Hello all. Well I'm not 'technically' a single mum yet as I'm five months pregnant, but I'm doing this alone, so I'm trying to soak up as much advice from those that have 'been there' as I can.

I'm 41 and this is my first, yes - this came as quite a shock, and the father and I aren't actually together. I haven't yet told him and am now trying to summon up the courage to. I'd love him to be invovled, particularly financially, however as I have made the choice to have this baby, I'm also prepared for him not to be.

I have a good job, which helped in my decision to do this, however I have just found out I don't qualify for maternity pay. So I'm now freaking out about how the hell I make ends meet for the 6 months I am off work.

I'd love to hear from anyone with advice on how to make all this work as it all feels very daunting at the moment. Exciting and wonderful, but very daunting.


Posted on: October 21, 2012 - 10:50am

hi everyone


Posted on: October 21, 2012 - 11:10am


Hello and welcome to onespace, firstly congrats on your bundle of joy :) 

i also became a single mummy at 3 months pregnant, althou the baby was planned & i had already lost 2,  I had been with the father for a few years but let's just say he showed his true colours so I made the tough desision to raise baby alone for a better future. She is now 14 months old and I couldn't be happier :) 

telling the father is a big step and no one can guess his reaction however it's his choice if he wants to be there for his child, if he chooses not too then you can contact CSA for payments from him. Pregnancy can be a very scary time esp if you face it alone, do you have good support from family & friends? would the fathers family want to be involved? 

As for work, I also wasnt entitled to M Leave so I went though the job centre who can put you on their books 

Posted on: October 21, 2012 - 11:58am


Hello Tinkerbell, thanks so much for that. It's good to hear from others that have been through the same thing (and positively came out the other side). Thankfully I do have support of friends and family, although family are quite far away so I may have to move closer to have them on hand. No idea if the fathers family would want to be invovled, I guess I'll see once I tell him.

I do actually get statutory maternity pay (just not the company's own) which is about £130 a week I think and doesn't cover my outgoings, so I have to go through a very strict cutting back phase and sort out my debts as I won't be able to cover those while on mat leave.

All very scary x

Posted on: October 21, 2012 - 12:10pm


That's good you have support of your family. Would moving mean leaving your job (If u plan on going back) ? yes I also got £130, every two weeks I believe, you will also get child benefit but the amount depends on income etc

best of luck on telling the father, fingers crossed he steps up to the plate for his responsabilitys but if you have any questions we are all here to help :) 

Posted on: October 21, 2012 - 12:20pm


I think I'll need to go back, but I'll move somewhere that allows me to travel to work too. 

Thank you xxx

Posted on: October 21, 2012 - 1:12pm

Parenting specialist DoppleMe

Hello thenoodles

Welcome to One Space, there are lots of members here that have been in your situation so hopefully you will get lots of support here.

You could send an email to our Money Expert (click to email) for some advice about your debts and also to make sure you claim anything you can.

What are you plans for telling the baby's father?

Posted on: October 21, 2012 - 1:19pm