keeping busy is a really effective thing, but don't squash your feelings down or they will pop up again when you least expect
You mum is moving in? that will indeed be a big help and I am glad to hear of all your plans.
You are not ranting, by the way, we are here to listen
thank you Louise !!:D
i am hoping the move will go smoothly and i am excited about having mum with us but in the same time i dont want to raise my hopes high ...just in case 
....and how are you as i am going on about me all the time. how are you getting on ? xx
I am fine thanks:-) Went to a friend's 40th birthday do last night but did not stay late as I am such a wimp.
Have you got any plans for the weekend or are you seeing what the weather is like first?
ufff , hoovering , dusting a great pile of washing is calling me on a date today , not much , tomorrow we`ll go to church and this is our weekend over,still waiting to hear from my sister as she is days away from giving birth to a little girl , its a shame i am not able to go back and visit them yet not until maybe end of year ...but hey there ou go, i`m in a "meh" mood today lol
awww at least you went so its a step forward even if it is just for a little bit , you never know next do you`ll stay longer , one step at a time i say 
No, I used to be a really party girl but now I like to be home at a decent time (I always used to huff at my Mum when she said that as she got older and now I am beginning to know what she meant, lol)
Housework for me too, can probably get away without laundry for one more day but have had to tidy my room, seeing as I make son do his! (he is 16)
Let us know the news about your sister and her new baby, fingers crossed for her that it will arrive sooner rather than later.
That will be exciting, becoming an auntie.
My brother and sister live away, and so I never got to know my nieces (both in their 30s now) and my nephew who is only 8 weeks older than my eldest! My sister had him just before her 40th birthday.
I really hope things go smoothly for her.
Louise , i never was the party girl myself sometimes i think i aged too much before my time even if it doenst show on my face yet, so glad i managed to do nearly everything i planned for today...minus the dusting :D
sparklinglime i know how it must feel ...to a degree anyway , my sister had never met my son and neither my late nan , i just hope i will get there one day soon to have a lovely family reunion....maybe one day for you too better late than never :D
alrite my loely ladies and lads , i am off for a cuppa n gonna curl in front of the tv till i get bored !! nite nite to you all xx
Well maybe you have a party phase to come in the future, mrs pj. Mine really went into full force after my divorce
Did you stay up late last night?
Hi there, it sounds as though the church has been a bit of a godsend 
! I imagine that if you live in a small village then the goings on at the church are pretty central to your community?
It sounds like everyone had a productive weekend! mrspj, when is your mum going to move in?
awww yes, because the village is so small going to church or the pub is the only way to get to know people here :D and since i dont really go to the pub well the church it is :)
Louise if i ever will throw a huge party if i even win the lottery you are on my guest list and will make sure you have an awesome time:D
good weekend ,bad start to the week ...wont go into details but will see if things sort out by the end of the week !
Thanks for the virtual party invite!
Sory to hear your week has not begun well. Things can only get better, as they say, don't foget we are here to share things with if it will help to get it off your chest.
ohh dear forget to mention i am 24 , and lost my hubby 3 months before my 24th birthday.