Stumbled upon this website, whilst emotional and drained from dealing with ex. I left four years ago after living in LD for ten years during which I was subject to emotional, verbal, psychological, sexual and physical abuse, once whilst pregnant. I repressed all his actions and didn't tell anyone what I had endured, until I moved back to the south. As well as having a drugs habit, he drank and it would be a weekly event that I would need to flee the house in the middle of the night with my children to seek refuge at a friend's. He was seen as wonderful by my children and they lacked respect for me he would encourage them to sing racially abusive songs to me (I am Anglo Indian) and any form of discipline I tried to instil in them was undermined by him.
Despite this I studied for my PGCE whilst living with him and held down jobs as lecturers and then Manager of Learndirect Centre. I moved back home with my parents leaving all my furniture and possessions in the north. Got myself a flat and found a job as Head of Curriculum in an Adult Education College
. I have a fantastic life I feel with lots of friends, great job and family but have found that my repressed feelings about my life with my ex have impacted on my ability to have a relationship with men and my emotions are still raw. I am undertaking the Freedom programme to try to come to terms with my domestic abuse and have a court case currently to try and stop my ex seeing the children in his home as I am not confident about the care he provides them. He has also not paid a penny in maintenance for them.
I never found it a challenge to be a single parent as basically my ex never provided for me financially emotionally or whatever so in fact I felt I was in a better position as a single parent without having to deal with his dreadful behaviour but I can understand that some people are more dependent on their partners.
I am a positive person and love life and just regret not leaving sooner
Hi MissFrances and welcome from me too!
It sounds as though you are a very strong woman and have achieved a lot in your life. However you have been running on empty for quite a while I imagine and now is time to start rebuilding your self esteem and trust in yourself.
Is it time to seek some counselling? Do you find the Freedom Programme is building your confidence?
Hello MissFrances
No need for regrets, what's done is done and let's move forward. There's something about abusive relationships that keeps us there.....any of us who has been in one knows that well.
So...welcome to One Space. You could also try out our Freedom Programme online, This will help you to look at the relationship you have left and your own feelings. Also have a look at our article about Trust.
You have done so well to survive what has happened, so be very proud of yourself