Is anybody there?
Hot sunny days, bbqs and late evenings. These are the days where I miss him most. When he was ok and hadn't drank too much. Four kids, 28 years years living with a bully and since 7th April, I have been free from his bullying. Am I crazy to say I miss him or is it myself thinking of the times we used to have together. Will it get better. The kids are great support, they constantly tell me, it's for the best, well some of them do anyway. I feel upset that I couldn't make a relationship work but should I really be thinking that. I just seem to be questioning myself since I had him arrested with threat to kill me and escorted out of the house. I have good days and I have bad days, does it get better?
Hi Terriofstrelley, So sorry you feel lonely right now. It will get better in time. As Louise says 6 weeks is such short time ago when you left and you have been so long with him, having a family with him and there were the good times that you miss. You can't make a relationship work by yourself, he needed to do his part too.
What you really wanted was a long and loving relationship with him and him just being loving towards you. Whenever I felt I missed him or felt lonely, I would reread the Freedom Programme I have done on here which showed so clearly the dynamics of the relationship. There are also a lot of books on the subject like : "Women who love too much of Robin Norwood", "who is pulling your strings by Harriet Braiker" "Lundy Bancroft "When Dad hurts mom", "Why does he do that," . This helped me not to go back when I felt I couldn't do it on my own.
On here it is a bit quiet right now but usually there is a lot of support and you can talk about what you need to get off your chest. Slowly then it is about selfcare, starting to do things that make you feel good, by taking a soaking bath with candles on and lovely music, for me, starting to make paintings and drawing again, what I could never do anymore as this relationship took all my creativity away, pick up friendships again and go out for just a coffee or a sandwich and if I felt I could not face people, walk the commons and just have a coffee there reading my kindle. Self nurturing things to help the day forward.....
we will listen when you need, hugs xx
Hi
Stay strong and keep busy - if you can...
You can have bbq and picnics with your children, however old they are...
Baby steps moving forward, but please be strong and don't look back.
While it may not seem like it today, it will get better.
Good morning terriofstrelly, how are you feeling today?
we are here if you need to talk ....
Just wanted to welcome you along to One Space terriofstrelley 
it will get better......
Hey terriofstrelley, have there been any improvements on your situation?
Hello terriofstrelley and welcome along.
First of all well done for getting out of an abusive relationship. That takes such strength and determination. You may think it seems illogical to miss him after what he did to you, but hey you would not have stayed all those years if you had not loved him and love is not something you can switch off like a light.
It sounds as if you still remember good things about your relationship and that's Ok to keep those good memories, as long as you keep in your head the certainty that you did the right thing. You could not continue to live like that.
It's still very, very early days, only 6 weeks since this happened. Have you got some support from Women's Aid? Have a look at our online Freedom Programme (click) to read more about the process you are going through. It WILL get better, I promise.