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I feel somedays as if i am going to go insane.
Majority of the time, i'm fine and we're fine, but somedays i feel are just too much to handle.
I need 5 minutes to myself. When i have this needy feeling, my first thoughts are towards my childs father, who simply does not take any resppnsability. I have tried and tried and tried to progress the situatuion, but its sataing in the same place, he doesnt want to know in terms of actual parenting.
This puts me in a very unfair situation, and at times where perhaps im having a tough time, the fact that hedoesn't help is highlighted, i feel resentful, angry and i feel as if nobody understands.
please help.
Hi pink lilly
Oh I remember that time of my children's lives so clearly, I felt so tired, I felt irritated, I used to go up to the loo for a short break and I would be followed! I went to a church at the time and as my youngest joined the creche, four out of seven creche workers resigned because he was so "lively" I was despairing: if they could not bear to look after him for 30 minutes per week then how the heck did they think I coped the rest of the time?
But I hear what you are saying....it is not just this, it is knowing that your boy's dad is just swanning around, getting on with his life and seemingly not giving two hoots. However, you can't change him and continuing to feel this (understandable) resentment is not achieving anything apart from making you feel more bitter and negative. Good Enough Mum has suggested dwelling on the positive aspects of not having the other parents involved and this might help?
What I would say to encourage you is this: YOU HAVE ALREADY DONE THE HARDEST BIT. You have done the crying baby and screaming toddler bit. Your son is now a little person who can let you know what he is thinking, who can understand what you say and he is getting ready for big school now. You did that. YOU.
How about making a list of the child-free time you have. These are times he is at nursery, when your mum has him (not often, I know) and the times he goes to bed and all is mercifully quiet. I bet you will be surprised how much time you do actually have without him in an average week. Of course, him being in bed asleep is not the same as him being someone else's responsibility for the night, but it IS the "five minutes" you crave. Now all you need to do is decide what to do with that child-free time and have a think about whether there are things you can get done in that time, to make your time with your boy less stressful. For example, if when you do the ironing, all he wants to do is swing on the iron cable (mine used to want to do this!) then ironing becomes an evening job. Conversely, something like doing out a kitchen cupboard, he would think that was a great game playing with all the pots and pans. You could even tell him he was the one clearing out the cupbard while you get on with something else. I know on these boards we encourage parents to spend quality time with their children, but also you can come up with a variety of distractions for him so you can get other things done. Make sure you are going somewhere every day as well, even if just for a walk. Even when it is raining, he will love jumping in the puddles.
You are doing a great job, so hold onto that. It's been tough for you but it will get easier. When he is off to big school, that is a massive change for you, and this phase of your life is just "until then"
Hope you have a great weekend, pink lilly
I understand too...
Loads of hugs.
Hi all, thank you so much!!
I feel empowered by what has been said and i feel a lot more in control. I feel stronger i think is what im trying to say, although i need a day here and there to myself, unfortunately i havent got that and so as youve said louise - i need to work with what i have got and i have got time here and there, between sleeping/school etc for myself, so thank you for highlighting this - i guess its just jealousy of people have the freedom that perhaps i dont.
It's just a matter of looking at things a bit differently, but this takes time. My child is now 4 and im only now, getting to grips with overcoming the fact that im in it on my own. Im getting there, i know i will, these bad days are just awful though!!
On the plus side - i have the summer off from work, so this is a time to relx a bit.
one other question - when my childs father does visit and appears to be very friendly and appears as if he's trying, (but actually we all know he's not genuinely there for the child) how do i act here?
Sometimes i play along and let him carry on (play him at his own game), other times i wind myself and challenge him.
Is it simply a matter of letting it go and leaving him be, as i cannot control him???
thank you,
Personally, I'd leave him be, as in a way, it is choice of how he behaves. so long as the child is safe...
It used to do my head in mind, in my case.
yeh - when iv'e 'let it be' in the past, at times im ok, but other times its done my head in too.
I think playing along is perhaps best for now....As your boy gets bigger then HE will be telling his dad to step up to the mark (heh heh) 
ok, thank you, im anxious as i dont want my son to get hurt. I guess nobody knows the future, i dont know what will happen in terms of contact etc until its here, Ill; bite my toungue :)
Hi pink lilly, I am glad that you were feeling better after the responses to your intial post on this thread, I read this article last week and I wish that all parents could read it :)
It is undertandable that you are anxious for your son's wellbeing, I think we all are when we watch them with their other parent, however if your ex is being friendly and seemingly trying, then this is a good thing. He needs to grow and develop the relationship with his son, you are right we can't control this.
Hi Pink Lilly
I know what you mean. It's wierd how you can be fine for ages then you need something small and you don't have it. My children's Dad does have them every other weekend but even I have points in between where I really need a quick breather. I can't imagine how difficult it is for you.
I too struggle with resentment. It's got a lot better since I have accepted he is the way he is and he won't change. When he lies to everyone and puts on a responsible front it annoys me but recently I have been able to let it wash over me and even at times laugh about it.
Having support from friends helps too. Do you have other people you could call on in this situation? When my exhusband left the children were 1 and 2 and very active. People kept telling me to call my friends if I needed help but I could never bring myself to! I look back now and wish I had.
Being a single parent can be so tough when you hit those crunch points but the other thing i try and do is really notice, celebrate and enjoy all the positives. (I don't have to put up with his moods, I don't have to take him into consideration, I can spend my time how I wish, I can parent how I see fit without asking his "permission" etc.) I don't know if that would help you. Recently I have made a big effort to think about these things and smile. It really seems to be helping!
I hope you can catch a break soon.
Love Gem
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