hi, a lot has happened and i have a court hearing on the 21st dec, i don't know what to do, i think that its a hearing to sort out who my child is with at christmas and it had already been discussed that she is with me christmas day and her dads boxing day, anyway its still worrying as i can't have my solicitor because of legal aid has not been sorted out due to my self employment and also his side, last time the court ordered he has a alchol and health test this hasn't been done, we have child on protection order because ss are involved and say shes had emotional abuse because of our split but the truth is he is a emotional abuser and thats why i'm not with him, they dont know our life, it's complicated as i had ss involved years ago with my other children, but he has health issues and alcoholic, he threatened me and strangled me and even though police reports are available he managed to twist everything around and got ss on his side, at mo she has a guardian and i want to know what it says in her report? isn't it my right to know what she has said? he wanted me to be sent to prison because when we split i damaged his car whilst he was in it and he said i tried to kill him, ridiculas when it was in broad daylight and they didn't see he has chased me beforehand, then that didn't happen so he threatened to have me and my mums face to be cut up, he then wanted ss to take her into care but that didn't happen when they realised one year later that he lies constantly, now he wants residence?
i have residence she has been with me all her life i also have phobited steps order where he kept taking her from me and school and i had no contact with her until i got to court
i am exhausted of fighting him and ss, police, courts and want to protect my child but it just seems impossible with this justice system which doesn't work, when i have tried to stick up for myself and tell them his evil lies know one beleives me, i can't afford legal help and don't know how to stop him winning his games
Hiya:)
Sorry to hear of you troubles and i hope you and your daughter are ok.
Ive been through a similar experience myself and i know how hard it is to prove emotional abuse. Especially in court. My ex also strangled me. When he was arrested he if course denied all knowledge and said i was making it up but he has been charged so ill find out the out come in may when it goes to court. I stopped contact between him and my children after that so he dragged me through the courts this year. Unfirtunatly he was granted access. I know its very daunting but you have to try to stay stong for your kid if nothing else. Court isnt as scary as i imagined it to be just make sure you know your rights. Contact womens aid or your local citizens advice. Theyll be able to help. I was there at the start of dec regarding xmas. He wanted them on xmas day and i refused. I told the judge how much it would upset me and the children if they were not in there own home on xmas day and was willing for them to go to his on boxing day and the judge agreed with me. My solicitor told me its very rare for a judge to rule that the kids are taken from there home on xmas day so i wouldnt worry to much.
The thing about abusers is they can twist everything and lie and have the ability to make everyone believe them and not you. As long as you are doing your best for your daughter and looking after her properly then ss cant say anything against you. If you are bringing up your children properly and in a loving environment then they cant possibly take your children from you. I hope this helps:) And good luck xx
Hi,
Thanks for your reply, i have rang citizens advice and they said call in the morning, i think that court has been councilled as guardian asked me can we negotiate contact over christmas so shes asking him if he is ok with it, i really hope he is because i too am not prepared for him to get his own way all the time and she has a large family with myself expecting to enjoy time with her, and why does he want residence now when he has never asked before it just him trying to get to me, he is pathetic anyway i will let you all know just keep an eye on this space, i would like to see changes in the court system on how they listen to abusive liars ignoring us. the way i see it is i had 6 years off hell then i got away and it continued plus have hell with ss and police and courts wheres the help and support i had noone on my side and solicitor didn't understand what he was doing it's wrong and something should be done about it. Yes it is important that i know my rights
bye4now take care ....
Hi. Sorry that you're going through this. Does your ex get supervised contact or is he on his own when he has her? I would say that he's going to court etc, because that is the only thing he can control you with now maybe? If your daughter has always lived with you, I can't see him getting residency either. Do let us know what happens. Did you ring Women's Aid?
hi, he doesn't have supervised thats what i wanted for the last 2 years but he has her weekends from friday after school until monday morning every fortnight and also every alternate wednesday. He lives with a stranger a bloke and i'm not happy about but ss say it ok, well my brothers freind knows this bloke that lives with him and he is a womaniser often bringing different young girls to the house, but ss can't ever catch him out so they say everythings ok
they believe his lies and even say he seems like the better parent, the keep asking my girl who she want to live with shes only 6, she was 5 when they got involved. this is been going on for a year now and i'm sick of it. i was applying to court for supervised visits and wanted to get a injunction against him for harrassments and threats but the court said i can't because of child contact and ss involvement they put her on child protection
the law is crap, if i was allowed to take this case to a cival court he'd problaby be locked up by now but instead i had no help and was looked upon as the criminal because of all the false allegations and lies slander. How come he can threaten to cut my face up and nothing is done, police just said i should have filmed it
i have no faith in this stupid law system
i have spoken to womans aid and any of these helplines but although its been a support i really need legal help but need it free as i dont have any money left
Hi. You can e.mail the legal expert on One Space for free. They should be able to help in someway, but please bear in mind, that they are probably on their holidays now, so won't be back until after Christmas, or even the New Year. I'm sure one of the Parenting Specialists on here will be able to tell you more. Just click on the blue link here
Hi angrybitterandt... hazeleyes is right you can email our legal expert but would have to take into consideration that the legal firm that supply this service is currently closed for the holidays until the 2nd Jan so would not get a response for a few weeks.
Have you considered going to a domestic abuse organisation as they can give invaluable support and information and can sometimes attend court etc with you.
Thanks Hazeleyes i will contact after christmas, ended up in court today he was due to have her weekend plus wednesday but he wasn't happy with that he wanted her christmas day so hes collecting her at 1.30 christmas day. yes i just need to keep all evidence and get legal help from womenaid as they are the only ones that understand whats going on, this is what he is like with the courts i worry what he will do if courts are not involved? will he change i don't think so
Hi thanks, yes i will contact after christmas i really need them to help when i next go to court
Hi abt (shortened for ease!) and welcome to One Space, I have been off over the xmas break, but I'm now back and catching up with the boards.
So the court decided he should have your daughter on xmas day, how did it go?
Hi, well it spoilt it really, just getting happy and then time for her to plus he brought her back early and without hat or socks she was shivering and she already had a cold so the next day she had ear ache which happens when she get a bad cold, plus the court had told him to let me know the address of his neice where she will be, but he didnt let me know he just argued on test and called me names, he didn't do anything that he said he'd do when he was in court. he said he would take her to madam toswards, his neice house, his freinds and his sister was coming and thats why he wanted her christmas day but none of that happened, now he is having her from tommorrow 3rd untill 8th because they say thats his extra time. why should he have her that long? every time he has her she comes back worse and thats too long time plus he is supposed to have an alcohol test so surely they shouldnt give him all this until the test has come through?it don't make sense
i'm having problems with my legal aid and i normally have to pay tawards it so now its going to cost me £800 min prob more cause its goig on until april. then they will decide who she will live with
his test costs have to be shared so if i can't sort my side out he wont have it, abd we can go back to court until he does. he is self employed runs a business and said he cant pay and his legal aid does cover it, but he's been running a business illegally for years and he have 3 vehicles and has only paid maintenance of £5 week as he was on incapasity benefit, why does he continue to get away with all these lies etc all the time
frustrating and extremely annoying
abt
Very annoying indeed for you!
Let us know what the legal expert says and if she can suggest a way forward?
What a horrible situation for you and very, very stressful. You need some outside support, and fast.
Have you been in touch with Women's Aid? (click) Give them a ring and be put in touch with a local support service
Also contact an organisation called Family Rights Group who have lots of experience of when a family has social services involvement.
Do you have a friend who can come to the court with you?