hello
my name is M ,and im trying to find some information out for
my daughter who is in a very poor relationship .
She is 21 yrs old and has 2 small kids .
she is desperate to leave a mentally abusive relationship
and is concerned for her childrens upbringing .
here come the questions
where would she go to ask about rehoming if she needed to get out quick
what would she do if her partner would not let her or her children leave
she is allready on anti depressants due to abuse ,would this go against her
she is a wonderfull mother who has made a mistake choosing her partner
is there anyone out there who has had simmilar experience who could
possibly help or share there stories with her .
thanks for reading
Thank you for replying to me , i will look into those options .
i will let her know that there is a way out and a future for
her and the boys .
the partner seems to have brainwashed her into thinking she,s useless
and nobody would want her ,then gets abusive ,even threatning to throw acid
on her if she leaves
you prob wondering why im not getting involved,well main reason is i have allways
made things worse ,the partner doesnt like being challenged so when i do he kicks
off and my daughter becomes upset and in turn i have to back off
but now she is asking me for help , and i dont know the right way to help .
sorry for going on , just im a bit new to all this .
thanks anyway for advice
I am not wondering why you're not getting involved, or thinking ANYTHING negative at all, you know the situation very well and as a parent sometimes we have to bite our tongues. People in abusive relationships often resist help, or at least cannot see how bad things have become. I am so glad she has now asked you for help.
However, the situation with the acid threat sounds more severe than I realised from your first post so as well the other things I have suggested I would urge her to phone Women's Aid first of all, as they will be able to give her some emotional support and may even be able to help her get some social housing, which would help a great deal with the transition. In addition if there are more threats or she feels unsafe then she needs to call the police.
The national Women's Aid number is 0808 2000 247, you need to keep trying as they are busy but it is open 24 hours a day.
Thank you
Hi bobfacebetty
I was in that situation at 21 too. I wish I had a dad like you to help me. I did get out but just went into another stupid relationship 2 more children. I got out of that one after about 13 yrs but I am now eventually happy - If I had the support you are giving your daughter I dont think I would of made the same mistake again.
Keep us posted. I hope she gets out. Ive been a single mum twice its not easy but it made me a stranger person
HM
Hi Happy Mamma
Thanks for your advice ,iv allready passed your comments on to my daughter
I will keep you updated
once again thank you
bob
Hello there, your daughter is lucky to have a supportive dad like you.
The first thing to say is that your daughter can claim Income Support until her youngest child is five. She needs to bear in mind that after that she will be expected to look for work but hopefully that gives her some breathing space in the meantime. To apply for Income Support, click here. She will also get her Council Tax and a fair chunk of her rent paid while she is on Income Support. When working (16 hours a week or more) she can claim Working Tax Credit and probably something towards her rent.
The second issue to address is housing. Social housing (that is to say, owned by the council or a local housing association) is difficult to access but it is worth contacting your local Housing Department to find the situation in your area. She can certainly get her name down on the list and at the same time check the amount of Local Housing Allowance she can get, LHA is the new name for Housing benefit and it depends on your area and how many in your family as to how much you can get towards housing. You may well be therefore looking at her finding private rented accommodation, and this will be available through adverts in the paper or through local estate agents/letting agents. She may well need two references (worth thinking about this now and getting it in motion) and maybe even a guarantor (could this be you?) She will also have to pay a bond, so that will mean one month's rent in advance and probably the same amount as a bond. It might be that she has to stay with you, or someone else, for a short time while all this is organised. Some areas have Bond Schemes to help you. Have a look at the Shelter website (click) and get some advice about your area.
Finally, she needs to think about what she is involved in at the moment, in terms of tenancy agreements etc and get her name removed from anything like that.
Once the initial reseach has been done, you can get in touch with our Benefits Expert (click) with any specific queries.