That i just don't know if this is killing me ...or making me stronger ? "Sigh" :(
Aw honey I wish we could be there with you by your side, but I'm here to 'hand hold' and together we will get you through this
So how are you feeling bonkers ? What's gone on x
Do you know something bonkers YOU are already incredibly strong, don't forget how much you have done already before you posted on here, the way you write your posts are strong because your worth more and deserve loads better and that's why your fighting! X
It is hard it does feel like it takes everything out of you but your doing just fine x
Awww thank you IDT ,its good to hear from you .I do not feel very strong at the moment ,i wobbled and met him last week ,i listened to him ,i watched him cry ,i saw the pain in his eyes ...and i buckled ..now i am full of regret ,everybody is telling me to drop it as we clearly love each other ,but it's not that easy is it ? It is with the CPS now and out of my hands .I am helpless ......i am broke ......i am so low it hurts like hell
xx
Can u find it in you to call your local woman's aid to talk? No one can tell you what to do this is your choice, wa are there for you and will help to talk through your choices it helped me, it's hard asking for help and picking up the phone but they want to help and I think it might help to clear your thoughts a little.
Don't worry about meeting him, you did and its happened now, just don't be swayed bonkers what ever u do from now needs to be your choice not what other people are saying.
I really beg you to call someone samaritains are amazing, just to talk ?
Stay strong honey xx
Hello Bonkers, IDT is right, we can't tell you what to do but please re-read your posts when you were so frightened, it is wrong to have to live like that. Do you have a number for your local Women's Aid?
It is not a case of whether you still love him, love goes on a long time after things are done and dusted (I have got the T shirt to prove it!) it is a case of whether you are happy to be treated as he was treating you....as it is almost certain it will happen again.
We are here to talk to every day, Big Hug to you
Oh my ..thank you :) I am having a really angry week and i am not sure why ? Everything/everyone is getting me down ...i tried to tell my cousellor today ,but i just ended up saying i was fine ? I am not fine ..i am broken ..i am beating myself up because i wobbled ,i was a fool ......and now i am tourturing myself that i could,potentially, send this man to prison for upto 7 yrs ...why does that torment me so ?
I cannot stop crying ....i just wish i knew why i was feeling like this 7 weeks down the line .......i have go so far ,why is this happening now ?
Thank you so much for championing me ,it means a lot :)
x
Because your not a robot bonkers you have feelings, you I'm sure did have some good times together he's been in your life etc etc, just remember everything you feel is ok because it's your feelings allow yourself that and it is all perfectly normal.
My concern is that you talk to someone ... Open up a little to someone you trust , if you carnt do it with your councilor is there any one else you can trust or maybe a number we mentioned earlier.
You do not have to go through this alone.
I would suggest you re read this thread too x
We are here for as much and as long as you need.
I have actually picked up the phone tonight and poured my heart out ..it feels so good .... !
I have taken your advice and i am trying not to beat myself up ,all i can say is thank you !I feel like i am on a roller coaster ,one minute up ..the next down .....i would just like to find an even keel ? But i guess i know i am in for a much bumpier ride ..so am holding on for dear life i guess ?
IDT ,how are you ? How is life treating you at the moment ? Are the kiddies ok ,are YOU ok ?
Much love hun ..thank you ! xxx All of you !
I'm glad to here that, remember this is a tough time for you so use the resources around you, except all the help that's available and reach for more. I completely understand how you want to feel on the straight road again and trust me it will come just not yet, know that it will be a little bumpy, but know that you will get back to the straight road too ... It will come, hold on tight yes your right. I'm doing good thankyou I am comIng out the other side now I finally got the twunt out of our life's so to speak, I'm watching my kids this week really progressing now, iv got issues still but it's now more good than bad and my scales are starting to tip in my favor ;) it's took a f*** long time Don't forget take each bit at a time if not each day then each hour and so on , you will be fine and you will do it whatever you decide X
Great post, IDT, you are being so great in helping others who are going through similar to your own experiences. And yes, you ARE doing great 
Bonkers, rollercoaster is a good word! It takes a good while to settle down, remember the thing about writing down how you are feeling and just showing it to the counsellor> Glad you found someone to talk to, it does help. Stay steady, we are here for you
Good morning how are you doing today?
Keep talking it will help you to get through this x
Looks like a sunny say here today x
Thanks Louise it's probably helping me helping bonkers x
I have to add also IDT ,that your help has been invaluable to me ..your advice has been spot on ,and i took it too ! I phoned womans aid and i had a really good clear out so to speak ,i told her everything that i had not told my cousellor ,( talking to a complete stranger who cannot see me ..brilliant !) and suddenly exhaled ..felt great !
You do seem to be a very strong source of support IDT ,and yet you have your own problems to deal with too ..how amazing are you !.....Thank you from the bottom of my heart ,i do hope that you can lean on us too when in time of need ? Good :)
Feeling a bit better today despite hardly any sleep .that is quite possibly the root of many of my emotions ..sleep deprevation ..shocking ! But yep ..the sun is out ,the sky is blue ....no ,no wrong choice of song lol
Take care ,have a great day ..and thank you again ..all of you !
xxx
Hi bonkers, thankyou
When I with my ex I believed I could not break free and I was completely trapped
Once I realized I could leave if I wanted to I knew that I would need a lot of help, the police told too I'd need a lot of help and I knew it was true, so I grabbed and clung on to all the help I could and iv had probably had more than most people.
Iv absorbed what iv learnt and I'm just passing that to you. My problems I have now I'm still trying to figure out but I remember clearly being were you are now honey, I had a special person that helped me she was invaluable and I don't know her personally.
Tale care
How did that happen ;)
Good morning bonkers and IDT! How are you both?
bonkers it was brilliant to read that you called WA and got everything off your chest and it feels as though a weight has been lifted. I am so pleased. As IDT has said all of your emotions are completely normal and right for you, I'm afraid you are just going to have to ride the waves until this passes.
I also agree with IDT about pulling out all the stops, reach out for help any and everywhere, you will find it in the most surprising places! Is there a local Womens Aid you can attend whilst you ride this storm?
IDT, I notice that you managed to go back in time in your previous post! I don't know how it happened, but very clever!
Hi Bonkers, how are you doing? Are you managing to get a better nights sleep now?
Hi there ....and thank you for asking after me ! Tbh ...i am in a really bad place at the moment :( I feel so down i just cannot seem to pick myself up ..and i have no idea why ? I am sure everybody has times like this ..i have conflicting emotions as well ...hate and love,revenge and forgiveness ? Crazy uh !
But i know i will come through this eventually !
I hope everyone is doing well ? I am sorry i have not been here for a while ,i just have no good advice to give anyone ..i cannot even help myself !
Take care guys ,speak soon xx
Hi bonkers
I was wondering how you are doing x
It takes time, everyone kept saying this on here to me :) and they were right but at the time it's hard to see through the fog
Hope your looking after yourself keep posting I enjoy talking to you x
Hi bonkers, I am so glad that you came back on to let us know how you are. I am sorry to read that you are having a difficult time at the moment that is completely understandable. It might feel illogical all these crazy emotions, but just let them come and go, it is your brain trying to make sense of everything you have been through.
You found it really helpful to contact Womens Aid, I am wondering if you got any ongoing support from them? I am also wondering whether you have contacted Rape Crisis? 0808 802 9999 (12 - 2.30pm & 7 - 9.30pm)? You could find a local centre here.
Aside from that, tell me is there something that you could do now, that you weren't able to do whilst in your previous relationship?
Making you stronger but that doesnt mean it doesn't hurt!! :)