Hi I`m new to this site.
I have a 16 year old son to a previous marriage, and a little girl who is 5, her dad and I split up 2 years ago.
At first we were amicable and friendly, then he got a new girlfriend and things have gone down hill fast. It is not my doing though, I would of been happy to be nice to her, it is from her. She has totally turned my ex against me, she banned all contact, she sends me abusive texts, she has verbally abused me in front of our daughter and he just stands there and lets her. He has also stopped paying maintenance, something that used to disgust him as my ex husband never paid maintenance for my son who was only 8 at the time. They also have thrown clothing in the bin that I have sent my daughter in, even brand new clothes from Next.
I don`t understand my ex anymore, he used to be a family man, he has changed so much and I just seem to be stuck in an endless nightmare.
It gets you so down, wondering what bad behaiviour will be next, and trying to chase CSA up all the time, worrying about money. Doesn`t he realise how this will affect his daughters homelife.
Hi Jacee. This is a link about the CSA, chasing them up etc. here Don't know if it will help you in anyway.
Hi
I think they become blind to it as they're not living it. In my case I think he chose a new path in life and has thoroughly enjoyed following it.
If he doesn't want contact, then unfortunately you can't do much about it. It is sad, especially for your daughter who muct be totally confused. With my lot I would tell them that Daddy was busy, but loved them very much.
Again, with my case, he would text the day before he felt able to see the children. I have to say with each girlfriend, he did see less of the children, and it more or less ground to a halt after he met fiance mark III who he married.
Would it be an idea to change your sim card to stop the texts? You could possibly swap sims once or twice a week to check for texts. If he does ask to see her, perhaps just suggest a few hours so no extra clothes would be needed.
The Git would keep clothes - including school uniforms when the children were staying over. I was never quite sure if something that started off with him thinking he was doing me a favour as in washing them turned into a game though...
Good luck with things though.
After meeting his new girlfriend he started messing me about, I`d turn up to nursery to pick her up and he wouldn`t of taken her, also refusing to bring her back at the arranged time. I ceased contact as I lost my trust in him. He took me to court and since 4 weeks ago he has her every alternate weekend fri from school to mon at school and every wednesday over nite. His girlfriend helps her with her homework and writes her name as stepmum in the helpers name box, to which I scribble out and put her real name. She has a non uniform day on wednesday, I don`t know what to send her in as I don`t want her to look scruffy but I know I won`t get the clothes back and there is nothing I can do about it.
Hi Jacee
You are welcome here.
I am sure you are right that it is the new relationship that has changed things. However , let's not blame her entirely, it is your daughter's father who has the ultimate responsibility here. I am glad to hear that you have now involved the CSA, as it is important that you have money coming in regularly.
Now I understand 100% how infuriating it is to have her as "stepmum" in the reading record but you rubbing it out etc is just sinking to their level. What you need to do is to rise above the pettiness, after all you want to minimise the effect on your daughter. As far as the non Uniform day goes, let your daughter CHOOSE what she wants to wear, rather than struggle with whether to send good or old clothes. Then send a text to your ex saying "Just wanted to explain that it is a non unifrom day on Wednesday so I am letting her choose what she wants to wear, I will put her uniform in her overnight bag, please return her non-uniform clothes in her bag, thank you." On other days, I would just send old clothes (not scruffy) If he complains, suggest politely he buys her a new outift. Do not sink into playing their games.
Is the contact with her dad subject to a court order?
Please read this article as well, it is one of the hardest things in the world to see our beloved child making a relationship with someone who has hurt us, but this is what you must try to do, for your daughters' sake.
Hi Jacee. Welcome along
It certainly does sound as if he's changed since he met her. Keep all texts, and write everything down that is being done to you by her. This might come in very handy if you decide to take things further. She has no right to speak to you in the manner she is. It does sound like she is maybe jealous of how amicable things were between you and ex, and even a bit of controlling going on between her and him. (her controlling him I mean). Regarding the clothing, I wouldn't send your daughter in anything from Next anymore, let her wear something old. They shouldn't be throwing any sort of clothing of your daughters in the bin. Please keep posting as others will be along at some point.
How long has he been involved with this woman? Am just thinking, hopefully with a bit of luck, he'll wake up one morning, and see her for what she is. Is there any possiblity that you can speak to him without her being around?