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Dear All
My ex and I split 18 months ago, and initially it was all fine, he was the one who left me and my little boy who is now 8 years old. The timing was rubbish, as the night he decided to leave, I had just returned from visiting my dad who had been admitted into hospital, and then sadly, my dad died quite unexpectedly eight days later.
Myself and my little boy have soldiered on...when he first left, my husband would have my son to stay over two nights a week, and gave me £200 per month to cover the mortgage and bills etc. He would also do a lot of the after school collections.
In September of last year, he said that he wasn't going to do any more after school pickups and our little boy had to go into Breakfast and After school clubs which we agreed to split the bill 50/50.
Then at Christmas, his dad said that he would only have him to stay one night a week.
After Christmas, I knew that we weren't going to get back together, and so went to get legal advice for a divorce (which my ex was in agreement with!) He then saw a solicitor who told him that he was paying me over the odds, and now his monthly contributions have gone down to £187 per calendar month, and he no longer pays anything towards the child care costs as he says that everything has to come out of that monthly money.
We both work full time, and I know that I am much better off that an awful lot of people, but I am now struggling to make ends meet, while my husband is swanning around with a new life, and no responsibility for anything. I have had to put the divorce on hold, as I just can't afford to take it any further, and I have asked him several times to see his P60, as I have never known how much he earns but he refuses to tell me, saying "get a court order" which he knows that I can't afford to do.
I felt that we had everything sorted before the lawyer got involved and now I am struggling financially.
Any help or advice would be greatly appreciated.
Hi Paddysmum
I think it is so disappointing when a parent chooses to pay 'just' the minimum required. We all know it so expensive with children.
I do hope the links help with things.
Do keep posting on the board, as this is a brilliant place for support.
hi paddysmum welcome to this site , you will get loads of support on here .
yes its hard when they used to know how much kids and things cost but when they leave they forget !
Hello paddysmum,things change so quickly don't they? You never know where you are with them half the time...It's so hard.
Hi paddysmum, make sure that you are claiming single adult occupancy on your council tax too.
We are here to support you through this. It is so painful to find out that your childs father is slowly easing themselves away and into their new life, after the commitment that you both made. However, try not to be envious of his life. You have your son and I promise you that your time will come, once your son grows up!
Thanks all for your comments, so supportive - I just get frustrated as he keeps changing the goal posts...but believe me when I say the seperation is for the best, I am much much happier now, so is he and so is our son which is the most important thing.
Money can't buy happiness which is what we have in plentiful supply, but every now and then, it would be nice to go to the supermarket and not be digging around the reduced items!!!!!
xx
Hi Paddysmum. You're absolutely right, happiness you can't buy. The most important people are your son and yourself. Do you have Iceland near you? They do terrific buys on occassions.
Hello Paddysmum
You are welcome here!
It is so sad that so often when people separate there are assurances given and promises made about help and support and this gets withdrawn after a short while.
The good news is that you don't need a court order. Get in touch with the Child Support Agency (click the link) and start an application for support. If the worst comes to the worst they can take it out of his wages. Provided your son's dad has no other children and there are no mitigating circumstances such as him having to travel a long way to see you son (obviously not if he has been doing the school run) then he will have to pay 15% of his gross wage. if he is giving you £187 thyen this implies that his gross wage is around £1245. Does this sound right? if not then do go to the Agency. if yes, then that is what the law says he should pay.
Have you got everything you are entitled to in terms of Working Tax Credit? (click the link) You can get up to 70% of your childcare costs refunded by them, plus Child Tax Credit, Working Tax Credit if you earn below a certain amount, Child Benefit, your wages and the payment by your boy's dad.
If you are getting everything you can and you are still struggling then it is time to look at your housing situation and to see if there are ways to cut corners....but anyway please look at the things I have suggested above first