Hi I am feeling a bit, weird. does this happen to you? I hardly ever go out, maybe once every 3 months, but this week have been harrassed by 2 men. I am not sure what I am feeling, sad or dissapointment, know it should be anger or defience, disgust maybe but just- let down, feels more the case and sad about the behaviour of men. I guess I feel violated but shock maybe! want to just ignore it but feel it should be shared. I was approaced by someone in my neighbouhood, walkin home alone at 7. 15 dark but not late, he was someone I had been for a drink with in afternoon few weeks before but had given (I thought) clear enough message wasnt interested as he was way too intense, texting and calling, I had been ignoring him and did say I want to be alone. But this night he was passing and got off his bike, chatting friendly, I was hot from being in hot room, he was cold so chatting about weather,' feel my hand', went on to touching my face with his, putting his arm round me and trying to kiss me, walking along home and saying no thanks, yes it was stupid to go for a drink if didnt want to encourage him but does this give him the right to touch me when I dont want and try n force me into things, and ultimately scare me?, as a single, youngish!, woman walking down my own road, and being told' look, u make me hard', when stood on my own doorstep. Soooo, then on fri night went out for friends birthday and not wearing anything low cut or high cut or dressed particularly girly, yes, slightly figure hugging, my now slimmer figure but perfectly respectable! I got dropped off outside my house when my NEXT DOOR NEIGHBOUR was outside so said hello and tried to be polite while keeping small talk to absolute mnimum, he was saying something about where is my child and do u want a drink etc. I was bit drunk but assured him had more than enough, he was drunk, it was half 2 in am but you would think u dont need walking from car to front door! He tried to hug and kiss me several times on my doorstep!! so sureal, his wife and 5 kids in the house,- i am his neighbour!!! can only assume he not used to drinking that much and didnt know what he was doing, or hopefully remember! I dont want to make it a big issue and involve his wife as maybe a stupid moment of madness, that I wanna forget, and dont really wanna feel like I need to move house but, I am a single white female parent,(a status that doesnt define me or shouldnt belittle me) makes you start to wonder if this translatesin some cultures as being easy prey, or just easy! Had I let them they would have both taken it much further. All I ever wanted to be was friendly and not rude, but makes me wonder if i am walking round with a sign saying 'victim' on me!! I certainly didnt feel like i was and do not generally feel preyed upon but as my baby father and possibly others have victimised me in the past it made me feel like i must bring it upon myself?!, but I honestly think I should be able to feel and be safe walking down my own road after dark as a full grown, competant adult with respect, as should all women, why should anyone think this is acceptable behaviour?? to any woman.The complete and utter disregard  for a fellow humans emotions, and disrespect for me as a woman. walking past my next door neighbours open door made me angry yesterday and prompted me into this regurgitation, and now reading this back, i realise that the overwheling feeling is indeed anger and wholly justified indignation!!?? sorry for the long rant but had to get it out there! thanks for listening.xx 

Posted on: November 5, 2013 - 1:04pm
Sally W
Parenting specialist DoppleMe

Hi Beastie and Welcome along to One Space, sorry that you have had two such experiences in one week, i do think that women or anybody for that matter should be able to go out at anytime and feel safe in there neighbourhood. 

As you know from your own experiences this past week that's not always the case, i work with a lot of women who talk about instances similair to yourself and they too feel angry and sometimes blame themselves as well.

Not sure what can be done with the adult element, but I know that schools and youth groups are doing alot on teaching children about what is acceptable behaviour.

Hope your feeling somewhat better after getting it of your chest Smile

Posted on: November 5, 2013 - 3:47pm


Thanks for reply, lets hope then that we are bringing up a more respectful next generation!!


Posted on: November 8, 2013 - 10:54am

Parenting specialist DoppleMe

Yes, it's a great challenge for us to bring up our sons and daughters to respect people in general, and in particular the opposite sex.

I think as women we often give out mixed messages to the blokes we meet. We are brought up to "please" people, to smile, to make people like us and even while we are saying No or feeling uncomfortable sometimes we smile or try to be pleasant so maybe there is something to be said for being sterner or more direct, what do you think?

Posted on: November 8, 2013 - 11:50am


Unbelievable.  I'm so sorry this has happened to you.

With your neighbour i'd be tempted to take him quietly to one side when no one is drunk and tell him that it was not on.

I agree the direct approach is best.  With the first guy you were really clear and you only went for a drink in the afternoon anyway!!  

I hope you feel better soon.



Posted on: November 8, 2013 - 7:11pm