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Looking for advice.
My ex has informed me he can't have the children for a period of time because he is going away. Not asking me, or comminication over what is happening for this period of time. Just informs me he won't be able to take them from x to y as he is away.
That is the last I have heard from him regarding the subject despite me asking for more details and outlining if I am to have them and the costs it would occur.
We have a court order saying that they are to be with him for some of the time he is away. With this court order in place I have built my working life and trying to build my life around it.
I have managed to put somethings in place and I am even willing to adjust and give up if nessacary my specail weekend which was arranged last year to have the children, but it will cost me in the guts of £120.00 to have the children for the period he is away. I can't afford this.
At the moment he has not replied to my emails and the last time he paid for the childminding to cover a period he couldn't have them so I could work, before then I was taking time off work or covering the costs myself which I could ill afford. He said last time it was the first and only time that he would pay for childminding and he wouldn't be paying again.
Where do I stand? If he does not pay, can I claim off him in the small claims court or would a judge look at me as though I am awful for asking in the first place as they are my children?
Can I refuse to have the children (I wouldn't and I know he knows this) in principle as the court order says they are to be with him and he also has to give written permision to school for them to come home to me and not him for the period.
Can I use this period to go back to court and ask for an adjustment in the arrangement and that getting any communication out of him is almost impossible? The court went with what he wanted.
Thanks
Thanks have emailed them.
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Hi
Are you the parent with majority care?
Although I didn't have a court order, ex could cancel at anytime. In theory with an order you 'only' need to make the children available to the other parent. If the other parent chooses not to have contact in theory, the parent with care has to deal with it.
I'm not sure how things stand with shared care.
I had big plans one bank holiday weekend to go to an outdoor concert as it was a weekend when ex was due to have the children. He cancelled. I asked if he would cover costs of taking the children to the concert - naturally he declined...
This is only my understanding however, and hopefully the legal expert will sort it.
hi Sparklinglime
he took me to court for main residency, applied the day after he was arrested for physical assult on me. Long nasty story, the end result was that the judge went with joint residency order with the children coming to me for the majority of time, just.
Which is the one that he ended up proposing and wanted. And they made me out to be completely inflexable with care for the children because I have a 'normal' job and he is self employed with staff.
That was over a year ago, I changed my job took a large pay cut so that I could accomidate these arrangements and the ones that I knew would come. And slowly I have been shown to be right as he has been unavailable more and more of the time. Normally not a problem as he has chosen the times when we are supposed to work it out between the two of us. So I tend to assume that he won't have them and don't make arrangements and have back up plans in place already, even though he breaks the court order. I get more time with them and we get family breaks that way, :) so I take the strain with work and finacially.
This time however he has descided to go directly against the court order which is non negotable, where it is set down in writing that they are his responsiblity during this time. I am not allowed to see them at this time or even phone them, he dicates this and I would have to go back to court to get it in writing that I can in order to do so.
He does not give two hoots for their care or welfare as it has showed that without prior arrangements to who's care they would be in, he booked the time away out of the country.
if I had sole residenecy then again I would be looking at things differently. but I am not legally responsible for them when they are supposed to be with him. Even to the piont I have to have his written permission for them to come home to me from school on his days. If I do not send them to him on those days I can be taken to court and so on.
It is like he has gone to a afterschool club and said I am out of the country on these dates, they have gone oh we have availbality it will cost x amount and he has placed them there and then not paid saying you said you could have them. Don't know why I'm supprised he has court orders for not paying people and still doesn't pay.
This is all his way of controlling as he has just lost his fight with the csa again.
He knows it presses my buttons and he knows that there is little I can do about it at them moment and it makes him feel good.
Hi suneagle this all sounds so frustrating and i can empathise with you being stuck in the middle of these arrangements that you seem to have no say on.
As Louise has already said you really need to seek legal advice on where you stand with the court order and your ex not up holding his end of the arrangements, Ha, have just noticed that you have emailed our expert i hope you get a response soon.
Frustrating is the word suneagle, and I'm sorry you're facing this.
Hello suneagle
This is something you need legal advice about. You can email our Legal Expert by clicking here.
Let us know how you get on, how infuriating that he has made such a song and dance about his time with the children then does not stick to it! Morally, it feels as if he should be responsible for making other arrangements but I do not know what the legal position would be.