I cant say my real name so ill call myself Summer, hi everyone, im new on here.
Im a single mother with 2 girls aged 2 and 4
We went through dv and have moved 5 times in past 2 years however im glad i found this site as still 2 years later im struggling with it all the main problem i have at the moment is My whole life is a big lie
I have to lie to everyone i meet, my name is a lie, my address is a lie,
everything is a lie, i cant trust anyone and no one can get close to me
and know the truth but this is the way it has to be. Its tough living
like that, lonely but i have no choice, the reason i do it is to protect us. Me and daughters so im glad to find others here similar
My lies started with my parents to protect them from what was happening
to me!
I have 3 names, the one i was born with, one for strangers.. people we
dont know and my new legal name which only my family and important
people like schools, doctors know
We had to leave everyone and everything from the past even close friends
behind and start a new life slowly children getting new friends but they can
never be real friends as we have to lie to them, at some point we have to
leave them behind. Easier for me now not so easy for children, however
its better than watching their mother being battered or walking on
eggshells so not to upset their father.
Its starts with a neigbour or childs school friends mother asking my
name and where im from and just normal questions people ask on a first
meet, what i have to tell them is a lie. We dont answer the door or the
phone without an appointment or knowing who it is
If i ever have a relationship i can see big problems so at the moment i
dont enter this territory. This can get lonely but its the way it is, i cant emotionally or physically go near a man romatically
I have an online social life this is also a lie i have a made up name
and address. i choose things like facebook as this is the most
comfortable way to socialise...adult conversation and chatting,
laughter, sometimes flirting but its harmless as they cant find me or
know me, my personality is the real me but my details a lie, i call it
my sanity
We do it because life got so bad and we never wish
to be there again. We dont want to be one of the horror films made when
people run from a nut job, run from living hell to be found and either
the horror continues or someone dies.
Constantly looking over shoulder as we know if he found us we would be in big trouble.
Its not all bad and gloomy though for now we are safer and we
are always one step ahead and nothing can be as bad as it was. We are
building on self worth, esteem, confidence
We dont need or want sympathy we have each other me and the girls and
our bond is so special, there is lots of laughter and love in my home
and this is the only thing in our life that is not a lie and kids are ALL that keeps me going
Summer (a lie lol)
Hi Summer
Welcome to one space.
It really is a great site.
Life sounds difficult but I admire your courage and the upbeat sound that you give off in your post xxx
I have 5 children, 24, 20, 17, 16 and 9 boy each end and 3 girls in the middle xxx
Hello Summer74
How fantastic that you have got away from the violence.You are very welcome here 
As for the "lies", are they really? When you give your new name, you are telling people who you are NOW, not the woman who was battered. What do they say: "Now you have a different song to sing"
Have you come across The Freedom Programme? Have a look at the link to this other part opf our site and there is lots of information about the programme and other aspects of violent relationships. You will also see there are others here who have shared your experience. See here for an example of just one of those threads
Do stay with us and we can give you support and online friendship as you experience your new life.
I knew someone on another site, a few years back, who was in a similar situation. They have moved many, many miles away from their home and, last time I heard, were building a new life and enjoying the freedom that came with it. Accepting that she did have to leave her 'old ' life behind.
Hoping that this time you have some peace for you and your children to build a new life.
Looking forward to chatting.
Hi
Thanks for all for the responce , feel very welcome here and looking forward to this site and chatting
Louise i would love to go on the freedom program just waiting for enough interest where i am, i was offered one but too far away with the little one at Nursery a short time so fingers crossed, i am booked on the next break the cycle for my eldest as she suffered most...looking forward to that. Sure Start have been amazing
We will move quite far on next move as i think the more distance the less easy it is for abuser ..so far we have sent him to prison and had all the orders possible but he didnt serve long and there will be a time he can start his control again when applying for child contact or if he ever finds us
xx
Hello Summer74
Ideally you can find somewhere you can settle more permanently and put down new roots. Sorry that there is not a Freedom Programme near you at the moment. You could consider buying the book from Amazon: Living With the Dominator
Hi Summer. Welcome along to One Space. What an incredible lady you are. A shocking story!! I do hope you stay safe, and one day feel secure enough to stay in one place. I look forward to 'chatting'. It is a lovely site, extremely friendly, and supportive. Take care. I hope you have a good weekend.
x
Hi Summer74
Great to meet you! You have a great username and you need tell no lies on these boards, you can just be you!
Hi Summer.
Wow i can not even imagine what you and your girls are going through but you have found a good site for general chit chat . The chit chat room is a good place to talk to others. Hope you are o.k. at the moment
I have a little 2 year old DD