kiera

its always just me and kids ,i wanted to no is anyone the same

Posted on: March 1, 2013 - 10:56pm
Colie

Hi, I'm always on my own with my son,, I had no childcare or help from anywhere until recently when he started pre school :-)

Posted on: March 1, 2013 - 11:39pm

Louise
Parenting specialist DoppleMe

Hello kiera

Many single parents are in the same situation as you, and it can be exhausting! However, things are now easing for you as your little girl has started nursery and it is a good idea to do something just for you during that time, although I know it is tempting to catch up with jobs. What would you like to do just for you? (by the way it does not have to be "learning ancient Greek", I was thinking more along the lines of going for a nice child-free walk or putting your feet up with a magazine!)

Posted on: March 2, 2013 - 9:04am

kiera

hi louise well when my little girl is in nursery i usually go my mums, or go for summat eat which is nice, or go home and tidy and clean, next week i am paintin my little girls room, my mum is elping me,do it when she is in nursery,she needs to b in er own room now, thinkin just buyin single bed and get rid of er cot,  i mean is in my question is, is it just u and kids and no1 else, mean all weekend now its just me and kids, i wont see no1 else, im use to it tho, im not on my own am i

Posted on: March 2, 2013 - 9:32am

kiera

hi colie how old is ur son, its me and kids all time , i dotn see no adults at all, unless i go shop nr me lol,my little girl got 10 free hours she is 2 half, x

Posted on: March 2, 2013 - 9:35am

Colie

Hi Kiera, my son will be 3 next week he gets 15 free hours, he has special needs so was a life saver for me, I see my parents sometimes but majority of the time it's just me and him, it does get a bit intense I even befriended the postman for a bit of adult conversation lol x

Posted on: March 2, 2013 - 10:07am

kiera

hi my little girl is 3 in october, sometimes i feel its just me in this situation but im glad im not on my ow, its just me and kids  all time, i have odd night out with mates what i enjoy, or i have lunch out with my mum and my eldest daughter when she is bk from uni,plus i hav e2 sons 11 and 15, i want job tho now, i am lookin, in evenings its just always me, is it same with u, plus im always tired lolx

Posted on: March 2, 2013 - 10:11am

Colie

I haven't had a night out in 4 years haha! If I want to do anything it has to be while my son is at school and most weeks I have appointments with health visitor, senco, portage etc and as it's only 3 hours a day and I live in a little village doesn't really give me much time to do anything except clean up and get dinner on lol x

Posted on: March 2, 2013 - 10:15am

kiera

well i have my mum for babysitting for in daytime, i had court tue and i was out most day, my mum watched my little girl, and she babysits at night for me or my eldest daughter babysits for me, im stayin in now for ages cos savin up as want to take kids abroad,what do u do in summer the when its lighter for longer, i have big garden, so kids play in there, i have big trampolinex

Posted on: March 2, 2013 - 10:35am

Colie

My parents don't ''do'' babysitting really so when he's not at preschool he's with me. In summer we go park, play in the garden try to work off some of his energy! Because of his special needs the day needs to be quite structured and he uses pecs cards to show him what we're going to do next so lots of planning! We have little trampoline and ride on cars and tractors, bikes, scooters, my garden is like a garage! We try and do something special every month or so like kidsworld or seaside, last month we went to the deep which he liked. Court was all sorted for me about 6 months ago so I'm hoping to go abroad in July, probably just France but will be our first holiday :-) x

Posted on: March 2, 2013 - 10:41am

kiera

wish my court was over with, ad 3 hearings now, wont bore u with it, but its stressful isnt it court, makes me anxious, not til june next hearin so i try and block it out best way, ive took kids canary islands few times, but my little girl asnt bin abroad and really want er expereince flyin and bein in sun away from england, alot money tho for family hoilday, 3 kids and me lolx

Posted on: March 2, 2013 - 10:51am

Colie

I think everything is a lot of money at the moment isn't it but at least I just have one to worry about! 
It is so stressful, gives you nightmares, I hope it gets sorted soon for you xx 

Posted on: March 2, 2013 - 10:56am

anonymousmum
DoppleMe

im on my own all thr time to keira i have no family around me so it is always just me and baby and her sister when she comes home from school , i have no childcare no one to leave baby with if i have to neither it can be pretty lonely , thankfully i have a childrens centre very close by and i go there with baby about four times a week and that gives baby a good social experiance and gives me a chance to mis and talk with other adults to , if it wasnt for that i think id be really depressed, my life has changed so much xx 

Posted on: March 2, 2013 - 11:01am

anonymousmum
DoppleMe

the childrens centres are free and the facilities are free ie groups, fun days , and they even do courses with creche, do you have a childressn centre close to you? x

Posted on: March 2, 2013 - 11:03am

kiera

aw thanks hun, im strong woman so il b fine, xx one space as bin support for me for a year nowx

Posted on: March 2, 2013 - 11:16am

kiera

hi anoymouis how are u, yes their is children centre but i dont go, my little girl in nursery now, 2 mornings a week and 1 afternoon, want a job tho, wait til court over with tho, its just me and kids as well, every night as well ,sometiems i wish i ad sum adult company, but im use to bein on my own, x

Posted on: March 2, 2013 - 11:20am

kiera

and plus we av court to contend with, xx

Posted on: March 2, 2013 - 11:21am

anonymousmum
DoppleMe

i know i think il be own me own now for the rest of my life peopel say oh you wont, but i dont go anyhwere i dont socialsie  other than childrens centre and dont go out for nights out , sometimes i wish i would meet someone just to take my mind off things for a while , but i really do think im on me own for good 

Posted on: March 2, 2013 - 11:37am

kiera

i think same as u, men i meet are not nice, well met 1 nice lad but treated him not nice and kept pushin him away, i think il b on my own rest my life,and im puit off for gud after my vile ex, sometimes i wish i could meet sumone to take my mind of things,. i have my nights out but thts it, me and kidsx 

 

Posted on: March 2, 2013 - 11:44am

anonymousmum
DoppleMe

i dont even fancy anyone tried online chatting and am just not interested think im still gettin over me ex aswell , and dont even kno why he treated me so badly but yet am still stuck on him , hopefully it will fade as time goes on x

Posted on: March 2, 2013 - 11:51am

anonymousmum
DoppleMe

the thing is the there wasnt just bad times and i was with him for a reason and that was the good times , the bad deffo out way the good , times a healer 

Posted on: March 2, 2013 - 11:55am

kiera

im same, ive bin chatted up few times but cant b arsed, plus my ex pretended to b sumone else on fb so ive deactivated my account, well my ex ad double life, he ad girlfriend and baby, cudnt believe how he betrayed me, i did love him, i do stil think bout him, even after wot he did to em and wot he stil is doin to me, z

Posted on: March 2, 2013 - 11:59am

anonymousmum
DoppleMe

its heart breaking really is , you put ya trust in someone and they smash all ya hopes and dreamz that you had with them, my ex made a fake fb to , i just blocked it tho 

Posted on: March 2, 2013 - 12:06pm

sparklinglime
DoppleMe

The last time The Git had the children stay was August 2007.  So 'just' me since then.  I think the hard thing is that when you're not able to go out that you become isolated.  Prior to that I could never make arrangements to do thins as ex was liable to cancel contact at literally the last minute.

My lot are old enough now to be left alone - but having been unable to go out for so long means there's no one to go out with!!  Wonky legs don't help either though.

Support for me is mainly from this site.

Posted on: March 2, 2013 - 2:26pm

Louise
Parenting specialist DoppleMe

Well I am glad that we are able to be here for you all Laughing

While you are going through court, it is hard to think of things but once that is over, I do think it is important to think about making new friends (concentrate on that rather than meeting another bloke) It's hard to get a baby sitter so sometimes these things have to be in the daytime or maybe things like girls' nights in.

Posted on: March 2, 2013 - 3:44pm

Sue123

I'm also on my own all the time with no family offering to look after my little one, its kinda getting Soul destroying now...Just feel like time out sometimes but there's no time out..But he has started 15 free hours which is a life saver. But still struggling the rest of the time with depression and lonelines. Just hoping a job will help..

I just found this site today feel I'm going mad no one to talk to..wish I could meet others who understands what I'm going through

Posted on: March 2, 2013 - 4:13pm

anonymousmum
DoppleMe

we understand what your going through im in the same boat really , no time out for me , baby is with me 24/7 shes amazing and i wouldnt change it for the world but sometimes miss having a lil time to me self and having a night out , i cant even have a drink in cos again i am babys main carer 

Posted on: March 2, 2013 - 5:11pm

Sue123

Hey than you for replying its good that someone out there understands.But it would just be nice if family offered to look after him once in a while..so I can have a break..hopefully it will get easier as time goes by..

would love to meet and talk to ppl also feeling like this but I can't seem to find any groups or anything meetups

Posted on: March 2, 2013 - 5:22pm

kiera

hi anoymonus are u ok, my son ad laptop, got it back now, we can chatx

Posted on: March 2, 2013 - 5:52pm

kiera

hi sue how are u, i understand its just me and kids all time, altho i do av my mum to babysit in daytime or at night, im not to bad,but like every evenin just me and kids, but im use to it,and middle of court procedings, and im leavin men alone now for a while,after my ex rather b on my ownx

Posted on: March 2, 2013 - 5:57pm

kiera

well ive got bottle vintage cava in for a treat, il av a couple small glasses and thts it, watch gud film and go bed, x

Posted on: March 2, 2013 - 5:59pm

kiera

hi sue im lookin for a job, my little girl got 10 free hours, a life saver lol,i understand what ur goin thrux

Posted on: March 2, 2013 - 6:02pm

Sue123

Hi Kiera, thanks for replying, yelps the free hours are a lifesaver and my little boy would love more hours, it just gets lonely and I don't think I'm getting used to it to be honest I hate living alone. But I'm hoping a job would change some of how I am feeling. Xx

Posted on: March 2, 2013 - 6:40pm

Poppy10

Hi Kiera,

I'm on my own most of the time with my children as well and know exactly how you feel.

My daughters are nearly 13 and 6. It wasn't as bad when my first daughter was younger as I lived in a town with a lot of single parents who had children similar aged and we did things together sometimes at the weekend, I had an interesting job and my mum had her to stay one night at the weekend. I wish I'd realised it then that things could have been worse but I did find being trapped in the house after 6.30pm the other nights and feeling socially excluded from my peers and no-one to talk to really difficult to adjust to.

Since having my second daughter we moved to a town where single parents are well in the minority. Most of the mums are understandibly focused on their partners and so I am nearly always on my own at the weekends which to be honest I dread. My mother has since died and so I have lost my relationship with her as well as her support.

I think it's great to share our feelings on here as I don't feel that others who've not been in our position can really understand it.

If I win the lottery I would like to set up a single parent support group in every area  so no-one need ever feel so alone again. Fingers-crossed people!!

Posted on: March 2, 2013 - 8:32pm

Sue123

Hi Poppy,

Hope you don't mind me replying to your post. But I totally understand and relate to your post. I wish I had other single mums I could make friends with and meet up with. At the moment I really do feel socially excluded and no one to talk to really difficult to adjust to also.

a single parent support group is exactly what would help me right now. I don't think anyone quite understands what we go through.

Posted on: March 3, 2013 - 12:00am

Poppy10

Hey Sue123!

sooo glad you replied.

But am sorry you feel the same as me :(

I've had this idea for a while that we should write the book "Single parenthood- the great untold story". The social exclusion and in an awful lot of circumstances (judgement) is really hard to deal with.

I would love to see a support group in every area, along with opportunities for holidays. Not only would we benefit but more importantly our children.

Sending you loads of positivity and understanding :)

 

 

 

 

Posted on: March 3, 2013 - 12:43am

kiera

hiya are u ok, one space as bin massive support for me for alst year,bein with abusive ex,how are u feelinx

Posted on: March 3, 2013 - 1:56am

Poppy10

Hey Kiera,

This site is great!.

I was with two abusive men, the first being more subtle. In fairness I didn't really appreciate how abusive my first partner was as he was subtle but chinked away at my self esteem little by little with a bit of help by his father.

Whilst moving on from him as a single parent in an area where I didn't know anyone I fell for an older man who in hindsight knew how to play vulnerable single mothers. On the up-side he gave me a beautiful daughter. In a way I feel less angry about him as he had a shite up-bringing, was a lot more honest about who he was and when I asked him to leave his daughter alone to have a chance (his other children I have since learnt are quite messed up) he got it!!. I think I might need about 10 yrs of therapy!! the up-shot is my daughters are beatiful outside and in and that's got to be worth something!!.

Posted on: March 3, 2013 - 2:27am

kiera

hi u ok,ive met 2 abusive men, not had a good time to b honest,x

Posted on: March 3, 2013 - 2:34am

Louise
Parenting specialist DoppleMe

Hello everyone, it is good to share feelings and you're right, other people who have not been through it have no idea.

However, new friends and contacts do not have be restricted to other single parents, there are still lots of things you can do. Have a look at this article, which contains lots of ideas for increasing your social circle and support network, incuding some organisations where you can meet people. Remember, it takes time and you DO have to make the effort, but in the end it can pay dividends.

Posted on: March 3, 2013 - 8:36am

ella83

hi. its only me and my son 100 perc of the time  . his dad doesnt want to know. His family doesn't even know he has a son. my familu lives in the other country as am not from here.I dont know any other single parents.all peope i know are happily married loving families and all that. feel llike a freak most of the time and not looking forward to christmas. also wish there were groups for single parents..

Posted on: December 15, 2013 - 10:56am

kiera

hi ella im same really but i av family, just me and kids tho really all time, ur not freak god millions single parents out there,  sumtimes i feel same as i see happy families and upsets me a bit, cos thst all i wanted happy family but didnt work out tht way x

Posted on: December 15, 2013 - 11:34am

Louise
Parenting specialist DoppleMe

We can definitely feel alone as single parents and yet the figures show that ONE QUARTER of all housholds with children are headed by just one parent. So there are a lot of us out there.

Ella83 I gave you some suggestions for improving your situation on the other thread and I hope you found them helpful. One of the very hardest things is that when we are lonely the only person who can change that is ourself and of course that takes time and effort and is extra hard when we are feeling down. Think of it like planting seeds in the garden...we don't see flowers immediately, we have to plant and water and feed, then finally we get flowers. There are single parent groups available in some areas, contact our Local Expert (click) to see if there are any near you

Posted on: December 15, 2013 - 6:00pm

TaniaM

Hi 

i know the feeling i feel stuck at home.. alone with my little girl.. it gets so lonely..

Posted on: December 17, 2013 - 4:34pm

Sally W
Parenting specialist DoppleMe

Hi TaniaM and welcome along to One space.

I think alot of us on here will empathise with you on your feelings of loneliness, do you have any family or friends that are supportive? How old is your little girl? 

Posted on: December 17, 2013 - 5:05pm

Louise
Parenting specialist DoppleMe

Hi Tania M and welcome along, just been chatting with you on the other thread Smile

Posted on: December 18, 2013 - 8:35am