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hi i know i havnt been on here for a while , but i really feel like i need someone to talk to , i am going through the court process and have had cafffcass viisits and am due my last visit tommorow before he writes his report , ex has denyed all allegations against him and made allegations against me , caffcass have said its going to go to a fact finding hearing, im really feeling the pressure and im not eating or sleeping i feel on the vurge of bursting in to tears but havnt done yet , i kno i will fall to peices on the stand and i think im gona break down tommorow aswell cos i keep stopping my self from bursting in to tears , im finding this so hard, ex is also ina new relationship and has lied about it im not sure weather i should tell caffcass , i kno i havnt been on here a while but for some reason wasnt getting email notifications but have changed my settings so hopefully will get them through now, i feel like he is winning cos i feel like he,s breaking me and i know he wont stop here he is going to carry on and on and on once this is over he will take me back to court for shared parenting and then possibly again for custody , he neva gona leave me alone i feel like running away
thanks louise , im just so scared they,ll beleive him and not me , ex is with his next door neightbour who is 17 yrs younger than him is a ex drug user and has had a child took off her but now has another baby that he is playing daddy to, he is trying to make out he is the victim even his statement was inconsisitant but caffcass said it doesnt matter cos it was stuff he was already convicted for its stuff tha happend after that that is the issue, but the point is he has lied about the previous dv that he was convicted of so surely this shows he,s a liar but i still have to go through this , he shouldnt be allowed to do this, i have had 2 caffcass visists so far an tommorow is my last i have been sooooooooo nervous on the 2 previous visits that my mind has just gone blank , i feel my self shaking i get so nervous , its so hard , i have no one to come to court with me and the last time i had to take lil one with me :(
It's not easy at all but hold on in there you can and will get through it you can find some strength their your children and it's your home,
I would recommend writing a few shorts things tonight you may want to say? I know it's your last visit have u said all u wish to?
If you decide to write it from a child's best interest point eg if you take your child to a club or swimming avoid saying his dad never takes him / her to his club etc say that you maintain his club or simler.
Try to sleep eat what you can and just reasure yourself that it's going to get better and it's not like this forever x
I'd say a good cry tonight would be perfect ;) not that we can turn our emotions on like a tap but better out than in ;)
X
thanks imdoingthis , i seem to lay awake my mind running over time thinking of things and then when it comes to writing them down i cant think straight , im gona take my notepad to bed with me tonight, lil one is only 13 months and ex hasnt had any unsupervised contact ...yet x
Wishing you well today
Take some deep breaths honey and smile you will be ok x
not sure how it went really ex is throwing so much dirt, no doubt another sleepness night ahead x
Hi anonymousmum, things can look different after a good sleep, i hope your able to get at least a couple of hours tonight.
Were you able to come up with a list off somethings that you wanted to say?
Do you have a court date or are they waiting for the report to come back first?
Big hug coming your way.
hi how are u, when u in court, ive had 3 court hearings so far, and 3 cafcass reports, wish it was over with,my ex so far asnt bin allowed any contact at allx
hi keira 3 caffcass reports ? i had 3 visits , caffcass has recomended a fact finding hearing due to ex denying allegations of dv during preganacy they have said that the dv before this isnt the issue as he was convicted for it and done a dv perpatrators course its what happend after that wich is the issue and the judge wil have to decide who is trelling the truth and then they will decide what will happen over contact , im so worried they wont believe me :(( x
I know it is worrying to think about that. Did you have any support from outside agencies at the time who can say that they were working with you at the time of the abuse? Do you have any friends who witnessed the result of any injuries? You need to think about what evidence you can present to the hearing then take it to your solicitor.
my solicitor has said i dont need any statements from any one else , work seen me break down and i attended a agencie when i was pregant who allerted ss over the concern for me and baby , i have just been to see my solicitor and she said i can have a screen or video link whilst i give my evidence , im not sure which if any to go for cos how would the judge see it, the problem with evidnce is there was no physical evidence of abuse on me because things hadnt happend the night before they had been happning over a course of weeks , i have a picture on my phone of marks on my neck but you cant really see my whole face on it x
I would imagine that his previous behaviour will be a factor against him to, and not all DV is about physical violence there are the other aspects of it to.
The judge usual gets to see all the evidence (pictures, reports etc) before the hearing.
what do you think about the giving evidence via video link do you think il still make a strong enough impact x
and the pictures of my neck are on my phone, the police couldnt charge him when he was arrested when i was preg cos i didnt give them enough to go on i ididnt pursue the matter( didnt put in a statement) so he is saying the are false allegations , and theres no evidence of harm from a n e x
I would imagine that either way is going to have an impact it is more about weither you would feel safer to give evidence via video link.
I think that services/courts are more clued up on domestic abuse and how it can effect peoples behaviour your ex has previous convictions for domestic abuse and even though he has attended a perpatrator programme it does not automatically mean that he will not be abusive towards any ever again and they will be aware of this.
I have put this link to a thread from one of our other users, they have been in an abusive relationship and is still going through the court process, you may find it useful.
thanks sally iv just found out he lied to caffcass and me about being in a relationship he has pulised it now and has been in a relationship for nearly a year now , this girl lives right next door to him and i think he may even be living with her and not his mum so if he gets contact at home he will be pretending to be in his mums and will obviousley be next door , cant beleive all the lies and deciet its so hurtfull x
Yes it can be hurtful until we get to that point where what they do/say no longer matters to us but that takes time.
do you think i could ask for a background check on his new partner x
I don't know about what your rights are there, see what your solicitor says or you can email our legal expert (though don't forget they are not back till after the bank holiday)
hi yes the lies and deciet, my ex lied alway thru,he lied to cafacass in the interview,and they no he lied,said he didnt cheat on me, even tho his new bay 6 month younger then our dawter,x
I am not surprised you feel so stressed, the process is really long and drawn out. Yes, you need to tell CAFCASS anything you know that has bearing on the issue and I am sure that you know that dealing with them in a straightforward and calm manner, rather than getting upset, is the best way.
As for falling to pieces on the stand, I reckon I would be prone to this too. Make sure you have someone with you in court, and ask to wait in a separate room so you can be private beforehand. The judge will be very used to the issues, I know they are new to you but they will be something the judge has seen before. You can even ask to give evidence from behind a screen if you fear your ex will be staring at you. You are right when you say that he feels he is "winning" though, if you give up. You KNOW you are thinking of the baby's safety and whatever the outcome you need, NEED, to be able to look back and say I did the best I could.
Take heart, you are nearly there with this bit now and even if there is another case in the future, you have time to gather your strength before then. We are here to hold your hand.