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I've had a phone call from my in-laws to say a girl I worked with in Wylfa has died. She was younger than me, by four years or so.
Shortly after I left (1993), she started to drink a lot, and became an alcoholic. She had to leave work. I pleaded with her to come to AA with me. Told her I'd be there for her... She was fine though.
Every now and then our paths would cross, and it was plain that she wasn't well.
I was in fracture clinic with my daughter on Friday and I recognised this man. It was her dad. My goodness! She was with him and looked so fantastic. She'd lost weight and her hair was shiney and gorgous. We spoke for ages (the joy of fracture clinic) and had such a good laugh. So good to catch up. It's funny, but she said 'we were such good friends, we must catch up now'. She was working at the hospital.
Seems she died in her sleep during the night.
I'm so glad I saw her on Friday, and so glad she looked so well. My final image of her laughing, and her parents smiling. So glad I have been able to tell my mother-in-law how well she looked that day. They live in quite a tight knit communtiy, so hopefully that will get around a bit.
My heart goes out to her parents. They've been through so much. She's an only child.
Cysgu'n ddistaw Bethan.
Oh sparkling, what a sad time for you, and right at what I know is a difficult time of year for you. Your poor friend! My thoughts are with her parents too. And it almost seems fated that you should see her last week and how wonderful she looked so well. Some people suffer the adult equivalent of cot death and I wonder if this was what happened to her?
Sending you lots of strength
Hi,
If she went to Boded then I probably knew her..
Take care.
She did.
We such good friends for a good few years... She went to Bangor Uni after school.
Hi Sparkling
Life is so cruel sometimes. I am sorry to hear this sad news. It is a very emotional time for you at the moment, but stay strong. I am pleased that you saw her looking so well though. That's the image that will stay with you. I'm sure you'll light a candle along with the others.
Lots of hugs for you.
Take care
Alison
x :)
Hi Sparkling
I echo what the others have said, my thoughts are with you at this tricky time of year for you. However it is always good to be able to remember the good times and the fact that you got to see her recently and it was a good time should help you be able to remember her that way.
Thinking of you C-L
I saw a chap we worked with at Wylfa this morning, and we got talking - as you do. The three of us used to have our lunch together. I used to work in the DHSS before Wylfa, just as this chap did. When he got to Wylfa, Bethan and I were friends, so somehow we always ended up chatting.
He was telling me that she killed herself, having written everything down as to why... He reckons the trigger points were her Nain (grandmother) dying at the same time she was told she could never have children - she has always wanted a family.
He was also shocked that, even though they were divorced, that her ex-husband was at work the following day, unaffected by the news. Perhaps that part I can understand. I know his family turned against her though, when perhaps they could have understood her devastation - not that matters now.
Her parents. What do they have now?
Having seen her a few days before, I feel even more sad now.
It just goes to show that we do not know what is going on for each other, some people try to hide what they are feeling, as this girl did the day you saw her, sparkling lime. But it is very sad that she did not feel she could reach out to anyone. Let us always feel we can reach out and share our joys and sorrows with others, that is what we can learn from the tragic end to your friend's life. I am sure you want to spend some quiet time thinking about her today but do not forget that there is a magical day ahead for you and the children tomorrow, and take heart. :)
Big hugs Sparklinglime, its so sad. Hope the kids are keeping you going today.
Take care
Bec xx
Hi Sparkling
Like Louise said, it is sad that she couldn't reach out to someone. We are lucky in that we have this group, we listen and support each other.
I hope you are ok, and hopefully managed to have a fantastic day with the children.
Big hugs
Alison
x :)
Hi Sparklinglime
How are you doing today? I am sorry to hear about your friend and wonder what we can learn from it? As the others have said - about being able to reach out and feeling lucky to have each other on this site that we can rely on. I think this is a real asset and for some people, it is easier to open up on line rather that face to face so that can be a real bonus.
Hope you are feeling a bit cheerier today?!
What are your plans for the NewYear?
Love C-L
I was driving back after taking my son to work - and the first time I've been alone, really since learning of this. I'm just thinking stupid thoughts. Seeing her on Friday and on the Tuesday she's died. Had she died of natural causes, I'd probably think how sad, and nothing more. Now, I'm replaying our conversation in my head. We laughed so much - but did I, possibly, say something that led to this?
I'll never know, and it will fade again, I'm sure, and it will come to the point that I won't really think of her much again. And that is sad too. I was looking forward to hearing from her.
Life is strange.
Hi Sparkling
I do feel you are reading too much into your friends death. It has nothing to do with what you said. Stop beating yourself, and put a stop to all such thoughts.
Now, I'm replaying our conversation in my head. We laughed so much - but did I, possibly, say something that led to this?
My ex's son committed suicide, and my ex told me that he was very troubled in the weeks leading up to it, but wouldn't say what was wrong. About a week or so before he took his life, my ex said he was much more cheerful, and then he hung himself. I actually think that when someone decides to take their own life, they maybe find an inner peace, (not all of course)
You Sparkling didn't do or say anything.
How are you feeling today? Hope to catch up with you soon.
Take care, and big hugs
Alison
x :)
Hi Sarklinglime
I agree with Alison that you cannot beat yourself up about what has happened and that it was her choice and not your words that have lead to this incident. I can understand you replaying the conversation in your head and coming to that conclusion but we are not in control of other people's decisions or actions. I know I have a really good friend at school who ran away and I felt totally responsible and kept replaying conversations in my head as you have done but when i spoke to her after the event, she explained that her mind was made up and no conversation with me would have changed that. So again I think Alison may be right in saying that once people make decisions about taking their own life, then there is a sense of relief and inner peace and that is maybe what you experienced with your friend when you met her.
Is there any way that you can look at this in a different way and rather than see it as another person you have 'lost', see it more as another person who is out there (somewhere) watching over you?
That is my take on death and life after death whih I find really helpful in trying to explain to myself why some of these (tragic) things happen. In the West we are so much more attached to life ad the idea of living because we don't have much of a sense of what happens after death. However in the East where they believe in Karma and reincarnation, then death is seen as a passing on to the next chapter so to speak.
Does any of that make any sense to you? Is it helpful?
Keep sparkling C-L
Hi Claire-Louise
I too believe that there is life after death. I love to think that my parents are looking down on me, (just wish they'd pass some good luck down)!! When my father was dying, he kept saying in his sleep over and over, 'i'm not ready'. When he woke, he said he had a strange dream that his Mum had come to him.
What a subject just after Christmas, :lol:
Take care, all the best
Alison
x :)
Yes, you have both helped.
I do believe that the "things" that go on in this house could well be my parents, popping in to see how we're doing.
I do feel though that it is losing people... I miss the phone calls and the physical contact with these people. My brother was so determined to work out a way of getting me a social life - but the subject didn't come up :lol:
I'm not a fan of new year. Another year and nothing achieved **sigh**
I'm fine otherwise :D
It is really hard not to feel responsible for others' thoughts and feelings isn't it? wondering how we could have helped? but the others are right, everyone is responsible for themselves.
As for not achieving anything, I think being a super mum, a great friend, a good neighbour, a valuable Scout Leader and a beloved member of One Space is quite enough achievements for one person in one year, young lady! :D
It is really hard not to feel responsible for others' thoughts and feelings isn't it? wondering how we could have helped? but the others are right, everyone is responsible for themselves.
As for not achieving anything, I think being a super mum, a great friend, a good neighbour, a valuable Scout Leader and a beloved member of One Space is quite enough achievements for one person in one year, young lady! :D
That's made me cry... :)
Awwwww, I meant to make you smile :D :D :D
:)
Sparkling, you put yourself down WAY too much, and I totally agree with everything Louise pointed out.
I've been looking at your other posts this morning, and I hope you don't mind me saying, but you sound quite down, (or am I reading too much between the lines).
2010 will be a great year for all of us, you included Sparkling :) :)
I'm feeling lonely, I guess. Not down really, although eldest is pushing it, and I'm trying to figure out if I should be leaving him to it as he is now 18...
I've been reading my OU book in the living room, with the electric fire on and actually feeling warm!
It's a lot of responsibility, isn't it? You just can't be sure that it will be ok.
I'd love to go for a ride, but no one else does. **sigh**.
Hi Sparkling
From what I know and have read, you are and have been doing brilliantly with your children. Don't know what to suggest about the 18 year old, even though I was that age once. (yep, long, long time ago of course) :lol: :lol:
It's a lot of responsibility, isn't it? You just can't be sure that it will be ok.
I am sure everything will all turn out fine.
I'd love to go for a ride, but no one else does. **sigh**.
Did you go out for a ride in the end? Never mind the others, do what you want for a change. Your eldest or daughter would hold the fort for a while wouldn't they? MInd you, I'd prefer to be sitting by a fire!!!
Hope you're ok
Take care
Alison
x :)
No, I didn't have a ride. It was raining.
The most excitement I had was going up the top of the estate to get the dustbin and recycling boxes down - good bit of exercise as the wind had blown the boxes all over the place!! We found all the relevant bits though :D
I've done a load of reading today. Eventually the oldest did come downstairs, and we've all been in the kitchen watching tele (so much for warm living room and christmas tree). Daughter watching Torchwood and then I'll wash her hair for her. She hates asking, but can't manage with the plaster cast.
Feel loads better this evening. Having a laugh all together makes me feel ok again.
xxxxxxxxx
Glad you're feeling better, sparkling lime. I do sympathise about your 18 year old, they can be such a law unto themselves and one minute they want to be the big grown-up and the next, a child again. I think ( :!: ) it is to do with them trying out grown up behaviour but having the security of parent to fall back on (a bit like when they learned to walk and they would venture further and further but then come back) It's hard for us as parents, though, because we don;t know where we stand and also can feel a bit nervous on their behalf as they start to tackle the big wide world
Your kitchen sounds like such a lovely homey place :D
Our kitchen is ruddy freezing!! But the computers are here.
I looked at his well known social website account yesterday - and it was all down to a thing with a girl he sooooo likes. It said he needed a hug - so I gave him one. While I do hate that unmentionable social network site, and hardly go on it, it has its uses! I do tell him to delete me, but he hasn't. Maybe he knows that while I read it I can maybe sort him out.
He says he feels loads better today.
So on behalf of my son, I'd like to say 'blooming girls'!!!
The thing is she's one of twins. The other twin is regularly seen standing under a street lamp snoggin her boyfriend, just round the corner from their house, so I tease my son about which lamp post he'll stand under. :D
Heck, no wonder he was in a mood. I don't help really, do I :lol: 8-)
Glad you're feeling better, sparkling lime. I do sympathise about your 18 year old, they can be such a law unto themselves and one minute they want to be the big grown-up and the next, a child again. I think ( :!: ) it is to do with them trying out grown up behaviour but having the security of parent to fall back on (a bit like when they learned to walk and they would venture further and further but then come back) It's hard for us as parents, though, because we don;t know where we stand and also can feel a bit nervous on their behalf as they start to tackle the big wide world
Your kitchen sounds like such a lovely homey place :D
You're so right there. We've been discussing his art work (A level - he's exceptionally gifted, says his teacher), and after watching James May and lego last night, we're going to make a mini model of his car for his course work. I need to order red lego bricks of a well known auction site - I think it might be my project!
Ooh sorry your kitchen is freezing, I didn't know that, I just always remember how you like sitting there.
Hope you get the Lego Ok. My boy (20) was working late the other night and asked for a hot water bottle in his bed! :?
Hahaha! I had a hot water bottle last night.
I had promised myself an electric blanket if I'd sold the Renault - horrid person who didn't buy it!! Maybe next winter - haha!!! I could buy one, wrap it and shove it under the Christmas tree for me next year :D
Oh yes I remember you saying about the electric blanket.....I am not cold at night (being a lady of a certain age who has hot flushes :oops: ) but when I was, it was two hot water bottles for me, one to cuddle and one for my feet.
And oh! the girlfriend issue....I find it hard not to get involved and give my opinion. I had to smile when I heard my 15 year old saying that his new girlfriend had dumped him already and the 20 year old saying " Women! I have had five years of it and I am none the wiser" :lol: :lol:
Anyway Happy New Year sparkling lime. What are you up to today?
Oh yes I remember you saying about the electric blanket.....I am not cold at night (being a lady of a certain age who has hot flushes :oops: ) but when I was, it was two hot water bottles for me, one to cuddle and one for my feet.
And oh! the girlfriend issue....I find it hard not to get involved and give my opinion. I had to smile when I heard my 15 year old saying that his new girlfriend had dumped him already and the 20 year old saying " Women! I have had five years of it and I am none the wiser" :lol: :lol:
Anyway Happy New Year sparkling lime. What are you up to today?
:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: That has me roaring with laughter - knowing full well I probably 'knew it all' by then too!
In-laws for lunch today, then taking son to work and picking him up - hoping it won't freeze before 11pm :lol:
I'm going to pop in to see my neighbour for five minutes - and it has to be five minutes!
Have you got a good day planned?
Hi sparkling lime,
Hope the lunch went well and it is not too cold when you have to drive tonight, we had some snow here overnight but it has melted on the road, although not the path.
Yes they do think they are so worldly wise when they are teenagers. I wish I knew now ,what I thought I knew when I was 15, if you see what I mean. :lol:
Today has been pretty lazy and I fell asleep watching The Railway Children this afternoon. It is my friend's birthday tomorrow but as it is her little daughter's birthday the same day, my friend is celebrating today instead so I will be joining her later.
Did you manage to keep the neighbourly visit fairly brief?
I did manage to have a ten minute visit to my neighbour's.
Lunch was lovely. My mother-in-law made ommelette, home-made chips and peas - and while it doesn't sound exciting (what I eat is impossible to make exciting) having a meal cooked is lovely.
There was a good downfall of snow while we were there. The children had a great snowball fight while I played Boggle with mother-in-law following a nice bitching session about The Git while we washed dishes.
My eldest phoned work to see if he went in if he could stay over night, and instead he's had the evening off. He's already in bed, feeling rotten after his night out :lol: :lol: :lol:
The journey home was quite terrifying, and I'm one of these annoyingly slow people driving in the snow. Only saw three other cars on the way home though. The snow had compacted, and getting up the hills was interesting as we all held our breaths!!!!!!!!!!!
I was laughing, and the children were terrified. My eldest said 'bloody good driving' when we got up one white hill :D
Took me as long to walk down to the house from the car as it did to drive the 11 miles home (well, not quite maybe). Estate is pretty deadly as always in this weather. My bag of rocksalt from Asda has been used today - I took a bucket to my in-laws, just in case!! And then my 13 year old went to get more to grit the paths leading to the house.
What a laugh. So, so relieved to be indoors. And so glad eldest has the night off, even if he will miss the money.
Hi Sparkling
Really glad you enjoyed your afternoon. It's great to have others cook for you isn't it? Am also pleased that you don't have to go out again in the snow to pick your son up. What lightweights these youngsters are!!!! In bed already, hahaha. Now this old fogey is actually heading off to the land of nod soon too.
I e.mailed Trading Standards today, (not sure if I posted this before). Just to let them know what is going on. Hopefully I'll hear from them on Monday or soon after. My sister just rang me on Mobile, no credit either. This is the one with cancer. So glad she rang, and I could wish her Happy New Year.
No more snow here yet. Fingers crossed it won't fall our way. First day of the year, and I'm actually feeling quite low. I hope this (BT) isn't the start of things to come for me.
Take care in the snow.
Alison
x :)
Hi sparkling lime
Thank heavens you got home safely! That must have been a scary drive and I am sure you made the best of it with the laughing and joking. I agree about having a meal cooked for you :) , I always say I don't even mind what it is, as long as I have not had to cook it.
Well done on the ten-minute visit. Hope you have a good day today and can appreciate the snow......from inside the house! :lol:
Hello alisoncam
I have got my imaginary glasses out! :shock: And I am looking at you and telling you that this BT business does not mean a bad omen for 2010, what it means is that it is a leftover hassle from 2009, and I am glad you have emailed Trading Standards and are taking the bull by the horns.
Great that you spoke with your sister :D
Hi alison
I'm so glad you've spoken to your sister.
Ruddy BT - and I totally agree with Louise - she can be so terrifying when she had the glasses on!!!!
I've been putting stuff in the recyling boxes this morning (was up by 6 having given up trying to get back to sleep). There's a path leading to my house where the rock-salt has been sprinkled! :lol: :lol:
It looks really pretty. I've tried to take photos of the full moon that was in the sky. I'll have to get them onto Flickr if it's worked. It didn't seem to show up when I looked at the camera screen.
I'm hoping the snow will melt today so son can get into work - there should be buses running though :D Means I can be cowardly and stay in. :lol:
Louise sure does look spooky with the glasses on, so I'll sit up and take notice ;)
Very icy here, but no snow. Take it easy Sparkling and Louise if you have to go out.
:)
Hi,
If she went to Boded then I probably knew her..
Take care.