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Well an update to my previous thread a few weeks ago.
My son has now been remanded in custody until at least end August. Everybody said if it finally happened I would be relieved as I would know where he was etc and I believed that. But in reality it is a lot harder to cope with than I ever imagined.
It feels as though my heart has been ripped out and has done since he went 2 weeks ago. We have managed to visit him and I felt a bit better after knowing he was ok and getting on with things. Even doing some training, which is more than he did out here.
But on a day to day basis I have been having panic attacks, bursting into tears for no reason and just cant seem to function properly. I have tried keeping myself busy but to no avail. I am hoping the longer it goes on the easier it will get.
My daughter is understandly upset but we are trying to support each other. I was reducing my anti depressants but have taken the decision to go back up for now until things settle down.
I have written to him and made sure he knows what we out here are going through. He says he wont be going back and I have said if he does then I want nothing to do with him...but how realistic is that. He is my son! and if it were that easy I would have disowned him years ago.
Thank you tiredmum. It is much appreciated.
I suppose there is absolutely nothing we can do until he comes out so will just have to get on with it. I am in the process of trying to find a forum maybe with people in the same situation. That may help.
I think louise may be able to help you there, she will either be along later or certainly in the morning, please do keep checking.
I hope that you can find the support that you need and that your son might also receive the help that he needs so that he can stop this downward spiral xxx
How about having a look through this site xxx
www.supportline.org.uk/problems/offenders_family_support.php
Thank you will do x
I hope you find some support take care of yourself and your daughter and please let us know how you are getting on. xxx
Hi Sam1j. Knowing what your son's outcome would be doesn't lessen the blow does it. You say you're crying for no reason, but you're crying because for now you've lost your son, and it is like a grieving process that you're going through. I truely hope that his time inside will straighten him out, and put him back on the right track.
As for you and your daughter, you have to try and focus on the both of you now. It'll take time for you to adjust, so don't be too hard on yourself. It's a good idea to look into other forums too. Best of luck with that. I'm sure you and other parents can help each other through, and of course we, here on One Space, will also offer our support. Take care. xx
Hi sam1j
I have been thinking about you and wondering how you were getting on.
Yes there will be part of you that is relieved as the agonising wait is over but of course your overwhelming emotion will be distress, as well as shock and maybe even blaming yourself......DON'T do this, he is an adult and responsible for himself...it is the hardest thing we do as parents to let them take over the reins of their own life but it is vital that we do so.
I have found a site here where families of prisoners share their feelings and their stories. Have a look and see what you think. I have also had POPS recommended to me (I have been working in a women's prison recently)
Hazeleyes is right: it is a grieving process and although it seems bad, it is neccessary for you to go through the process in order to be able to feel better and move forward. Did you know that when we cry, our tears contain loads of stress hormones? so crying lets them all out. Do go and see the GP about your medication.
We are all here for you and do not forget the wonderful Samaritans who are there 24/7 at the end of a phone, 08457 909090....they have helped me out a few times I can tell you!
Take good care of you and your daughter and keep posting so that you can receive our continued support
Loads of hugs from me too.
Such a shock and so much to come to terms with.
Best wishes.
Thank you everyone for your support.
I have just spoken to a good friend who has made me laugh for the first time in 2 weeks so feel a bit better about things. Thanks Louise for website info. I will give them a try. It will definately help to speak to people in the same situation.
I`m glad you have a good friend who can make you laugh and feel a little better.
Hope you have a peaceful night xxx
That's great that you even managed a laugh. Friends are worth their weight in gold. Let us know how you get on with the websites. One day at a time is the best way to cope.
Hi sam1j
Thanks for letting us know what is going on. I have a friend whose son has just gone into a young offenders unit and he is actually doing really well, he had dropped out of school and was causing havoc, but now he is inside, he is actually doing his GCSE's and has decided when he gets out he wants to do a plumbing apprenticeship. So that definitely gives her hope.
I have just spoken to someone at the Prisoners Families and Friends Service. They are based in London however offer a telephone befriending service, where they will call you once a week and see how things are.
If you ring the helpline 0808 808 3444 Mon - Fri (10am -5pm), have a chat with them and then if you would like, ask for the befriending service. The woman on the phone sounded really nice and supportive.
I imagine you are going through soo many emotions right now, keep looking after yourself and your daughter, perhaps arrange a couple of treats for yourselves, could you do that?
Yes thanks Anna. I looked at the websites and read some stories about people in the same situation which helped
Good to hear it. It is always good to know that there is support out there and people going through similar situations as yourself and that you will get through this.
Any more plans for getting out and bringing some fun into your lives?
Hi sam1j
I am so sorry, I know you knew this would be the outcome for your son but it still hurts like hell as his mum doesnt it.
I think you are probably right to stick with your medication just for a little while, have you spoken to your gp about whats happened?
I really feel for you and your daughter, you are both victims of your sons behaviour, I do hope you find the strength not to allow him to do this to you again.
I`m sending you a great big cyber hug xxx
Everyone is here for you, please do keep posting xxx