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Morning,
im hoping someone has been through a similar situation to me and can tell me where i stand legally?
my partner has, again, just called things off with me. Totally out the blue, we were talking things through, talking about living together etc but 3 days ago said wrote me a letter to say he didn't feel the same way about me as I did about him, he didn't look forward to seeing me blah blah... He's done all this before, and as soon as I start to move on he came sniffing round again.
hes in the army and has just been posted abroad. He didn't have to take this job but has chosen to, therefore leaving his children behind for 2 years in another country, he leaves In 2 weeks. We have a 15 month old baby together. He says he is going to come back at least once a month to see him, as well as his other 2 kids from his previous marriage.
now, he has never had our baby for more than 1 night overnight by himself, and it's always been in my (baby's) home. He obviously won't be taking our baby back out the country once a month, so I said he can stay at mine with him and I'll stay out. He says no, he doesn't want to stay at mine with him, even though he was here all last weekend!!
he seems to think it's ok to take our baby from pillar to post staying at friends houses with him, and I assume his other 2? Our baby has only ever stayed out overnight at my sisters home with me there too. I've told the ex that its not fair to be dragging baby around to strange places, this is why I offered to stay out so he can sleep here. After the way he has treated me again I don't think I'm being unreasonable?
But he said a blunt no. And now is threatening me with going to a solicitor.
he doesnt have a home to take our baby to, no cot, bedding, no stair gates, nothing!
if he goes to a solicitor, where do I stand? I firmly believe its not in our baby's best interests to be driven for hours on end to stay at random houses overnight.
Has anyone been through something similar, and what happened?
thank you
Hello there Needsomeadvice,
Imdoingthis is right here - with no fixed abode, your ex partner is not in a position to ask for/demand overnight access. I went to mediation with my daughter's father regarding similar expectations when she was a little older (around 2 years) and even pre-court the 'powers that be' are adamant about routine, equipment and familiar surroundings for little ones.
Why not check out the situation with our on site legal expert (if you haven't already) - I've posted the link for you here.
Thanks guys, was was thinking along the same lines of him having Jo fixed abode... Just have to wait and see if he does go to a solicitor and see what the outcome is?
how did things get to this?! It's a horrible situation x
It wouldn't hurt just to check things out with our legal expert (you'll have to wait a few days for a response anyway) - that way, you'll know what happens next if he decides to take things further. Fore warned is fore armed and all that...
I know; I used to ask myself the same question when things were at their worst with A's dad - all we ever want is a quiet life and what is best for our children and some times it seems like the most difficult thing to achieve doesn't it?
Keep in touch - let us know how things work out for you x
I've submitted a form, so see what they advise.
this site is brilliant, I've been so so worried about what may happen and didn't know I could get free legal advise or advise from someone who's been through similar. I stumbled across it on google!
its hard isn't it, I only wanted us to all be a family, but he seems to think he's 20 and single.... It's a shame :( x
It is a shame and hopefully one day he will turn around and realise how important he is to his children and try and make up for it.
It sounds as though you are prepared to be very accomodating, it might be worth keeping a notes diary showing that you have offered overnight stay at yours when he is on leave. And then everything else that happens from here on in, it can be very useful if or when it goes to court.
How are you coping with his flippant attitude to your relationship? This must feel very hurtful. If he came back with apologies etc would you take him back at this point?
his flippancy has shocked me. He's been telling me things for months, talking about our future etc and then leaves me a scrappy note saying he doesn't feel the same, two weeks before he moves abroad!!
I've still not heard back from the legal expert, shall let you know what he/she says when I get a reply.
hes coming to see our baby this weekend, refuses to stay overnight even though I've said I'll stay out, so got to face him tomorrow eek x
id get a residency order if i was you, think you have enough grounds to get one
its basically a piece of paper from a court to say the baby lives with you. safeguarding the baby.
u dont need a solicitor, the forms available to collect from the court office, costs a bit, about 200 pounds, u attend the hearing, say ur concerns, judge grants u order, he can turn up if he wants, if he demands contact, judge will see its in babies best interests. if he hasnt got a place called home, then judge wont give him overnight access, will prob give him a couple of hours in a suitable setting.
That sounds like a great solution, chocolate81.
What do you think, Needsomeadvice? I hope things go smoothly this weekend - I understand your anxiety about your ex's visit.
Hi there Needsomeadvice (NSA!),
I was just re reading your first post. I think once the break up of your relationship has settled and your child is older, that what your now-ex is suggesting isn't such a bad thing, it is what he can manage. However up until this point, things do need to be more settled. Your baby is not a toy and needs 24 hour care.
I hope that you have heard back from our legal adviser, it can take up to 7 days for a response.
So NSA, how did the weekend go? Did he visit at yours? Did he stay long? How is your heart holding up?
Well as it stands now the baby is in your care full time so it's up to you who the baby goes with and when, if you chose not to let him out of your sight that's your choice.
It's best if two parents can agree on acsess but this is not always possible.
I don't believe he would be granted overnight acsess if he has no permanent acomadation, he needs to provide like you say cot etc and if he's in the army that's not likely to happen in the near future is it.
I wouldn't worry too much about this for now, if he does go to a solicitor I'm sure he'd be advised he carnt have overnight contact with no fixed address.
X