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I'm 18 and my brother is 21. My father has never made a payment through the CSA, and hardly paid a penny to my mother for mine and my brothers upbringing bar a arrangement of an agreed £100pcm to my mother from my father which lasted two years until I moved in with my father for 2 years.
Recently my mother was sent a letter by the CSA saying that my father should pay £1,300 for myself
My mother has said that the money is hers as she is the one who has provided for me and my brother since their seperation 16 years ago. Whilst I understand this I think that the money should be spilt between myself and my brother to compenstate for all the birthdays and christmas's we have missed out. My brother decided to have no contact with my father and I have been having contact for a number of years now and at the ages of 18 and 21 we both support ourselfs and pay rent.
I think it is absolutly beyond selfish for her to keep the money for herself especially now that we are both adults.
I would love to hear from anyone who has an opinion on this and let me know your views.
Hi heartofoak. Yes, it is very sad that you didn't get presents off your Dad as you were growing up, but that is because of him, not because of your Mum. It was his choice. My son 9, doesn't get anything either, and I receive no maintenance, and he doesn't see my boy, but this has been his choice, just like your Dads. It is extremely hard being a single Mum, as I'm sure you'll appreciate. Financially, it is a hell of a struggle, whether you're working or not. From my point of view, every penny is spent on my son. I cannot go out willy nilly and treat myself to much. I wear the same clothes that I have for years, my son is growing all the time, so obviously he comes first, just as I'm sure you and your brother did too. School trips, after school stuff, all costs money, as well as a heap of other things. I actually think your mum deserves this money.
Dear heartofoak
Im sure your mum missed out on a lot of things to provide for you. This is backdated money, money that she should have had to buy you things when you were younger. Im sure she bought you those things and went without herself. She should have this money now to make up for that. You are young and can easily work long hours and get more money for yourself. To be honest, its not really a huge amount, and I dont think you should grudge your mum having it.
Hi heartofoak
I agree with the replies you've had, as this is money that your Mum should have had when raising you.
£1300 divided by 16 years seems very little.
My lot do not receive gifts either, but I do give them gifts and cards - as I'm sure your mother gave you.
I'm not sure if your father feels that this money should go to you and your brother which is why you're asking this. However, it is your father who chose not to contribute to your upbringing.
I really hope your Mum enjoys this money that she's owed, and that you and your brother get pleasure from knowing that she has it.
Hello heartofoak
Welcome to One Space. I feel sad that you and your brother think you have missed out on birthdays and Christmases. Child support or no child support, your dad could still have sent you a card and a prezzie! I feel sure that your mum did her very best in the circumstances in which she was placed.
She must have had a hard time bringing up the both of you with no financial support. A recent Guardian article estimated the cost of bringing up a child at just over £200,000, which is pretty stupendous. I think it is unlikely that your mum had £400,000 just kicking around to fund you and your brother, in fact I imagine there were lots of struggles along the way. She will have had to "do without" far more than you two, for many, many years, with all the frightening worries that entails, and I would be surprised if she has no debts. This money will surely help her to get herself on a bit more of an even keel? It is a drop in the ocean towards the costs she has had to bear alone for 16 years.
You mention that both of you pay rent, that is great that you recognise you need to contribute to the household. If you still live with your mum then your share of the bills and the food may well amount to around £400 a month and if you do not pay as much as this then she is in fact still funding you. If you are living independently then you will already have a very clear idea of costs and budgets and can probably imagine the huge challenge that bringing up two children with no help from the other parent would involve.
How fantastic would it be if you and your brother could be generous enough to be glad that your mum has got this bit of money even this late in the day, and could enjoy seeing her either sort out some of her finances, or treat herself to something nice like a holiday; she surely deserves something after all these years!