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Hi it's nearly a year when i found out that my husband is having another affair for nearly 3 years he's been living a double life and in the process using me, abusing me, manipulating me etc. I have given him access to the children anytime it suits him doesn't want to put a structure when to see them and doesn't give a penny to the children. I have now put my foot down and told him that he will only see the children once the divorce is process and he's been granted proper access to them as he is upsetting the children and their routine. Mind you they are so used not seeing him they don't miss or ask for him anymore. Now he blames me that because the children doesn't want to speak to him and only excited to see him when he turns up that i am poisoining their brain and he's texting me calling all the names you can think off. It's challenging enough coming to terms that i am now a single mother and have to move on and for this guy to have the audacity to say all these things to me is just beyond cruel. i am planning to change my no. again for the 2nd time as he is upsetting me so much i kept getting stomach pain bec of the stress that he's giving me. i now need to get a court order to stop him coming near me and the children and i will never deny him access once he gets granted. I never did do anyway its just that i will not put up with his horrible words and i need to take care of myself so i can take care of my children. Is there any chance of me getting court order asap. he travels and over here until Christmas and if he doesn't process the divorce and get access i don't want him to see the children. Many thanks
Hi Malaya
As far as I am aware, it is up to the non-resident parent to take the matter to court to set up contact where the child/ren must be avaiable.
By you refusing access, and with no court order in place at the moment, this would mean that he would need to take you to court.
Even with a court order in place, however, this does not "make" the other parent stick to the court order...
Are you able to download the text messages on the computer to keep? Also keep a diary of what he says.
You need to be very strong, however, and keep any responses child orientated. Do not react to his texts.
My lot still love seeing their Dad. He turns up a couple of times a year. No Court order here. It is unsettling for me, but then my lot do love him.
None of this is easy, sadly.
Hello Malaya
Welcome to One Space 
Sparkling lime has given you some good information. I would also like to suggest that you contact our Legal Expert (click to get the email form to fill in)
Thanks so much for your responses. I don't have a solicitor yet i am going to get legal advice tomorrow and move from there. He doesn't have a place here and if want to take me to court that's fine with me. He's never there for 6 years i've been bringing the children on my own and he only comes and see them when it suits him and acting like the best father every time he's with them. Yes, they do adore and love him and it pains me to see where we are ending how this man could say so many horrible things to me or worst since he's been caught leading a double life. He has nothing to offer the children only to see them now and again that's all he can do nothing else but to torture me emotionally is unacceptable. i need to be well and its making my stomach hurts since he reappeared again wanting to see kids whenever it suits me and because i am not scared of him and feel sorry for him anymore i don't listen and agree to anything he wants and now he realised i mean business and he's very very angry with that. i have all his texts on my phone and emails on my laptop so if it comes to that then i will show the court everything. I feel very sad for my children but they are not asking for him anymore. if he turns up on my doorstep again i will have to call the police. he has a record because he strangled me once and he spent a day in cell.
Hi Malaya, making the decision to Stop Access is one of the hardest things to do. I did it and it was agonising. As you say, if the courts grant access then you will go along with what is decided, but well done you for seeing through all his cruelty and mean words and standing up for yourself. Difficult I know, but it shows just how strong you really are, even though you make not feel it right now.
Good luck today finding out some legal advice. It is great that you have the emails and texts, do keep a diary as well of anything else that happens too, it really helps when it comes to writing a statement.
Let us know how you get on, we are here to support you through this rocky journey.
Hi
Got 14 messages from him today belittling me and calling me names so after my daughters dentist appointment i went to the police station and reported him for harassment. They read his texts and took statement and now i have a crime no. I am now allowed to have any communication with him anymore and contacting a national domestic crime no to get a non molestation order for me. I'm getting there and although they have given me a place to go and see on Monday, i can't wait that long so i am calling the legal advice no as i don't want him to see the children without a court order etc. will keep you posted.
Well done Malaya for taking the step and going to the police station, it is a very scary time, but you took a positive decision to not allow this anymore.
Good luck with the legal advice.
Hi Malaya,
Have you been to G.P. about your stomach problems? I had stomach problems just like you when I first separated from ex-husband. I had to have some Omeprazole for about three months I think, I had to give up coffee and spicy food too.
best wishes
hi well i do understand what ur going thru, my ex was leading double life,found out in court,he tuk me court aver acess to our 2 yr old little girl, cafcass told me he ad never left his girlfriend and ad new baby i new nothing bout, and found out bout his violent criminal past,court order hes not allowed contact, and had cafcass report in, hes not allowed contact,glad,but feel sorry for my little girl, have u got a soliciter hun i have one, are u entitled to legal aidx