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So today I've had non stop txts from my daughters father demanding that she meets his new girlfriend. It was only the other day that he told me he got his girlfriend of 4/5 months pregnant and now he is demanding visits! We agreed at the start of the split that we would not let buba meet new partners until we was sure it was a proper lasting relationship as I didn't want her meeting new people all the time not knowing weather they were coming or going! if I did agree in the future it would be with me there aswell coz father can't have her alone. I feel that meeting her after just 4/5 months of dating is way to soon, just coz she is pregnant doesn't mean it's a serious relationship and we also agreed that buba wouldn't meet her half sibling until she is older...I have tried reasoning with him but he will not have it saying she is his daughter aswell and he can do what he wants....I feel problems are never ending with him and he is just put to cause problems and Agro to my life- if I quite frank I don't even believe he has a girlfriend let alone one who's pregnant as the due date worked out she has a total of 11 months pregnant haga, he's a compulsive lier and would prob just bring a female mate with a pillow up her top lol
I don't have a problem with buba meeting her but I do have a problem with it at the moment as he's been with her a few months and it's not even a serious relationship, he needs to be a dad himself and be there for his kid before I start letting his new girlfriends meet her. My issue ain't with the gf she could be the nicest girl in the world. My problem is he don't even stick to his visit dates, skips a month at a time then demands things !
Oh Tinkerbell2
You must be so fed up of the constant moving of the goalposts! He really does seem to chop and change. Would you have the girlfriend round at your house?
I don't want to sound like an old cynic but I have heard of so many parents who make these really sensible and worthy agreements, only for one of them to break them the minute someone new comes along.
I feel at the end of the day it's him who has messed up over & over, he has never been a father to our daughter or put her first so why should I once again go out my way. I think 4 months is way to soon for his girlfriend to be meeting our buba, pregnant or not! if things were different and he showed he was a good father i wouldn't stop buba meeting her or her sibling but she needs a relationship with her own father before bringing other people into the picture! I don't want her in my family home this soon, I'm all for it in the future once I know it's a proper relationship which I happily explained to him & the then agreed. If the gf is pushing for this then she needs to butt out as buba has nothing to do with her, she's OUR daughter and it's the same the other way round with their child. 4 months of a relationship is way to soon to be pushing demands and WAY to soon to interduce children. Obv coz of her fathers behaviour buba won't be meeting the baby for a long time to come due to him not even turning up for half the visits so I'm not putting myself out for him!
Tinkerbell2, I was married for 20 years and had four children with him. Going by what you have said about him, with that type of character the goal posts will always be moved and you will be the one who has to deal with it.
He will always be part of your life as he is your daughter's father.
My lot have had to meet girlfriends who quickly became fiance's (to be fair, he did marry the third). Personally, I don't think four months is too soon, as to him and her they probably think its forever.
He will turn up whenever - just as my ex does - and it will upset you - just as my ex does with me.
I totally know where you're coming from with your disappointment - and as you can see in chat, even after 8 years I still get mad.
I actually call the children "my" children since, when I was 20 weeks pregnant with my fourth child, and he didn't move for days, my ex told me I was stupid for being worried. Yep, thank God he was right, but that's the moment I realised that he didn't really care instead of actually doubting that he didn't care.
What he does is enough to look good with his friends. He sees the children and weeps when its time to say good bye so they're moody and angry when they come home and then doesn't need to think of them for a long time.
I know I'm ranting on your thread here, but because you love your daughter, you will accommodate his stupid whims and let him see her, because you know your daughter - as my four do - need their 'other' parent in their lives.
On his last visit he didn't even say bye to me or daughter- just got up and walked out-dick.... I see where your coming from but how does he expect for gf to meet buba when he isn't allowed buba alone due to his behaviour & neglect when she is in his care. Why should I have to let her in my home so soon? My father had different girlfriends all the time and I was always under the impression "this is his new wife" NO WAY am I having that for my daughter, weather he feels he has been with her a life time, 4 months isn't long at all & he needs to be realistic and put his child first, say this relationship doesn't work (lord I hope it does for babies sake) and he finds another gf, am I ment to let each new gf into MY house after just afew months to meet our daughter?? Can u imagin if I said to him I have a new bf and we are all coming to your house with buba for a visit lol
If it were me, I would be telling him that if he wanted to contact he now needs to arrange it in a contact centre where he would be supervised.
I wouldn't be letting him, never mind her, into my house. Perhaps if there was a relative you trusted, but not in my home...
The thing here is though that your daughter is a baby. She won't be affected by this at the moment as she is too you.
Personally, I'd be at a point of telling him contact centre or nothing, and I'm happy for you to take me to court to sort it. You have plenty of evidence to put forward as to why you would want contact in a contact centre.
You're missing far too much fun with your daughter with the anger and disappointment with this man.
Don't let the fact he doesn't say goodbye bother you though.
He's clearly a git.
I do agree that four months is a very short time for them to be able to say that it is long term, it is usually recommended to be seeing someone for about a year.
Sparkling you have done wonders with what you have had to put with 
Tinkerbell2 yes that is why I asked you about her coming to your house as I know that is what HE does. What do you think about the idea of a contact centre?
I did contact my local contact centre, however they said that I have to be refured by social services! I also contacted social services about the whole "dropping" incident but they said its not enough for them to get involved but they will keep a record of it on file (they also sent me a letter showing I hard reported my concern) so if anything else happens they have everything on file. I am now looking into a residental order (waiting for solicitors to get back to me) of course if his behaviour carriers on I will seek court. Even thou he is a terrible father I feel strongly that it's her choice if she wants contact with her father or not when she's older but as a mother I will step in if need be.
It was agreed that buba wouldn't meet my fella until we knew where the relationship was going, I am only slowly JUST interducing them and my ex has nothing to do with my bf- we keep it all separate, partly because I'm the one who left my baby's dad so don't want to rub stuff him his face. If I'm sticking to the rules No Way am I going to change things for him weather our daughter understands or not
Hi Tinkerbell2
It sounds as if you are doing everything possible. Let us know what the soliciitor says about the residential order
Hi
Just wanted to say I had the same thing.. He had had numerous girlfriends and wanted to introduce a new one nearly every week! I was so concerned that his inconsistency with the children would really affect them psychologically, I restricted his access. He took me to court in the end.
When we went to court they said I had no cause to restrict access just because he changed his girlfriend all the time so reluctantly I had to let them go, much to my annoyance. Anyway, needless to say I was right about him and in the end he married a woman ( after a few months) who had 5 children and conveniently forgot all about the children we have. He disappeared and we haven' t heard from him in a year, no phonecalls, letters, birthday cards or christmas presents or maintenance.Some men are complete idiots!
Thank you for sharing your story,sulu arecompletely right some men are idiots and it isn't fair on the children to feel rejected. Why go to all that effort of him taking you to court just to later lose touch all together! pointless! !Latest my end is my daughters father txting me saying he made up the girlfriend/baby out of spite as I called him a disgusting father, I didn't reply to the txt as I would of given him some more home truths.......then about 4 hours later recieved another txt from him saying she was real and he didn't send the txt 4 hours before, someone else did....I again didn't reply to this and have kept all txts (took photos and printed them off) I won't mention it on his next visit and am pretty sure he ain't all there in the head now. Why on earth would someone go to the trouble of stealing his phone and txting something like that? More lies no doubt! Weather his girlfriend is real or not, I don't care, I have my own life so it's about time he focused on his child and not childish games!!
Tinkerbell2, well done you. You sound very much in control of the situation and you are not going to be messed around with by your ex. I am glad that you are not spending hours contemplating whether his girlfriend is having a baby or not, whether she is even real or not. As you say, you have better things to be thinking about!
Hi VictoriaC, welcome to One Space, thanks for your input. How annoying to have been taken through court, made to do something against your will, only for you to be right in the first place. I am sorry to read that, it can can be so demoralising to be questioned over your decisions regarding the children.
However your ex showed his true colours in the end, I look forward to talking to you more, have you started your own thread? I will go and have a look.
Hi Tinkerbell. I guess the bottom line is the new girlfriend will eventually meet your daughter, and probably not a lot that can be done. How is he doing on the visits lately?