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I just really need to get some stuff off my chest so im about to explode......ok so I clearly told my ex (daughters father) that I don't need to be told anything about his baby who is due later this year as its none of my business, we both have our own life's and what ever he does is his own business unless of course it involves OUR child.....so he had a visit last week and I decided to do it outside of my home (the usual meeting place) i thought doing it in a public place would in a way force him to interact with A but it went the total opposite way and he hardly even spoke or played with her, he just sat there with her on his lap stearing into space which of course she was getting bored and kept reaching for me (she is also going thou the separation anxiety stage) we was at the local pool so we also went swimming, he just sat on the steps bearly in the water and when I passed A to him he paid no attention and her mouth kept going under water so I had to "remind" him constantly to keep her above water...then after, I got myself some lunch and he looked at me asif to say Where's Mine, is this guy for real!! the meeting ended with him getting up as soon as it hit finish time, no goodbyes to me or A and he just walked ofF, I didn't even realise he had left at first!!!! Then yesterday I had a txt from him telling me he & his girlfriend went for a baby scan , no mention of "how is A?" NOTHING, seriously why is he telling me, I already made it clear that it's nothing to do with me, if he's trying to make me jealous it's far from working, it's just P-ing me off coz he don't seem to care about A but happily txts me about some other kid....if i mention it to him he will start raising his voice and I don't want that kinda stuff around A
Not in a big headed way but I know I'm 10000 times the person and parent he is and I often laugh about him, it's either laugh or strangle him lol....I just sit there at his visits thinking "why do u even bother coming?" I know A won't grow up expecting much out of him because he has never given much but it's getting to the point where I want to change my phone number or just not open his txts full stop....why would I care that he has gone for a scan?!!! is he going to message me every time or during the birth??? he doesn't quite understand that I'm not part of his life and I only talk to him because I have too. I never mention him to friends and I hardly ever talk about him to family, only to let them know how visits go if they ask- I have no need to mention him but then he does things like txt asking how "my" day is not "a's" and it makes me dislike him even more, he's like alittle rat trying to get into my life and I can't squash him because I would never to that to A, her feelings always come first no matter how I feel about her father, I know I can't force him to be afads but I just wish be would bloody make the effort, any one could turn up for a visit for afew hours, don't mean they care and I'm honestly staring to think that he doesn't love her and just sees her as a inconvinance
Time will tell, as the new baby arrives, I guess. Glad that you realise that you are a great mum 
Hi Tinkerbell, I feel your frustration. My ex was exactly the same, when he met little angel for the first time in 3 years, he seemed more concerned with the fact he hadnt seen me in 3 years! He told me how well I looked, asked how I was coping (mentioning he heard I was recently single) and telling me if I ever need anyone to talk to he was there for me - as if!!! He even had the cheek to tell his daughter to go play a min while he had a word with mum, the sad thing is she is old enough to see it with her own eyes and after just one visit with her dad she came home telling me how dad was still in love with me! God knows what that does for her self esteem.
I was wondering was your ex ever interested when you was pregnant? Some men (and women) seem to link their love for their child with the status of the relationship with the childs mum, so when mum and dad are together and happy dad is great with kids when they split dad just cant be bothered. I know a few men like that.
I left him when I was three months pregnant because of his lack of intreast in me and the baby, I was pregnant before I got pregnant with A (lost baby) and even with that baby he didn't really serm to care (I was to blind to see it) . He came to some scans and acted proud to mates but I received very little money towards baby or txts to see how things were going which was strange considering I was a high risk pregnancy and scanned every month. I actually ran into a friend who was with a mate who I had never met before- cut a long story short, he has been messaging this girl sexual messages even though he has a pregnant girlfriend at home and this girl wasn't awarof he had a gf let alone a pregnant one. I don't want any part of it as its none of my business but I guess once a prat always a prat and I feel very sorry for his girlfriend as she will be hurt by him and so will their poor innocent child but that again isn't my business. as much as I hate to say it I hope A realises what he's like from an early age instead of feeling hurt or rejected by her father, no good parent would want to see that...I use thit honk he loved her but in his own special way but now I don't even think that, he comes, near enough blanks her, she crys for me Probely out of boredom, he takes a pic of her, leaves without a goodbye and then post pic on Facebook pretending he has done a million things with her though out the visit....I pity him that he hasrot live a lie and make a relationship with his daughter up
His behaviour does sound very inconsistent, Tinkerbell2 and as you say this new girlfriend has it all to discover... By the way, how is the hygiene issue? I notice that you met him on neutral territory this time and wondered if that was part of the reason. Surely his girlfriend would mention it to him?
I am sure you are doing the right thing by standing back, by the way, just let it play itself out with regard to the girlfriend.
Oh yes I intend too, I feel the girlfriend thing is none of my business and I don't wish to get involved. My only concern is him and our child! I didn't sit close enough to get a wif of him but thought maybe the swimming pool idea would also be good to get some water on his skin lol, no seriously thou all jokes aside I'm unsure if his gf has mentioned the B.O issue to him , maube she has, maybe she hasnt- he's hardly going to tell me but from what I'm told by friends I'm not the only one to notice, I think I've already had to tell him twice so now it's down to him if he wants to smell....I feel that the visits out side my home made no difference in his behaviour towards A and I'm Probely stupid to think it would of, I thought maybe a public place with people around would kinda force him to interact with her but if anything he acted worse...I don't pertically want him in my home as I feel he is too comfy there/ our lifes should stay seperate and he stinks it out.....so now I'm in the situation of public or back to mine when neither places work well (contact centre said they won't accept us as his visits are often canceled and they won't allow the space for non frequent visits)
Hi Tinkerbell2, you are doing a fine job! Your reason for going to the swimming baths made me smile
If you were to say to him that you don't want contact in your house anymore and asked where and what he wanted to do, would that help? I think he needs to be taking responsibility for this decision.
I I could ask but as he lives hours away he has no idea what around my area or plsces to go so he would prob just say its up to me
I I could ask but as he lives hours away he has no idea what around my area or plsces to go so he would prob just say its up to me
I I could ask but as he lives hours away he has no idea what around my area or plsces to go so he would prob just say its up to me
Thats tricky, but he could still find out what happens in your area if he has access to the internet!!
Yeah that's very true, I guess there's no harm in asking him :)
Oh Tinkerbell2 how absolutely infuriating! (although really that was a bit funny when he was surprised you hadn't got him any lunch, wasn't it? I bet you had a snigger amongst all your annoyance
) The thing that I would have found most difficult is him not looking after A in the water, though. GRRRR.
Do you know, my honest opinion is that a good way to handle this would be to do two things...1. say to yourself that you will not be surprised or shocked, whever he does next (however insensitive or annoying) and also 2. say to yourself that you are better than this, and can rise above it and just hold fast to the fact that you are doing the right thing and that you are a fab mum to A.
And we are here whenever you want to get things off your chest