Hi everyone,
I can't remember if I've introduced myself officially so doing it now!!.
I've been a single parent for 10 yrs to my 12 and 6 yr old daughters and feel rather long suffering by now:( .
I've managed quite well until this year through the sanity of work and huge support of my mother, even managing to complete two years of a long wished for university degree. Unfortunately, I injured myself quite badly last summer which took time to recover from and my mother passed away earlier this year which resulted in me suspending the final year of my degree. I moved towns to be nearer to my dad to support him and also my girls schools are here so better all round for them. It's great as they have joined clubs and are nearer their friends. I, however, have found it really hard being home alone, not knowing many people as I'm not from here. This compounded with the loss of my mum has left me feeling quite isolated and to be honest a little insecure in raising my girls totally alone.
I'm really hoping that I can find some support from you lovely people and also offer support as well :)
Hello Poppy 10
You are very welcome here!
I hope you are better from your injury. So sorry about your dear mum, I know you must miss her very much, but what I say is hurrah for your mum and all the help she gave you. She gave you lots of support and now you are stronger and YOU CAN DO THIS!
It sounds as if you are feeling pretty lonely right now...well to start with you now have US 
if you would like to be part of a friendly and supportive online group. I know you will want to meet people locally in your area as well, see our helpful article entitled Making New Friends (click)
Are you working at the moment? or is it a case of resuming your degree course?
Thanks Sparklinglime and Louise.
It's a little overwhelming putting yourself out there and people taking the time to reply and offer support!!.
My mum had been ill for most of her life, and then became terminal two years before she passed. She was a remarkable woman who rarely complained and who we often secretly thought was super human.
I agree Louise with your Hurrahh for her. I was immensely lucky to have her support for as long as I did. It's hard to extricate the loss of our relationship as mother and daughter with her relationship as grandmother. Before I became a single mum, my mum and I were really close but were geographically distant so could enjoy our relationship. I feel that once I became a single mum our roles/ especially hers changed and we lost a part of ourselves. And her role as grandmother became almost firefighting rather than joyful.
This is the first time I've formalised these thoughts so I will stop there. I just wander whether other single parents have experienced this relationship shift with their parents?....
How insightful Poppy 10 
My experience of it is that when I became a parent, things changed...and that was when I was married. I especially felt this with my dad...as if the baby had "superseded" me somehow. I did chat with him about this and his response was "Don't be silly" (as all my parents' responses were to anything emotional....no wonder I had to become a counsellor haha) When my marriage ended they were just relieved as things had been so horrendous, and they did help me out financially. They lived 70 miles away so I still had that distance, I understand what you mean about the roles changing, I agree that being close to them geographically puts a different spin on it.
So how are things with you and your dad now?
Good evening!,
Sorry for the late reply, I've not been on for a while. In answer to your question Louise about my dad.
I'm fortunate to have a good relationship with him. It has been hard for him as he is from the generation of 'stiff upper lipper's' and we have had to establish a new relationship as 'mum' used to deal with these things!!. My youngest daughter adores him and I am so fortunate that she has him as a positive male role model in her life.
He does have my girls to stay from time to time which is great but he struggles as my mum was the conventional woman when we were growing up and so he has not done it on his own. He's not one to stop what he's doing to put the needs of the child first which worrys me at times.
I don't have any other family or friends who offer to have the girls to give me respite so I miss the support of my mum accutely. Strangely it took me to meet 20/21 yr olds to receive offers of fun days out and sleepovers with the children ( previously friends without children had always viewed them as a burden!). Sadly these friends are students who obviously will continue their own path and leave us behind:) :(.
I'm beginning to feel I may have to force myself into a relationship in order to stop the exclusion and lonliness......sad times
Hi Poppy10
Being lonely is not a good reason for falling into another relationship, not fair on you or the other person. Concentrate on friends for the time being. Did you look at the article we posted above about this?
Your girls are not tiny, they are old enough to be left with a sitter ou can find one by asking at local nurseries, for example. You could do an evening class or an exercise class? Or have you considered joining your local church? Even if you are not particularly religious, there are often ready made family activities and a subsitute family there, I had a lovely friendshiip with an older lady who used to help with my youngest and I would take her shopping etc, you might have to try a few churches to find the best one. If money is very tight, and let's face it that is a problem for most of us, I wonder if your dad could help out with paying for a sitter?
Hiya,
Louise you're right and apologise for being flippant!. It's not just about being lonely and no of course that's not a good reason to start a relationship. It just makes it easier to fit in and be included sometimes. I've been guilty of doing this in the past and have been on the receiving end, I hope my two years of singledom is testimony to moving away from this!!.
I had to laugh at your suggestions. My dad is in fact a lay preacher and I was brought up in the church. I have considered the church, in this town 98% are over the age of 60 plus I have issues with the church. My youthful uni friends are active christians and attend a youthful church in their city an hours drive away!. Plus church is a relationship and the reasons for joining should be true!!
I have tried singing groups (everyone runs off at the end) and excersise groups (not good!) in the past. I signed up for a Clait course with a childminding service atatched thinking "great, bound to meet some parents". No, full of lovely retired people learning how to e-mail!!. I met a lovely 75yr old lady who I shared a few cuppas with but not really the answer.
This sounds so riduculous but is true. I technically know where to look for opportunities but it just isn't happening. Although..saying that I bought a fridge/freezer through an ad in the paper and the lady selling it has a daughter and we're going to a bonfire party this weekend together, so serendipity is finally shining ion me!!
Yes it is!!!
I wasn't suggesting that people should go to church with no belief, many of us have degrees of belief but have never thought of ourselves as churchgoers, that's all.
I think the trouble is that making friends is such a long progress that it can feel very frustrating. When I first became a single parent I really did try everything going to find a new life for myself and I have to say that most of the things were dire, most of the people much older than me and some were just plain rude.
What are you doing about our Uni degree, are you going back?
Hi
I'm so sorry you've lost your Mum. I can understand how you feel really, as I know I was lost when my Mum died - it will be 16 years this Christmas, and I still miss her so much.
My lot are getting on a bit now, with my oldest at 20 and youngest 13.
I've just come in from Scouts. I'm the local leader (those poor young people!), and while it may not have brought me a social life I hoped for, it has brought new friends into my life.
Be kind to you. It took a while for me to learn to live without my Mum (my Dad had died five years before her).