I yet again cannot find my post!well fam rights e mailed back and said can only help with childrens welfare!still waiting on legal expert,have daughters friend stayin with me at mo but taken on too much,the pain of my son is getting worse,he wont know me now and xmas in my face,had a job that i desperately needed but cant work,shake not sleep and cracking up
Hi Sally ,well legal expert says i can apply to court and get fees back but i will have to travel to Cornwall,I just cannot afford it,had letter from ss yesterday confirming my son moved away and to go citizens advice,I am in bits today as usual as it halloween and my friends wanted me to go trick or treat with them but too upset as I should be doing it with my son,I didnt have him last year either,my ex wont even send me photos,I dont understand the cruelty of it,meant to be on a course today but had to cancel
Hi lorraine43, i'm sorry that this is happening to you.
How often are you going to be expected to travel down to Cornwall? Going to the Citizens advice centre is a good idea they may also be able to suggest if there is a grant that you can apply for that will cover you for some travel expenses, whilst you try to manage your money for future trips.
Would social services be able to get photos for you?
Hi I have heard they cannot be bothered to pass things on and I am living with no money at all at mo as £2000 overdrawn,benefits were paid in and cannot get them from account so trying to sell all I can at mo,I am afraid that since I were last on here I sent my ex nasty messages again and am now staying with a friend as I will be arrested for it as I am on a 2 year conditional for the same,I just cracked up completely this time and I cannot help it where my son is concerned and been 3 months almost since I saw him,I dont really have any hope at mo but do appreciate the advice and so nice to know people care
Hello again, I am sorry to hear about what is going on right now, and hope that there won't be any consequences for you from the messages. Try not to send any more as it just gives him more evidence to use against you. In the meantime do go to your local Citizen's Advice Bureau as you need help to sort out your debt, they can write letters for you etc, and maybe you need another bank account for the benefits to go into so you can get them?
I'm really not surprised your cracking up without your son right now honey.
OMO you need to gather up the last bit of strength you have to fight for some regular contact as the way I see it is not seeing your son is not a good place, I know its hard for you iyou feel defeated, betrayed and like hes won, for your sons sake I believe you can do something to reinstate contract with him although I don't know your full situation.
First things first, you need to change bank accounts you need to do this now, you can go to any bthat they will let you open a basic account.
Second you need to understand that each text you send to your ex is just a step back in seeing your son, every time you send one your putting him further out of your reach, if you feel like sending him one I s suggest you come on here and write it here let us have it instead no ones gonna judge you.
do get on to SS and ask them directly or write in response to their letter to request a photo's
you can do this, look after yourself x
Thankyou all,managed to sell my bedroom tv for £80 but had to duck and dive to my so called home,Letter from SS said he out of area so it not their problem anymore!,I will make sure they are exposed for not telling me my son was moved away but still waiting for their directorate to contact me(following correct procedure),have sorted out account but annoyed bank got benefits,havn't had eye on the ball ,so consumed by my son,tomorrow am returning to my course which is obligatory by job centre,have been silly risking arrest but I have not really cared,thankyou all again
Glad you feel more sorted out now, lorraine43, do get an appointment with Citizen's Advice as soon as you can re money.
Well I have tried to stay strong but I cant,not been to my course since Mon and been drinking,my ex refuses still to send news of my son and has kept his phone off,pretty sure he will change his num next,I never stop thinking about my son,I am consumed,I drink,not eat and missed doctor appointment n now have to wait until 18th,I felt suicidal Tues night as it was bonfire night and I missed a second year withmy son.I have to face the reality that I will never see him again,I cannot afford to travel to Cornwall and would have to stay over,I only get £71 @ a week,y wont he send me a picture of him,I am not coping with my ex's cruelty,part of me is missing and I feel haunted
Lorraine43, this situation is so awful for you and I guess there are two choices. One is to let it affect you so deeply that you drink, you don't eat, you miss appointments, you don't attend your course, you feel suicidal. This is the path you have been going down. If you continue to go down this path then it lets your ex win.
The other choice is to decide to fight this and the first steps along the way start with your own life, you need your life to be such that if this case is looked at to see if it suitable for you to care for your son, the answer will be a loud YES. So the choices that you have been making all take you away from improving your life, do you see what I am saying? So if you choose to take the first steps towards seeing your son again then you need to attend the course, phone for a GP appointment and say you need to see someone more quickly than the 18th, Start eating again, just a little if that is all you can manage, get some help with your drinking (see this website) and when you feel really down, phone the Samaritans (click to see) day or night so you don't feel so alone in your despair.
You can do this, Lorraine43, the first step is the hardest and I know you want to reach your goal of seeing your son again, each little step along the way is in the right direction
Morning lovely how are you today?
Im sure it feels like it can not get any worse for you right now, it can get better I'm sure , I understand you drinking to block out everything it helps you for now, it won't help long term though same adoor don't help me long term.
im here holding your hand
please call Samaritans as Louise said they are very very good and can support you through this you don't have to deal with on your own.
look after yourself
go eat something and get some sleep x
thank you all,I didnt drink for months even through court case and because no restraining order was put on me I sent two gifts recorded to my son,My x informed me by txt he had moved n that was after me sending txt first -it was 'oh i have moved away',he never had any intention of telling me and I now realise it were all planned,I looked Samaritans up before but they are now an 0845 number and I cannot afford ,there e mail does not work either,I coped when I could send things but now that boy thought his Mum walked away and he would have changed dramatically,my friends all have boys of same age and altho I need their support it is also a painful reminder of not having my son and looking at all the Xmas gifts and plans.I did manage to complete two assessments today at my course ,I dont think GP will see me urgently as this depression anxiety is ongoing,they wont give me sleeping tabs because of a suicide attempt March 2012,thankyou all for your ongoing support x
Hi Lorraine43
Re. the Samaritans, if you go to this link http://www.samaritans.org/branches you can search for your nearest branch. They may have a regular phone number which is cheaper to call. Also, you could try the mental health helpline - 0300 5000 927 - which is run by a couple of charities. I think 03 numbers cost the same as 01 and 02.
Re. the GP, you need to get an emergency appointment. If you're feeling suicidal, not eating etc. they need to see you urgently and adjust your medication/put you on meds. Do not think you are not worth it. You need to make positive steps forward and going to the GP is part of that.
Re. your LO, have you thought about keeping a journal or a scrapbook? You could write a little letter to your son each day. You could keep it as a record of what you are doing that is positive to get yourself together so you can get him back. You could also put in there info about what you would be doing with him if he was with you - for example, where you would take him at Christmas etc. I would want to create something like this for my own benefit but also to show my son in the future.
I can't imagine how painful it is to be seperated from him like this. Louise is right, you do have a choice. It's not an easy one, but there is a choice. Don't give up, you can do it.
Gem
x
One question I forgot to ask - is your son safe with his Dad? Do you think he is being well looked after at least?
x
Hi Lorraine43
Well done on completing your assignments and when you say that you did not drink for such a long time, that shows me you are strong and you have it in you to come back from this awful time.
So many fantastic ideas from GEM, it feels like a possible action plan is coming together if you choose to use it
1. Get the number of your local samaritans branch so you have it handy, Gem has posted the link above. The email...if you click on their link it wants to use different email applications but you could email direct from your normal email account to the address which is jo@samaritans.org
2. Ring your GP first thing Monday and tell them you need to be seen quickly, that you are very depressed and cannot eat. In the meantime if you think you are at risk of hurting yourself do not hesitate to go to your local A and E
3. Start your scrapbook for your boy this very weekend
4. There is an organisation called MATCH (click to see) that supports mums apart from their children. It costs £15 a year to join, £9 a year for those on benefits....I know even £9 is not possible for you at the moment, but reading the site might be of comfort and help you feel less alone
How do you feel about this for a plan?
Thank u yes I will start this scrapbook,I need to do something,I know that my son will be at his dad's X wifes Xmas day but I refuse to send anything there,they would not give him things from me,Gem I voiced my concerns to ss in past about my ex's health but they havnt listened,it is so unfair that I just cant get a solicitor,I am going to put gifts under my tree for him and take pics and hang his named bauble I got him for 1st Xmas,I just worry I will start sending nasty txt Xmas I dont seem to be able to control myself
You can do this! If you feel like sending a nasty text write it down on a piece of paper instead. Be as nasty as you like,be as angry as you like, swear as much as you want, but don't send it. Or say the words out loud to a picture of him.
What would your motivation be to send a nasty text? To hurt him....I guess. But it won't hurt him, it just gives him more evidence to use against you.
Thank you Loise,I have laid off the drinking today and got myself some cakes lol,will start my scrap book on Monday as I dont think I can get one where I live,if I dont drink I wont txt him so it's best all round,I am going to do my housework and do some letters to my creditors instead of laying in bed hungover,I will have a look at that sight when I pick my laptop up nxt wk as I am using my tablet and it's straining my eyes Thanks again
That sounds extra fab, lorraine, it is so hard I know but sort of a vicious circle as you say. Hope you enjoyed the cakes. How are you feeling this morning?
Well have started on a bottle of wine,had such a bad night,dream of my son yet he wont look like that anymore,I really trying but it hurts me,I never stop thinking,I have sent txt to ex partner not nasty but wont acknowledge me,quick enough to send police to my address in past but not photos of son,he knows if he ignores me it will fire me up into getting nasty and therfore arrested,I fighting a losing battle
Take it easy honey,I would strongly suggest you delete his number but I have the feeling this is something you would not consider?
Please do not send any more texts, Lorraine, especially if you have had a drink. As you say, you will end up getting the police involved again.
Hi Lorraine
Is there anything in place where he must send you photos/letters etc?
And vice versa is there anything in place where you can send things?
I can't understand why you would need to be entirely cut off but then I don't know the court system.
Communicating with him is a very bad idea. What does the court order say?
Gem
x
Hi everyone there has never been a court order and you cant get legal aid,police wont help told me to go ss but as he out of area there nothing they can do,no point deleting his num as it on ss reports so can easily find again,i got in a state again yesterday ,my friend had to come pick me up and my daughter saw me in a state,she was crying so bad,she rang my ex crying to see her brother but he ignored it.I shouldnt txt him but I try to tell him the pain I am in,I have had to take day off course todaybecause I shake so badly with nerves and today I am e mailing ss in Cornwall to see what they can do,mobile phone bill £80 so that means no mre phone calls for me
Hi how's things today? I hope your feeling a bit better, hope you managed to Email SS ?
Can I ask how he got residency of your son without an order?
Well i feel very down but not drinking,ss gave my ex residency because of drinking over year ago but never went to court,this is why he has moved so far to put my son out of my reach for good,I hadn,t hardly drank between Jan n June but I started again when all this happened but only for a month then ok again until bout four wks ago when receiving txt to say he moved,I am not coping with my pain ,it will be exactly 12 wks Thurs I last saw him,I want a photo of my son but he wont send one
Please do get a doctor's appointment, Lorraine43, as they may be able to put you in touch with a counsellor as well as seeing if there is ay medication that would help you to cope beter.
Hi Lorraine43
Do you still have parental responsibility?
Hi yes I will be asking for counselling but Doc wont see me urgently as my depression gone on for so long,Had to do one of my maths assessments 5 times today but passed in end.My solicitor when I were arrested said that PR is automatic when I his birth mother,Have e mailed Cornwall Ss but but I dont expect to get anywhere,I bought my scrap book today,when laptop come back from repair gonna start it from his birth,missed around 6 month in all so will fill in the gaps for my boy
So PR has not been taken from you?
im sorry to ask lots I'm trying to understand your situation
So did you agre to Sto that your ex care for your son?
im pleased your doing the scrap book ;) I think it's a great idea x
Great that you have got the scrapbook, it is such a fab idea.
You do have automatic PR if you are the birth mother although a court order can alter this and you would know if there were any moves afoot in that direction.
We have someone from the Family Rights Group on here for one day next Friday, watch out for the thread where you can ask questions of them, we will highlight it to you
Thank you,I had e mail back from ss in Cornwall saying they wont intervene and to get legal advice-one brick wall after another!,good news tho I went to a local drop in centre with friends and I can get free counselling also there is a charity that helps parents whose kids have been taken away abroad but they are goin to see if they can help me,so have made positive steps,checked my house phone when I got home earlier and it was my ex's number but no message,well I dont know what he wanted,initially ss gave my ex residency but nothing was ever signed so I just dont understand how ss can do this,ss in my area have messed alot of families around and there is a big kick up at the moment
Good news about the counselling and hopefully the charity will be able to help you in some way lorraine.
The thread for the Family Rights Group is going to be up on Monday, so do come on and leave a message for them.
Have you left a message for our Legal Expert?
Hello lorraine43
Just to let you know that the Family Rights Group thread is up so please post any questions you have there.....click here to see it
Thank you so much,Well my ex has been ringing my house phone but I just going to log the call's ,no message has been left so can't be emergency,down n all as laptop fixed but they had to wipe it and can restore but need to drop them a disc,another 10 days for that!,means my scrapbook will be further delayed,always problems
You will start your scrapbook in the end. Has your boy's dad called repeatedly?
He has not called repeatedly as nothing yesterday but missed called from his number this afternoon,I had a text to my mobile 3 nights ago pretending it wasnt him ,if that the case why did his number appear on my home phone if were a stranger?,well I been sleeping all day as needed the rest and doctor moro,really drained ,hope everyone ok
You sound tired lovely get some more sleep
come back talk to us soon x
Lorraine I hope your feeling better, let us know how you get on at the doctors today.
I did not make it to doc today,was too exhausted to get up but end of day I know they wont change my meds and I have my counselling Thurs,had two more calls from my ex but he had my daughter's num so cant be urgent,I managed to get to my class today n made a new friend which is cool.Finally got report from Ss meeting I couldnt attend in August,he really bad mouthed me and report also saidthat I can now only have contact thru court which impossible where he is because of danger to my son-the nerve of them after not even hearing my side,well I been good n not contacted him anyway so patting myself on back
Welldone for not contacting him lorraine and it's great that you met a new friend on your course.
So i take that you have to go to court to get contact with your son?
Hi there contact can only be done thru court!,had strange mssg from a friend yesterday saying that her solicitor can take me on under her legal aid? But the government stopped in April?,sounds dodgy to me,I am doing well on my course and finally understanding fractions after all these years,I dont have family but I have so many friends now and if not for their support I would have been no more by now and this site is great and everyone so supportive thankyou
Good that you have found some support. Legal Aid is only available where there has been domestic abuse reported to an agency and therefore you can show that there was so I agree that message sounds dubious.
Last chance to post on the Family Rights Group question thread (click to see it)
Hi there well had my first counselling yesterday and they have given me info of a charity called MATCH that for Mums seperated from their kids,but I am still getting more and more depressedand cant face my study.I sent a fb message to my uncle as I wrote to him a while back about money i owed him,he never bothered to reply and simply told me to take care!,well he knows i have nothing and thought he would talk to my mum who i am estranged from,also my daughter told my mum that my son has been taken but all she said was get me anumber but no offer of support for me,well my ex is pretending his number isnt his anymore!,it is my x birthday nxt weds and he will be up from cornwall to see his kids but there will be no thought of him letting me see my son,i am trying all i can but i just not coping without my son and am starting to alienate everyone even my daughter,i av no money for xmas and cant even sell things on ebay because i no longer have a bank account i can use,i am feeling hopeless and worthless
You are not worthless lorraine43, Good that the counsellor has given you that information about Match have you given them a call to see how they can help or support you?
Did you post a message to the Family Rights Group? todays is the last day they are going to be on here!
I havnt posted to Family Rights as they have told me twice before that I can only get rights through court which we all know without legal aid it not an option,phone calls too expensive so need to do what I can via E Mail,so frustrating that money holding me back
If your having money problems you could try the Money Advice service, there website has a budgeting tool and other resources that might be helpful.
Hello Lorraine I am sorry you are feeling so worthless and hopefully the counselling will help to relieve this. How old is your daughter and does she live with you? it would be a great shame if the trouble with your son also affected your relationship with your daughter. Would you feel able to speak with your mum and tell her yourself how you are feeling rather than hoping other people will spur her into action?
MATCH is an organisation we signposted you to some time ago, hope you are able to get a response to your email
Hi sorry if you have advised me of match before,I must have missed that,no my daughter lives with Dad and has the choice to come home but doesnt want to upset her Dad,I am very hurt by this and I cant even pay her phone bill anymore!,her Dad said if I dont pay it then he will come after me for maintenance,as she been with him a year it will be alot andmy benefits are already reduced for water rates and still have outstanding court fines i cant pay and they impossible to geton phone,asfor my Mum well i told her last year my stepdad abused,she does not believe and changed her number told other members of family who not believe me either,I have been in touch with debt organisations but the long and the short of it is I have to sell stuff,that easier said than done when people are notbuying,I dont have money for heating or anything
I definitely think it is worth getting an appointment with your local Citizen's Advice Bureau as they can help you get organised moneywise, this is causing you a lot of stress and it would be good to get a solid plan.
Hi Lorraine43, you can click this link to find your other post.
Sorry to hear that the Family Rights Group were unable to help, hopefully the solicitor will have better news.
You have so much on your plate right now i'm not surprised your overwhelmed, are you able to go talk with your GP, they maybe able to give you something to help you sleep?