Hello everyone, well this is the 2nd time I find myself on my own, last time my husband cheated on me when our daughter was 8 months old. I was forced back into work so I could pay the mortgage but it was so tough, she was in nursery will I worked fulltime. I had no support emotionally or financially from the father! But I got through a really tough time and divorce and enventually met a lovely guy who was so caring, soft and just everything I had been looking for, I know this sounds silly but I realised I actually could 'love' someone again. My daughter loved him and he loved her, she even called him Daddy which was never forced upon, she obviously thought he earnt the right to be called Daddy, it was going so well. We got engaged and were together for 3 and a half years before I got pregnant............that's where it went wrong...my hormones. I am not the easiest person to live with and I will admit that, but I was awful when I got pregnant. After a MASSIVE row and bits which I can't actually talk about at the moment, we split up and guess what, he went on a stag do the day after for a week. So my daughter and I were left once again, this time I had another little pickle to take care of too. I nearly lost the baby twice and it's just been awful again. I am now nearly 7 months pregnant, work fulltime, daughter is in school and I have a mortgage to pay. He on the other hand lives with his parents and has no commitments, he has totally abandoned us and shut my daughter out from his life, whether this is a coping mechanism or not...she doesn't understand and he is totally selfish for putting his feelings before a 5 year olds. He doesn't ask how I am or the baby and not offered to give me any money to buy baby things. I go to carboot sales and buy all i need for the baby because I just cant support all of us otherwise. It's been so hard because he doesn't want to talk about things and says he is angry> Excuse me!! do I not have the right to be angry too, the minute I raise my voice to him, he either puts down the phone or walks away. I can't deal with this pain anymore, sometimes I just want the family back together and sometimes I just never want to see his disguting little face again. My Daughter really is heartbroken and I feel like I am carrying her pain asweel to try and protect her. We have been apart now for 3 months and things are getting a little easier, or so I think, but then when I see him I breakdown and I feel he uses this as a weapon, to feel in control almost. I am getting closer to my due date and so far I have been to all the midwive appointments on my own which is really upsetting. I just don't know what to do anymore as he dominates my thoughts everyday......
Sorry for such a long post
Thanks Cyclogirl, your comment made sense but also made me burst into tears! You are right they are so immature and selfish and everything always comes first. I am tired of coming second. I know I can do this on my own because I have done it before and raised a beautiful little girl but I am so scared having to go through the last bit of pregnancy and birth on my own. Regardless of how many great friends I have around me I feel so alone and let down by the one person I thought knew and understood me. I really want to be strong for my children as I have been in this dark place before and it's not nice, but this time I am finding it harder, maybe because I am pregnant. I feel the longer his mum is looking after him and doing EVERYTHING for him he will not face up to the problem and take responsibility. Oh well there is really nothing I can do.
Thanks for replying xx
Hi enac. Welcome along to One Space. I'm sorry to hear you're going through a tough time right now, especially when you're pregnant too. It's horrid for your little girl, who thinks of this man as her 'daddy', so as well as your feelings, you're having to cope with her distress etc. It's unfair of him to not see her, but we can't make the men see the children (unfortunately for some of us) Do you have anyone that will be at the birth with you, or do you think he will be there? Is this something you have discussed with him?
Hey, I have my mum who will be there for me and friends will look after my daughter if I need them. It's funn cause no matter how much he has hurt us I can't deny him the experience of watching his son being born as he wants to be there. People think I am crazy but I am going to put my feelings to one side knowing nothing can ever be thrown back in my face. It will be so hard but this is why the women have the babies right? because we can cope with anything thrown at us!!!!!!
Welcome....I think it's lovely of you to let him be at the birth- I never let my daughters father be at birth as he wasn't supportive during the pregnancy (we split when i was 3 months pregnant) so I praise you for putting your feelings aside, that must be a hard thing to do .... It's a shame he isn't making the effort with your daughter, does she knowhow isn't her bio father or is she too young to really understand. Sadly as already said we can't force a parent to see a child ESP when they are not blood, have you thought about where visits will take place with new baby? I'm Only asking as you don't want your daughter to feel her "daddy" doesn't want to see her but is seeing and paying the new baby attention in front of her :( x
Hello enac and welcome
Tinkerbell2 makes a really good point about your daughter's feelings if this chap gets involved with the new baby and not her. You cannot "make" him see either of them but once the baby is born, he is obliged to at least provide some financial support.
It's hard to think about doing it all on your own again but you CAN do it. You talk about your own behaviour and his during the relationship and of course I don't know all the ins and outs of it but it does sound as if it was hard for you to live together. You sound resentful that you have been left with all the responsibility and he is just living a carefree life. I would be inclined to back off now, he will be put on the back foot.
Have you had a look at the money side of things? We have a Money Expert who can help if you have any questions.
I am so gald you have your mum and some good friends, we all need a support network around us and
Hey Enac hope things are ok with you Xx
I reckon if he see's your son born he would have to be inhuman not to be involved! His baby is directly related (half brother) to your daughter who calls him 'daddy' perhaps he needs gently reminding of this 
Stay strong I had a very similar experience although me and my partner stayed together for 12 months after my daughter was born. I thought my ex was exactly as you described but similarly as soon as things got tough after several threats to leave I showed him the door it was clear we would not have lasted. I have been on my own now for 3 and a half years I am happy my children are happy I spend time with my friends and have lots of hobbies. My ex is involved with the children (both his and his stepson) and yours (in time) when the baby is born will more than likely want to. But just beware of living life on a knife edge because its a very uncomfortable ride and not worth it in the long run.We tried again but after living back with his mum and dad he'd reverted back to being a teenager again! Looking back I could see what an arrogant selfish kid he'd always been!
You can make it yourself and after the experiences you have had it is probably best if you enjoy your family time for a bit and leave the immature opposite sex alone for a while. Your children deserve a happy mummy find that in yourself