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There was a missed call on the mobile I have for The Git the other day (no, I haven't been able to switch it off without worrying too much). I googled the area code and then google mapped it in comparison to where The Git is. Seems it's about an hour from the uni (generally speaking).
I'm figuring The Git could well be asking for the children to go to him for half-term. I'm going to be a bolshi PWC and refuse (if I have the courage). Daughter now doing A levels - lot of work, oldest has work and course work, and the 14 year old starting his GCSEs. Can't think of a ruddy excuse for the youngest!
I figure he has chosen to leave the area. He has chosen to have no overnight contact for over three years, and has chosen to spend no longer than three hours, usually two, when he has decided to see them, and then not on a regular basis.
Are these arguments fair?
Last week MIL told me they would be up for Christmas, staying with them, as The Git doesn't want to miss the children at Christmas (The last two years he has only seen them for two hours on xmas morning for the whole of the holidays).
As you can see, my mind is spinning.
I don't do too well this time of year as October sees Jill and my Dad's birthday, November the anniversary of when my Dad died, and December when my Mum died. Doesn't matter how busy I keep myself, these stupid worries fill my head!
Sorry. Am I being unreasonable?
That's how I've been feeling, but then I would as I'm soft!
Totally agree with the expense side too, but then he'd do something stupid (which was the plan when he was going to marry fiance I and move to be with her in Lincoln) like drive up to get them and then straight back. He'd do this knowing I'd worry about their safety due to him being tired and would offer to meet half way.
I just wish he'd go away. I know that's wrong, evil and horrid, but I do.
**petulant sticky out bottom lip**
You are entitled to a bit of petulance, sparkling. I would feel the same
I quite understand how you feel Sparkling, I would too, or should I say I DO.
At this moment in time I am thinking of refusing contact to ex unless he wishes to travel here to see them WITHOUT GF!
Lets hope they will not be interested in going anyway, then you can relax.
I hope they aren't interested in going Sparkling. I would feel exactly the same as you do. If you don't let them go, then they might hold it against you. As for xmas, I would say that he can see them for the normal few hours that he has done in the past. No way would I let them have dinner or spend longer with him, he hasn't bothered before, so why should now make any difference. Sorry, but had to say that!!
I don't expect they will want to go for more than a couple of hours at Christmas anyway, although maybe grandparents would be an added attraction? It will be hard for Granny and Grandad too as they do not always get on with their son either, do they?
They've never been to their grandparents without me. Only because he's never taken them...
I've said this before, but I'll be almost glad when youngest is 18. I think I'll just go away and have Christmas' on my own somewhere then, so they can do what they want.
Always a black cloud over Christmas and birthdays...
I know that these dates are not always good for you, sparkling lime but as time passes you are making new memories together with your children; don't wish the time away, I know it is hard work but there is lots to enjoy about your family life now and even if You-Know-Who has them to stay for a couple of days here and there (a little rest for you?? and if they hate it, they won't go back again), or sees them at Christmas, it is all about you and them, especially now he is out of your hair for 99% of the time
When your youngest is 18, then you're sure to have the older ones children around!!!!
NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
yeah! and then you'll be a mam gu or nain or nine or how ever you spell it.
:)
Come on Sparkling, you'll love it really, hehehe. (lovingly stirring enormous wooden spoon)
Anyway, I'll be living in the outer Hebrides by then. Too far for them to travel
DId anyone else hear on the news that they were about to build a high speed rail/sea link between Wales and the Outer Hebrides, or did I just dream that?
Seriously, that's my dream.
When I left The Git I wanted to move to Invernesshire. My Mum lived there for a while after her mother died (her mother committed suicide when my Mum was 11), and while I've never been to Scotland, it is a longing I have!
To go somewhere where no one knows me or my history. I like that thought.
Oldest was 12 at the time and said to me that he had lost his home and his car, and he didn't want to lose his friends too.
So of course, we stayed.
The high speed link would be for the children to visit you at all times!
...but the idea of making a completely fresh start clearly appeals to you, and why not, sounds like an ambition to aim for. Have you had a browse on the Net to see where you fancy in terms of scenery and lifestyle?
Last year there was a TV programme called Island Parish and it was about life on the Scilly Isles, it was very interesting and looked at different aspects such as work and religion and dating!
The thing that stopped me was housing. At first I had thought I'd come out with over £30k which would have made a move possible. Losing everything put a stop to that.
I don't think that I'd ever be able to make a new start around here. I have to hold on for new hips - when I have those and can walk again, who knows 
I'd like the lifestyle that Doris Day has!
All those cats and dogs and an animal charity...and SIX HOUSEKEEPERS (I would just do that last bit heh heh)
There is planed a new high speed rail link between Frankfurt and Germany just recently been announced.
I'd love a housekeeper...
Don't want a fast train link though
Eldest son and daughter saying they both had a missed call last week, during school/college. They were discussing the code.
Seems it was Northampton, so I told them it must be their father and handed them the phone to ring him. I said that it would be nice to phone in the evening then he could chat with all four of them. I've been very nice.
Inside though, i feel sick.
As he's phoned them at school/college, I just know he's up to something.
Neither wanted to phone him.
I can see Christmas could be challenging. I have known all along a tidal wave will be brewing.
I do know he has every right to... And I know I'll encourage the children to see them. It's just always a dark shadow.
Yes when he went away it felt like a burden being lifted and yet it then means that times like Christmas may be more "trying". I know what you mean about the dark shadow. I myself have described it as an albatross round my neck. It never quite goes away. The good news it that the older the children get, the easier it gets in terms of them making their own arrangements.
Did he phone them Sparkling? Yes it would be nice for him to ring and speak to all four, and it does seem a bit shifty to ring the older two during college hours. Stick to your guns about xmas. They see him for a couple of hours, and then back home to you for dinner etc. It's always been that way, and just because he moved away, you shouldn't feel like you have to change your routines.
xxx
Ah, no wonder you were awake at 5am, the mystery is solved....
I will put my two penn'orth in and you can choose to ignore it if you wish
Personally I think the question would be "do they want to go and visit him?" If yes then they ought to be given the opportunity to do so. You might find that some do and some don't. If they don't want to go then so be it. I agree not for a whole week as they have other things in their lives now they are older, and schoolwork must be done for at least part of the holidays, not to mention your eldest's job. However, if they do go, then guess who I think should be paying the travel expenses? 
Sounds like you are not looking forward to the anniversaries the next couple of months hold. We are here for you, sparkling lime.