Hi,
Well tried to talk to eldest yesterday and yes she is feeling very confused. Her dad off loads a lot of his emotional stuff on her cause she`s the eldest and she said he`s told her that he`s very lonely and misses us and wishes he was back and he spends a lot of time alone and has little or no contact with his family and friends and this is worse since he split with his girlfriend. She said she feels really sorry for him and guilty too. Also she thinks i`m too hard on her for asking her to tidy up after herself all the time and wishes i`d stop giving her a hard time. She thinks everyone ( including my parents - her grandparents have a low opinion of her at the min & she`s feeling lost and alone ).
i reassured her we love her to bits and she shouldn`t take her dads problems on board ( i will have to talk to ex about this ). Also told her we all are very proud of her she works hard at school, gets good grades and has lovely friends. This made a big difference and she was visibly relieved and gave me a hug. I told her that she is responsible for tidying up after herself and i will ease up if she makes a little more effort and she agreed. She`s had a little strop today but nothing like the last ones and she didn`t go off and sulk. I definately need to reconnect with her more and make some special time just for us but that`s quite a challenge as i always have youngest daughter too but i`ll ask my parents to look after her, while i spend time with eldest and hopefully we can improve on things even more. I know this is going to be a challenge for some time yet and i`m by no means an expert but i hope things improve because both my girls have had a tough time and need some love & security right now. Ex needs to play his bit too!
Thanks for the advice and i`ll keep you posted 
.
A xxxx
Aww, i am glad you have had a chat with your daughter Manc-lass, it sounds like its done the trick for now and your right we do have to make that concious effort to spend individual time with each of our children, i am aware how difficult that can be when you are on your own and have more than one child, i have to juggle four of them 
It's a great idea sending your other daughter to your parents.
Hope you enjoy the rest of the bank holiday
Sounds as if she's listening to what your saying.
I do hope your ex will take it on board and do his bit too.
It is good if your parents will help.
With my four, no parents and the in-laws (although wonderful) would never have them without me... They're tremendous support to each other though. I still say Scouts was what got my eldest through a lot of things. A great Scout leader, who son respected, and probably the main male role model he has had.
I hope you're feeling ok Manc-lass. You're handling things so well.
Hi again.
Thanks Anna & Sparklinglime for your comments. Apart from my parents who work full-time themselves and are also supporting my brother who recently split from wife ( has 3 children ), i don`t have anyone else to look after girls which as you say is a common problem for single parents. I only ask my parents as a last resort as i know they have a lot on themselves. My youngest refuses to go to her dads without eldest so thats not an option either. My parents are going to have youngest for one nite over weekend so i`m going to plan some girly time ( shopping and a movie ) with eldest so really looking forward to that.
Sparklinglime I fully agree with your comments re ` scouts`. Both my girls go to a Youth Drama Group and whilst its fun they still have to learn work hard & show respect to the staff running it, as well as making friends and i`m told they are good kids and well behaved so i definately think it helps them to develop and instill confidence.
On a last note, i had a great Bank Holiday watching all the Jubilee festivities and that amazing concert! Very proud to be British right now. Roll on the Olympics!
Hope you all had a good one too.
A xxxx
Yes, I loved the weekend too
Hope the time with your eldest will go well. I have seen the thing where a parent offloads onto the eldest child quite a lot, although I have to say that it more often occurs with the parent who has day to day care. You did absolutely the right thing in telling her that her dad's problems are not her responsibility, and this time with her will reinforce the "security" of home.
Hi Manc-lass, was it this weekend that your youngest was staying with your parents or the next?
I am so glad that you got to talk to your eldest, of course it is not her responsibility, but it is natural for her to worry about her dad. I am annoyed that now he has split with his girlfriend - now, he misses you all, typical!
Do your girls go to bed at the same time?
Hi everyone,
Youngest is staying at my parents on Friday so plan to go shopping with eldest and maybe a movie after, we`ll see how it goes. Eldest went back to school today after 1/2 term break and obvious she was glad to be back amongst her friends. Both girls generally go to bed within 1/2 hour of each other approx 8.30pm and never had any probs getting up for school.
They are staying at their dad`s on Saturday as `father`s day on sunday` but eldest doesn`t want to stay so not sure yet what to do, as i know he`ll be less than impressed but i understand why she doesn`t want to go. He has rung twice this week and only spoken to youngest, didn`t ask to speak to eldest and told yongest he was all alone and she said his voice sounded ` croaky` ( can you believe it ! ) and she got upset after call ended saying she was worried about him. Seems he wants to stress both girls out!!!! All i can do is keep reminding them that his problems aren`t theirs, but its hard for them both at the minute.
i`ll let you know how the weekend goes.
Take Care 
A xxxx
Hello Mancs Lass
I am sorry to hear that the girls are having to go through this. It is not a child's job to look after a parent's emotional health. I am not suggesting that you say it as bluntly as that to the girls as that but I think maybe reminding them gently that he is a grown up and may well be trying to get everyone to feel sorry for him would not go amiss.
Hope this will be a better week
Hi Manc-lass, it sounds as though your daughter may be feeling a little unstable. In your previous post, her dad frightened her by smashing the DVD player in front of them with a hammer. He has also split with his girlfriend so emotionally all over the place too. It sounds as though you and your ex are suddenly getting on slightly better and maybe she is feeling confused.
Is there any chance you can have a one to one quality afternoon with her, mum and daughter, so you can become friends again and have a chat?