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Hi Ladies,
Sorry its been a long time since i was online, have been busy with life in general.
Need some advice about my ex, he has started being nasty to me again, and i have recently found out that he has been calling me names and threatening to be voilent towards me in private emails between him and his sister. He is also planning to take me to court in order to get more access to his son.
To bring youup to date with what has been going on since i was last online. I have started a course with Homestart which because of his actions now, i may not be able to work for them as i would be seen as someone who needs help rather than be able to offer it and would be of no use to them, I am liasing with the co-ordinators about what can happen and how they can help me continue on the course and get me started but it does look like i may need to put it on hold and re do the course until after everything has calmed down.
My ex also cancelled 4 visits to his son, over a 4 week period in october, apperently they were my fault. The 1st cancellation was apprently down to the fact that i took M to sheffield and he cancelled as he though M would be tired after a trip like that. He is supposed to see M on Monday afternoons after M has attened speech therapy. The 2nd Cancellation was because i mentioned M had not been well and i would need to take him to the doctors and could we play him seeing M by ear as i could not make an appoint for a doctor over the weekend and had to wait till monday. The 3rd week he cancelled as he knew he had his baby duaghter with him and he had no one to look after her and would need to bring her with him and stay in my flat which he knew would be unaccatable by me. The 4th cancellation i cancelled as i would not be in the area but offered him an alternative day to join myself and M on a trip to the musuem in which he could take M around while i had a coffee in the coffee shop and he refused on the grounds that i would still be around.
He saw him this week after i informed him i would be in London on which he could see M and have him for 6 hours, and after that he started being abusive and nasty that i cut it down to 4 hours instead. I told him that he would have to deal with the consequences of being nasty to me. M has special dietry needs due to tummy pains, and i now give M a packed lunch to take out with him, his nursery have had to adjust to his new diet and i supply them with certain products that they do not have the budget to spend on 1 child only which i do not mind doing.
Sorry for the long ramble but i am unsure of what i should do now, i have contacted my solicitor and am waiting for a response but i dont know what else i can do in the mean time. Please Help
Hi Mary,
Am still hanging on to those dreams, Homestart have put me in contact with a group who i am going to see on thursday morning about his abusive emails he has been sending me, His cancellations are usually on sunday nights, he did not like it when i done it and threw one of his tantrums as you have put it and sent abusive emais again. Gonna get legal advice from you link in the morning and get all my bases covered as a pre-caution
Good idea, spanish gothic. Knowledge is power, I've found - you can't have too much of it.
Post when you can to let us know how things are going.
i will do, was really enjoying my course with homestart and could not wait to start, oh well, the do say good things come to those that wait
Hi spanish gothic, yes you are right things do come to those who wait. It is unfortunate timing, however there will be a next time and this does need to be sorted.
I hope that you are keeping and recording all abusive stuff, as it may come in useful in the future.
It sound as though you have a good team there with Homestart and I agree with rudimentary mary, you can never have enough knowledge and support, so reach out all you can.
Does your son seem bothered when his dad doesn't turn up?
My son does not seem to care anymore, because I will always do someting with him instead, and now with a new memeber to our little family coming in the form of a dog, he will not really mind if his dad turns up or not.
Have kept everything from him, his family and his girlfriend so i have all of that logged plus copies of it safely stored away just in case.
Found out he wants joint custody of M, doubt the courts will even look at that because we live in a small town and he lives in central L**** and M is getting to the stage where he will be in full time education as of spetmeber 2013
Thanks for the suppport
That's what we're here for, spanish gothic.
Ah, what kind of dog do you have? I bet your son adores him/her.
Do you know which school you will be enrolling your son in? It felt like such a big step when A started school - a time of possibilities for both of us. How are you feeling about your boy being in full time education?
We are getting a retired greyhound, the difference a dog makes in my son's life is so good. he adores his abuelita's dogs to pieces and it only felt right that we get one know as i know they are great company for children who go into themselves, the perfect best friend. 
i am looking into a catholic school as my family are all catholic and my son has be baptised. but it is a decision i will make with his father, i have sent him emails of my intentions of putting M into full time education and want his input, it will help my case if he does not co-operate with thw choice, I am happy for hime to go full time, especially if i want to go back to uni/ work and the goverment tell me i will need to when M is 5 as that is the cut off point now for income support. plus i am going crazy being stuck at home all the time
Ahh getting your dog sounds exciting, when is it coming?
It sounds as though you are trying to include M's father, such a shame that he is not responding.
It certainly is a new era when they start school. You metnion Uni or work, what sort of thing do you do, or would like to do?
Hopefully in a few weeks, have to go through the home checks then the dog can come home. Yay.
I am trying to include him but he is proving difficult. Have spoken to a solicitor about it today and they have reassured me that i am doing the right thing by coming to them, they also said it is highly doubtful that joint custody will be awarded as we live too far apart for it to be suitable for M. They also informed me that i should contact the police about his abusive emails so that it is on record for when it is needed.
Looking at going back to uni to do midwifery, but at the moment i have had 4 rejections from uni's, so am looking at maybe doing an online A level pyschology course as i would like to be able to offer counselling to bereaved parents after a still birth/ miscarriage/ death of a baby in neo natal units. I know there are positions available for specially trained midwifes called bereavement midwifes and they are trained specifically to help mothers through this tough time, and also frees up normal midwifes for main line work. But until then i was thinking maybe getting a casual or part time work in hotels again, especially as i am trained in that area.
It sounds as though life is full of possibilities for you in the near future, spanish gothic. I remember you saying you aspired to being a midwife before - it sounds as though you've really looked into it as a career option. I'm sure you'll reach your goal.
I wish we had the time (and space for a dog). A told me a few years ago that if we got a greyhound (we'd seen one in the street, I think), she would call it Neville 
thats so cute, i have always grown up around them and absolutely love dogs so it is only natural that i get one
Cant wait either, my ex is getting stressed out by the fact i dont listen to him or do as he says anymore, its really quite interesting watching him squirm and threaten me with legal action
Hi spanish gothic, well done you for 'not listening' and taking control, it can be tough but you need to feel confident with what you are doing.
Bereavement midwives sounds interesting.
What will you name your dog, do you know, or will you wait until he/she moves in wtih you?
i think i will wait till the dog moves in, depends on what it has been called in the past as well as they are retired greyhounds and used to their names already.
i thinnk this country needs more bereavement midwifes, we have the highest baby death rate in europe and a lot of people i know through support groups were fobbed off after their babies died and the midwifes ignored them untilit was time to send them home.
Surprise surprise his dad is running an hour late again, if hes not late he cancels, I need to take control of something and why not start with me and m.
Oh I really didn't know that we had the highest baby death rate in europe, do we know why? The after-care sounds shocking too.
Has his dad turned up yet?
yeah, he's turned up. he is currently trying to build the birthday present he brought M.
it is mainly down to the care we recieve while in labour. Our midwives are stretched thin and unable to spend time checking everything over in both clinics and labour wards. I think they have one of the hardest jobs around, and the goverment do nothing to make it easier. also the uni's dont help in terms they only take maybe 20-30 students a year. I know from a talk at sheffield, half of the first year intake will be off on leave at the end of the summer term. thats what i call a waste of money
Hmm thats not good is it.
I hope M is happy with his birthday present and your ex doesn't get too frustrated with it.
he has seen the box and is pestering his dad to get it up. Its a train table.His dad has already broke 1 piece. its quite funny to watch. it has taken him nearly 2 hours to put it together and its still not finished
Oh dear, ex may get a little short tempered then. I hope everything remains calm. At least you are not having to do it - although, you might be a dab hand!
ok, so a quick up date,
Have spoken to my solicitor now, and in order to keep the peace between us, i have agreed to go to mediation again :(. However she has recommended that i get a residency order, this will help M in the long run by giving him the stability he needs and deserves, which he is currently not getting with his dad coming and going every time. His dad can agree or dis agree with this and it will then be up to the court to decide who is more stable and has M's interest at heart. Thank you speech therapy team and health visitor, in this case will show me as being the more stable and the one more interested in my son's well being, his health vistoe has met his dad once and speech therapy team have never seen his dad yet.plus have emails inviting his dad to attend but his dad declining. Hopefully he will see sense and sign the order.
His dad decided he was only going to see M for an hour this week, nice to know he can still fit M into his day to day life. Spent three hours of travel time to see M for an hour, he claims he was ill, yet i found him dozing on the sofa, when M wanted a drink and come to find me, am glad i did not go food shopping now. if he was not dozing he was texting his g/f or talking on the phone to her. to stress again he was only here for an HOUR.
Sorry for the rant.
No worries, rant away! It sounds as though you have things under control your end spanish gothic. Well done you!
Thanks Anna, if things were not controlled i would be driven mad,
Hey spanish gothic,
Good to 'see' you on the boards again.
I'm sorry to hear your ex has put a bit of a spanner in the works with regard to your potential position with Homestart. Sounds like you are keeping channels of communication open with them and it seems as though accepting there will be a delay in your plans may well be the best way to view it (for now).
I will be very surprised if a court gives much credence to his request for more access; as I recall from your previous posts he had disappeared at one point and he is now cancelling arranged visits with your son (- and I'm presuming with very little notice?)
Reading between the lines of your post, it sounds as though he has 'wobbled' you a bit. Is that the case? His behaviour sounds quite controlling too - if he doesn't get what he wants, he has a bit of a tantrum (and threatens you, says he will take you to court etc.)
You've done the right thing in contacting your solicitor. You could run the situatiuon past our legal expert too if you wanted; I've inserted a link here.
I feel that the important thought for you to hang onto is that you and your son are now a unit of your own making - and hang onto those dreams you shared on the boards a little while ago. They're important.
Mary