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I was sure time help me forgot everything.But every time when he is coming to see our daughter everything is back-all pain.My evening today is again plenty of tears.I wish be strong but I can't.I promise my daughter not cry any more that why every day I'm waiting when she sleep and after crying loud.
Hi kiniusia. Sorry that you're feeling so down tonight. One day you will be strong again, but at the moment all you're feeling is the pain. It is okay to cry in front of your daughter, but I do know what you mean. We try and shelter our children from our pain, as it isn't nice to see, but sometimes we cannot help crying in front of them, and I don't believe it's a bad thing, it's perfectly natural, just not all of the time. How old is your daughter? I wish you well, and do keep posting, as we're all here to offer any support that we can.
Thank you all.Our daughter is 2 but I have one more daughter she is 5(she is from my previous relationship) and my ex is only stepfather for her.The oldest one don't like me cry,the little one not understand lots at the moment.I have lots to do because I am studying but because all my problems I can't concentrate.Plus I have letter from my landlord I need leave my flat until 24th January.I didn't pay two rents because we have problems with money with my ex and when he left was even worst for myself.I try ask consul for help but they said because I didn't pay rent is my fault and I need find something they can only help me with deposit.But all agency don't really like people without job and benefits.How I can find job with two little kids and not help from anyone?
Hello kiniusia
No wonder you are upset, things are very hard for you right now.
Re your flat, click here to contact our housing advice specialist
Re your daughter, could her dad collect her from someone else's house? Or at least could you have someone at your flat with you so they can got to the door to see him? Each time he is coming, plan a treat for yourself and allow yourself that treat while he has his contact time. Treats could be a magazine, a bath with lovely oils in, a bag of Maltesers, record a nice film to watch.....
Hi Louise
I am trying treat myself but I can't stop think about him is about 2 months only we split that mean everything is still very fresh for me.Thanks for that link for housing advice.
It's OK to cry, personaly I wouldn't try to hide it from your children, cuddle them and let them know it's ok... it's a perfectly normal reaction to stress and worry and all that, what you are going through.
I've cried in front of my kids and I've seen that they are confussed about it, but then I cuddle them and they are OK and I feel better and they feel better.
:)
And! I know it doesn't mean anything now, I've been there myself, but things work out eventualy... life goes on and all that anoying stuff people say when they are not living what you are living.
Your post touched me and I just wanted to say something
: )
Thanks Bunnlegum
Everytime when something bad happen in my life I want make sure my kids ok.I don't want hurt them and I don't let anybody hurt them too.My ex spend with his 2 years old daughter 10 hours per week brcause he said he is working and is all free time what he got,but I know if he really try he can spend more time with her.When we split he told me he want give her all his free time but now he not bother and when I'm trying talk with him he is angry.My little one loves ,every time when she hear door open she shout his name,she just miss him and my heart is broken when I'm watching her.My ex was diffrent person before,full of love special for my daughter but I still can't believe how he change.
I feel your pain xxxxxxx i thought life could not go on, byt here i am 5 nearly 6 months on and im happy as ever!!! I did used to cry at least 5 times a day. He left when my son was only 5 weeks old, i used to cradle my son at night feeds and cry my eyes out!! It was hell!!! Everyone said i'd get over it
And i never thought i would!! But for someone to walk out on me and a 5 week year old, the amount of hate i have
Towards him is unreal!!! You will be ok. Trust me xxxxxxx
I know one day everything will be fine,just now is hard to believe that.My sister told me if men can leave me and kids he not deserve even one tear from my eyes and it is true.He is free and happy and I think it is time for me to move on.I want enjoy my life.I am 29 and it is not too late for me to find love.But at the moment it is time for me to do something for myself and kids.I just wish to have more friends.When I was with my partner we didn't go out and nobody was coming to my house.Time to change that.
Hi kiniusia
How are you today? I hope it helps to know that other people have been through similar times and got through it.
Hello Lauziewoo
Good to hear from you, glad things are better for you now and your son is now a bouncing six months old 
Does your son see his dad at all these days?
It is easier if I see I am not alone in my situation.I like sit with cup of coffee and spend long time reading all posts and comments.I know everyone is diffrent and some of us need less time and some need more time to feel better.Good to know is place like this where you can write how bad or good you feel and even you don't know anybody you can find someone who try cheer you up.It is amazing.Thanks for that website 
He's seen him less than a handful times since he left. He used to give me money but hasnt for a while. Ive asked for a cot off him but he said no. I need advice too of someone that knows these things.... He is a drug taker and im very anti drug. Can i stop him from seeing my son???
Hi Lauziewoo, if you have real concerns about whether your boy would be safe then ys you can either stop him seeing him or you can insist that contact is supervised, either by yourself, a family member or at a neutral contact centre. Does he work?
Hello kiniusia, yes I love reading everyones' posts too. Hope you are having a decent Saturday so far.
Hi kiniusia, how are you doing? I am guessing from your post you are not English, is that correct? What is your native language??
Hi Lauziewoo, loved your posts, great to read how you overcame the pain.
Hi Anna
I come from Poland but in I live in England already 7 years.
Hi kiniusia, I thought I recognised your accent! 
I have some Slovakian friends!
It sounds like you are feeling quite isolated, do you have any Polish friends who live locally?
I have my sister live in the same town but she had 12 days ago baby and don't want to upset her with my problems.I don't have many friends because most of time I am home with my kids.
Do you go to any playgroups with your children? Do you still have a health visitor? If so, can you ask them to introduce you to some other mums?
I am sure your sister could do with the company and maybe you can hang out with her for a while. Do you get on well? Does she know how you are feeling?
Yes my sister know everything but she has her happy life now with husband and baby.I wish to go meet some mums but i'm kind shy person and after what happen in my life i don't trust people.That is really hard for me now.
Hi kiniusa, I know that it is going to be hard to trust people again, but whilst you have small children, this is the best time to meet new friends. Have you read our article Making New Friends?
I think to try some toddler group first.It is not easy because before all me free time I always spend with my partner.Now when he left me I feel really alone and special evening are hard for me.
Hi kiniusia. Evenings can be very hard can't they? Do you chat to the other mum's at your 5 year old's school? Does she have friend's over to play? That is a good way to get to meet people too. Chatting to other parents in the park perhaps, though the weather isn't great for the park right now. Congratulations to your sister and her new baby I am sure despite her just having the baby, she would be delighted if you still went over to see her, it would get you out, and she'd have someone to perhaps help her out in the early days. As you know, the little angels can be hard work, hehe. Maybe in a few months, the two of you could go to kiddie clubs together, then you wouldn't be on your own. Hope you're okay this evening. Take care.
Well my oldest daughters best friend live just with mum too and it is so sweet girls really understand each other situation and share feelings.I like to talk to her mum cos we are in similar situation.I want help my sister but go to her small flat with my two little monkeys is not easy I want to find some groups where I can go with my youngest one (2 years old) and she can play with other kids and i can chat with mums.I'm planning try zumba dance group,I always love dance but my ex didn't and now i have chance enjoy something.
Ooh zumba sounds good, I know a few people who go to classes and they all love it.
Your Health Visitor will know of any local groups for you and your little one, or have a search for your nearest Childrens Centre by clicking here, then you can contact them and see what is on offer.
Hi kiniusia
How long have you been separated? How old is your daughter?
Perhaps you need to come up with a plan where you don't have to see your ex. Is your duaghter able to run down the path to him so he you don't need to speak to him?
Sadly, time is what it takes to come to terms with things.
Louise and Anna are two of the parent specialists on the board, and they will be able to give you some more advice and links for things that may help.
Do try to keep busy with practical things (which seems to help), play cheerful music and try some random dancing around the house. It will make you feel better, and I'm sure that you and your daughter will soon be laughing.
Sending strength your way.